Page 29 of 39« First...1020...2728293031...Last »

Celebrity T-shirt!

If you’re like me, you’re always on the look out for subtle, unobtrusive ways to let people know that you are a deeply intellectual person of sophisticated taste.

Accordingly, I have designed this T-shirt, which tells people that you do not approve of the dumbing down of America (and other countries we have exported our banalities to [think McDonalds.])

This design is only available for another four days, then we’re going to bust up the printing press with a very big hammer. If the previous paragraph wasn’t enough to make you rush to order one (or more!), here is what this shirt would look like on celebrities. MediocrityCelebs



Money Frames Dead Doctor

bz panel 06-30-14bz strip 06-30-14bz panel 07-01-14bz strip 07-01-14bz panel 07-02-14bz strip 07-02-14



Bizarro is brought to you today by My Cigar Smoking is Having an Effect on My Dog.

As a cartoonist, it’s particularly fun for me to be able to add a new twist to one of the cartoon cliches we’ve all seen so many times. In the archive section at the end of this post, I feature another such idea from a few years back.

Side note: If I were a bank robber, I definitely do this.










A good friend of mine recently sent me a pic on my cell phone of him in a new pair of glasses and asked my opinion. My girlfriend, the inimitable Olive Oyl, made a comment about what kind of frames would be right for his shape of face. I didn’t think of this cartoon at that moment, but a couple days later while writing cartoons, this hit me.











So this clown cartoon is pretty dark, I know, but that’s what I like about it. Someone suggest a clown being on “laugh support” would make a good cartoon and though I enjoyed the pun, I didn’t think it was unique enough to hold up on its own. By adding this exceedingly dark tag line, it made me laugh. Which, incidentally, a clown has never done. (I apologize if that last comment offended any of my “clown” readers, but I’m not fond of clowns. I don’t have coulrophobia, but I do have extroverted-stranger-in-disguise-phobia. I didn’t trust people dressed as Santa Claus when I was a kid, either.)






BIZARRO OF THE LIVING DEAD: As promised in the first paragraph, here is a gag from 2005 that also plays on a well-known cartoon cliche.Bz panel 01-12-05 DocHeadband












Family Demon Oil

mediocrityRulesMultiSM1Don’t miss your chance to wear this adorable shirt (as seen in a Bizarro comic) which tells the world you don’t approve. Only NINE days left, then it’s gone forever! Have a look.


Bizarro is brought to you today by Getting Help.Bizarro 06-29-14 Hedr WEB

Family Circus is one of the most parodied cartoons in history. The simple wholesomeness of it is irresistible to sarcastic jackasses like me and there are a number of FC memes––like Billy’s habit of leaving dotted lines everywhere he walks––that make it “easy pickins”. I’ve done a handful in the past and thought I’d gotten it out of my system but then this idea occurred to me and I couldn’t resist. I’m friends with Jeff Keane, better known by FC readers as “Jeffy,” and was friends with his late father, the creator of FC, Bil Keane. They’ve always enjoyed FC spoofs, so I knew I was in safe waters when I submitted this one. I drew the comic exactly as Jeff would, who has taken over the strip for his dad, but I took the liberty of redecorating their house with five of my own Bizarro secret symbols. My favorite touch is PJ crying. Lord only knows what horrible sights he witnessed to upset him so.Bizarro 06-29-14 WEB



BYGONE BIZARRO: Below, from 1999, is another treatment of family life that I hope you will enjoy. It reads in vertical columns, as opposed to straight across the top.

Bizarro 01-31-99 WEB

Crime 11 Awareness Geriatric

bz panel 06-26-14bz strip 06-26-14bz panel 06-27-14bz strip 06-27-14bz panel 06-28-14bz strip 06-28-14Bizarro is brought to you today by House Pets.

What I like most about this armed robbery cartoon is imagining the robber saying all of this very matter-of-factly, the way someone might end a sentence with “yada, yada, yada”. Tons of people have real-life excuses for bad behavior but there is growing evidence that we don’t have nearly as much free choice as we think we do. Many scientists are beginning to suspect that given our specific DNA wiring, we are compelled to make the decisions we make––good, bad, and indifferent––and there is little we can do about it. Our brains simply tell us that this is the best course of action at the moment and we do it, thinking we made a “choice”. This notion is radical and counterintuitive, to say the least, but it might well be true. Oops…there goes another tenet of traditional human religions.








I usually post my Thurs/Fri/Sat cartoons on Saturday, but I got a lot of response from this Nigel Tufnel cartoon today (Friday) so I’m posting early. If you don’t get it, you’re not a fan of “This is Spinal Tap,” the brilliant comedy film by Rob Reiner. One of the all-time best, in my humble opinion. It still holds up today and none other than comedy genius Ricky Gervais cites it as his favorite comedy film. This is very likely where Ricky got the inspiration for the faux-documentary style that he does so well. This cartoon was the brainchild of the incomparable Cliff Harris The King Of Wordplay, of course.









And now, a sneak peek at tomorrow’s cartoon. Don’t tell anyone. I’m not supposed to post early so if I get reprimanded, I’m going to claim that I wasn’t aware it was only Friday.










VINTAGE JAZZ PICKLAGE: In keeping with the theme of parodying classic movies and TV, here’s a little something from 1997 that you may find 11-14-97 StarTrekWEB

Loud Food Kilt Floppy Disk

bz panel 06-23-14bz strip 06-23-14bz panel 06-24-14bz strip 06-24-14bz panel 06-25-14bz strip 06-25-14


Bizarro is brought to you today by Epiphanies.


Personally, I never accept anything offered for free for fear that strings will be attached. I don’t like strings. Not even free ones.















This cartoon is autobiographical because while writing cartoons one day and thinking about zombies, I suddenly realized that they could eat their own brains. Sorry it is so disgusting.












I meant for this cowboy to be denied entrance to somewhere like a saloon or something, but I was too lazy to draw the background that day. I figured my Jazz Pickles would still get the gist of it.









BIZARRO BASEMENT: Those of you under a certain age do not remember the early days of computers, but I do and this cartoon is about that. My first computer was an iMac around 1994 or so. I recall that it was a major effort just plugging it in and learning what it did. Before that, I had to do all my computing on a device I’d made from twigs, rope, and tar. You young people today don’t know how good you’ve got 03-10-99 CDromWEB

Limited-Edition Shirt!

Hey, Jazz Pickles, an old cartoon I posted recently featured a character wearing a T-shirt that says, “Mediocrity Rules”.

A number of folks asked for this shirt to be put on sale, so I gave in to popular demand and created it.

Get yours now, it will only be available for sale for two weeks! Ten different styles and colors, so check them out, snag a few for yourself (and as gifts for friends and enemies later) and subtly stand in defiance of the mediocrity all around you, without ever saying a word. (click the shirts for a larger view.)

My personal dream is to have 10,000 Jazz Pickles wearing this T-shirt out front of a Justin Bieber concert.Screen Shot 2014-06-25 at 10.08.41 AM


Security Invasion

Bizarro 06-22-14 hdrWEb Bizarro 06-22-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Brief Survey.

If you’re not accustomed to going through security at American airports, you may miss some of this gag. The wording these guys say over and over, all day long is, “Completely empty the contents of your pockets and take off your shoes.” (Which you are supposed to put in a tray.) Yes, we Americans still have to take off our shoes and run them through the X-ray machine because years ago, some mentally disturbed lunatic tried to ignite a bomb he had hidden in his shoe. Thank god he didn’t hide it in his underwear. So, while thinking of what a security check might look like on an alien planet, I came up with this gag. Theoretical physicists would back me up that this could potentially be happening on another planet, or a parallel universe. So there.

I must admit that I think the TSA is an enormous waste of money and resources. Studies have shown that it is just as easy as it ever was to sneak weapons onto a commercial airline, so all they are really doing is inconveniencing honest people and costing the government billions. I call it “theater of security,” and believe it mostly exists to convince Americans that it is safe to travel by air. Which, statistically, it is, with or without the TSA.

DEJA VIEW: From 1998 I bring you this idea about aliens. You likely can’t see it at this resolution, but each pea has a little eyeball and two antennae. So cute! (Click the owl for a larger view.) I particularly like this couple’s quirky sense of decorating. Note also that because the aliens are from another planet, they speak with a different font than humans.Bizarro 07-05-98 PeasWEb

Selfie Sample Guru Bus

bz panel 06-19-14bz strip 06-19-14bz panel 06-20-14bz strip 06-20-14bz panel 06-21-14bz strip 06-21-14



Bizarro is brought to you today by The Least You Can Do.

I’m in my mid-fifties and have been thinking about social media lately. I’ve gone through stages where I didn’t understand it, then I got into it, then I thought it was necessary for my business and getting the most out of life, and now I’m thinking it has nothing to do with my happiness and is likely a detriment to it. Life happens in a much more profound and satisfying way in person and it is actually true that the best things in life are free. I still use it to a small degree, of course, in ways that it facilitates me, but I’ll never be a Twitter Star. I don’t take as many selfies as younger folks, either. I know that selfies are not literally “social media” but they figure in.









I love this clown cartoon but it just occurred to me that I made a grievous drafting error: the toilet has no seat. I have brought shame to my entire village.













My final cartoon this week (before Sunday’s) is also about my philosophical musings about technology. Here’s a guru who is presumably trying to discover the true nature of existence and all he can do is fret over the speed of his Internet. The mountaintop guru is a terrific cartoon motif for exploring the truths of human society and I’ve used it again and again. And I’ll use it again. I just wrote a good one yesterday, in fact, that will appear in Bizarro in mid-to-late July.






JAZZ PICKLE JAR: Here’s a guru cartoon from 2002, though he has chosen the driver’s seat of a city bus rather than a mountaintop. I changed the name of the bus’s destination as a little shout-out to my regular readers. bz 05-10-02 Bus Guru




Hedgehog Wink Angry Naked

bz panel 06-16-14bz strip 06-16-14bz panel 06-17-14bz strip 06-17-14bz panel 06-18-14bz strip 06-18-14


Bizarro is brought to you today by For Injured Pickles.


It is Wednesday and that means that we can no longer do things on Tuesday of this week. I say that because I planned to get some gardening done on Tuesday, but now I can’t. Still, here’s a gardening cartoon that may make the edges of your mouth move upward a fraction of an inch.










I despise emoticons but I have to admit that I use them because they are truly useful. The manner in which a person says something is so important, which can sometimes be lost in the written word, so it is much easier to avoid being misunderstood if  you attach a stupid, adorable little face at the end of a passage. This is especially helpful to people like me who tend to joke a lot. Before I used emoticons, I was grievously misunderstood on a number of occasions, to my great dismay. Once, I even angered someone to the point that they attempted to kill me and ended up in prison. :^}

I will say that I never use the wink one… ;)   Ugh! Of course, I’ve always hated it when someone says something they think is clever or funny, then winks. Please don’t wink at me, I’m not four.








If you don’t get this joke about the bull comedian, it is likely because you didn’t realize that when a stand-up comic is performing, he/she has a set amount of time allotted. When they are approaching their time limit, a small red light goes on at the back of the club telling them it is time to wrap it up. This cartoon plays on the fabled relationship between bulls and red capes, even though the color of the cape is insignificant to the bull. By the way, in my opinion, bull fighting is perhaps the most barbaric practice still sanctioned by a modern society. Tradition is no excuse for cruelty.  On another side note, that’s me and my precious Olive Oyl in the front row.





BIZARROVERS: From the year 2000, I bring you this golden oldie that I still enjoy. Wear it in good health.bz001006 Clothes WEB

Riding Sinfully

Bizarro 06-15-14 hedrWEB (For a biggenized version of these cartoons, click them.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by How Many Ways Can You Spell “Boogie”?

The “header panel” at left is borrowed from a recent Sunday Bizarro cartoon that looked like this. Sometimes I do that. I really like this character based on Wild Bill Hickok so I used him again.

The guys in the full cartoon are not based on anyone famous, just a couple of cowpokes wandering around the American desert southwest commenting on carousel horses. As you likely learned in school, carousel horses occurred naturally in these areas, were captured easily, but could not be taught to walk in anything but a circle; thus the modern-day carousel was invented. These days, they are bred on farms, of course.Bizarro 06-15-14 WEB


Page 29 of 39« First...1020...2728293031...Last »