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Hot Tub Surgery Funeral

bz panel 03-03-14 bz panel 03-04-14bz strip 03-04-14Want to be notified by email each time I post something new? Drop your email address into the slot below the Tip Jar in the right margin! I won’t abuse it!

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by My New Part-Time Job.

As I’ve mentioned here before, I can’t stand the idea of working for a company and having to go to meetings. Most people find a way to get through it, some probably actually enjoy it, but we artistic types live primarily inside our own heads so it is difficult for us to pay attention to people talking for long periods of time. No amount of note-taking would work for me. I’d forever be wondering what was said and then I’d get fired. A hot tub would help, though. (more…)

Playing Catchup

bz panel 02-26-14 bz panel 02-27-14bz panel 02-28-14 bz panel 02-29-14bz strip 02-29-14Bizarro is brought to you today by L.A. Celebrity Sighting.

 

My usual computer had a nervous breakdown last week and has been in the hospital. Since then, I’ve been using an old, outdated laptop made from logs held together with rope and tar. It’s been a challenge. I have, however, figured out how to get it to work on posting these blogs, in spite of the colonial-era operating system and browser, so here are the cartoons from last week that I’ve not been able to post until now. (more…)

Original Bizarro Art Up For Adoption

There’s another bit of original Bizarro art for sale on eBay until next Wednesday. This one is special, so check it out.

I really love this art and I hope it finds a good home. I rarely do multi-panel, “story” cartoons so this one stands out among my work. The old-school color guide was a nightmare to produce but it makes a great companion piece. Frame them both together and you’ll have something pretty unique in your palatial estate, which is guaranteed to be a real conversation party at state dinners and seasonal balls. (more…)

WOE IS ME

Hey, Jazz Pickles. My computer had a freakout yesterday and I had to take it to the hospital for surgery. I’m on an OLD computer now, the OS of which is too archaic to work well with modern browsers (and too old to update) and so I’m having trouble doing anything at all on the Interwebs. (more…)

Bubble Curtain Bear Drugs

bz panel 02-24-14bz panel 02-25-14bz strip 02-25-14bz panel 02-26-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Clumsy Dentists.

 

Monday’s cartoon is the brain fruit of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I’ve seen these e-cigarettes around but I don’t really know how they work. For a while, you could smoke them indoors since, I presume, they pose no second-hand smoke risk or smell, but now they are beginning to ban them indoors like real cigarettes, I suppose because people have been brainwashed in the U.S. for so many decades to believe that smoking, or even pretending to, is the most dangerous thing any person can do short of cleaning a gun with the barrel in your mouth. (more…)

Noah’s Canoe

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(To see these images bigger, click on any character’s nose.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Passing of the Pickle.

 

My favorite part of this cartoon and the title panel are the drawings. The title panel art is a character I drew in one of my sketchbooks, which are full of strange things that I have no real use for in Bizarro, but I occasionally will use one for a title panel. (more…)

Community Tastebuds

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Finger Hostage.

 

 

I could swear I’ve done this gag before but I couldn’t find any evidence of it so here it is either again or for the first time.

I’ve always wondered why people ask a waiter which dish he/she likes better. Few things are as subjective as the way food tastes in one’s mouth. (more…)

Waiting to Exhale on Godot

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Truth in Advertising.

 

 

I’ve heard from lots of people that they particularly like this Godot gag. I think it’s because those of us who get it know we are in a minority so it makes us feel smart. This clever gag comes from my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh, who’s never short on brains. Like Beckett, he’s a dour sort of guy who struggles with existence every day of his life. If I didn’t employ him to color my weekday gags, he’d likely be living in a cardboard box under a bridge. With the money I pay him, however, he’s able to afford to live in a tool shed at a golf course. Not bad for an artist! (more…)

Old Anxiety

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Bizarro is brought to you today by And Poor Spelling?

To my thinking, growing older is the greatest mindfuck in the human experience.

I can’t speak for everyone, of course, but for me, even though I’m in my mid-fifties, I don’t feel any older inside my head than I did when I was 21. My father, who is 78, reports the same experience. I’ve never completely felt like a “grown up,” except during times when I’m putting up with things like divorce, death, financial chaos, trying to make sense of mail I get from the IRS, etc. But when I put on a suit and talk to a loan officer, lawyer, my accountant, a judge, what have you, I always feel like a kid pretending to be an adult and I hope no one notices. Is it possible that the authority figure I’m talking to is doing the same thing? Is that judge wearing an Incredible Hulk T-shirt under his robe? (more…)

Lifestyle Variations

bz panel 02-17-14bz strip 02-17-14bz panel 02-18-14bz strip 02-18-14Bizarro is brought to you today by My Previous Job.

 

 

I am fortunate enough to have spent very little time in my life working in traditional offices. I’m really not very good at being a team player, following rules, sitting quietly through meetings that aren’t about me, performing tasks I don’t care about, etc. In short, I’m an artist and we make fairly terrible employees. But I can easily imagine the torture that most people go through in those settings, hence cartoons like this one. (more…)

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