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Star Trek Godzilla Murder Complaint Nap

Bizarro 07-06-14 hedrWEB Bizarro 07-06-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Catzilla.

I have a long-time pen pal in Germany by the name of Michael Roth. He’s a writer and sometimes he writes cartoon ideas he’d like to see and every now and again I use one. He sent me some ideas about how outdated the “communicators” from the original Star Trek TV show would look to us now, and we finally settled on this treatment for it. If that’s not enough, I packed it with lots of background jokes, too, so click the image for a larger look-see. On the side of the pink truck is one of my Jazz Pickle, limited-edition T-shirts. If you missed this one, check out my most recent shirt,available for only TWO MORE DAYS! Makes a great gift for that person in your life who is addicted to lame TV shows or Justin Bieber. bz panel 07-03-14bz strip 07-03-14bz panel 07-04-14bz strip 07-04-14bz panel 07-05-14bz strip 07-05-14And don’t forget to drop by and say hello to Michael. (more…)

Celebrity T-shirt!

If you’re like me, you’re always on the look out for subtle, unobtrusive ways to let people know that you are a deeply intellectual person of sophisticated taste.

Accordingly, I have designed this T-shirt, which tells people that you do not approve of the dumbing down of America (and other countries we have exported our banalities to [think McDonalds.])
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Money Frames Dead Doctor

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Bizarro is brought to you today by My Cigar Smoking is Having an Effect on My Dog.

As a cartoonist, it’s particularly fun for me to be able to add a new twist to one of the cartoon cliches we’ve all seen so many times. In the archive section at the end of this post, I feature another such idea from a few years back. (more…)

Family Demon Oil

mediocrityRulesMultiSM1Don’t miss your chance to wear this adorable shirt (as seen in a Bizarro comic) which tells the world you don’t approve. Only NINE days left, then it’s gone forever! Have a look.

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Getting Help.Bizarro 06-29-14 Hedr WEB

Family Circus is one of the most parodied cartoons in history. The simple wholesomeness of it is irresistible to sarcastic jackasses like me and there are a number of FC memes––like Billy’s habit of leaving dotted lines everywhere he walks––that make it “easy pickins”. I’ve done a handful in the past and thought I’d gotten it out of my system but then this idea occurred to me and I couldn’t resist. I’m friends with Jeff Keane, better known by FC readers as “Jeffy,” and was friends with his late father, the creator of FC, Bil Keane. They’ve always enjoyed FC spoofs, so I knew I was in safe waters when I submitted this one. I drew the comic exactly as Jeff would, who has taken over the strip for his dad, but I took the liberty of redecorating their house with five of my own Bizarro secret symbols. My favorite touch is PJ crying. Lord only knows what horrible sights he witnessed to upset him so.Bizarro 06-29-14 WEB (more…)

Crime 11 Awareness Geriatric

bz panel 06-26-14bz strip 06-26-14bz panel 06-27-14bz strip 06-27-14bz panel 06-28-14bz strip 06-28-14Bizarro is brought to you today by House Pets.

What I like most about this armed robbery cartoon is imagining the robber saying all of this very matter-of-factly, the way someone might end a sentence with “yada, yada, yada”. Tons of people have real-life excuses for bad behavior but there is growing evidence that we don’t have nearly as much free choice as we think we do. Many scientists are beginning to suspect that given our specific DNA wiring, we are compelled to make the decisions we make––good, bad, and indifferent––and there is little we can do about it. Our brains simply tell us that this is the best course of action at the moment and we do it, thinking we made a “choice”. This notion is radical and counterintuitive, to say the least, but it might well be true. Oops…there goes another tenet of traditional human religions. (more…)

Loud Food Kilt Floppy Disk

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Epiphanies.

 

Personally, I never accept anything offered for free for fear that strings will be attached. I don’t like strings. Not even free ones.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This cartoon is autobiographical because while writing cartoons one day and thinking about zombies, I suddenly realized that they could eat their own brains. Sorry it is so disgusting. (more…)

Limited-Edition Shirt!

Hey, Jazz Pickles, an old cartoon I posted recently featured a character wearing a T-shirt that says, “Mediocrity Rules”.

A number of folks asked for this shirt to be put on sale, so I gave in to popular demand and created it.

Get yours now, it will only be available for sale for two weeks! Ten different styles and colors, so check them out, snag a few for yourself (and as gifts for friends and enemies later) and subtly stand in defiance of the mediocrity all around you, without ever saying a word. (click the shirts for a larger view.) (more…)

Security Invasion

Bizarro 06-22-14 hdrWEb Bizarro 06-22-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Brief Survey.

If you’re not accustomed to going through security at American airports, you may miss some of this gag. The wording these guys say over and over, all day long is, “Completely empty the contents of your pockets and take off your shoes.” (Which you are supposed to put in a tray.) Yes, we Americans still have to take off our shoes and run them through the X-ray machine because years ago, some mentally disturbed lunatic tried to ignite a bomb he had hidden in his shoe. Thank god he didn’t hide it in his underwear. So, while thinking of what a security check might look like on an alien planet, I came up with this gag. Theoretical physicists would back me up that this could potentially be happening on another planet, or a parallel universe. So there. (more…)

Selfie Sample Guru Bus

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Bizarro is brought to you today by The Least You Can Do.

I’m in my mid-fifties and have been thinking about social media lately. I’ve gone through stages where I didn’t understand it, then I got into it, then I thought it was necessary for my business and getting the most out of life, and now I’m thinking it has nothing to do with my happiness and is likely a detriment to it. Life happens in a much more profound and satisfying way in person and it is actually true that the best things in life are free. I still use it to a small degree, of course, in ways that it facilitates me, but I’ll never be a Twitter Star. I don’t take as many selfies as younger folks, either. I know that selfies are not literally “social media” but they figure in. (more…)

Hedgehog Wink Angry Naked

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Bizarro is brought to you today by For Injured Pickles.

 

It is Wednesday and that means that we can no longer do things on Tuesday of this week. I say that because I planned to get some gardening done on Tuesday, but now I can’t. Still, here’s a gardening cartoon that may make the edges of your mouth move upward a fraction of an inch. (more…)

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