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Dining with Dirt

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(To embiggenate any image in this post, click your favorite color in that cartoon.)
Bizarro 07-03-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Staying Cool.

The “farm to table” movement is one that big city hipsters have been concerned about in recent years; I have no idea how it’s playing in small towns or rural areas. You can read the definition of it here.  I think it’s a good thing because it favors local growers and small farms and businesses who care more about their process and products than do the practitioners of the industrial food complex that America has built since WWII. The industrial way of growing plants and animals for food has been a nightmare for human health, the environment, and the treatment of animals. Michael Pollan has had a lot of important things to say about our food system in recent years, in my opinion. So all I did here was take it to an absurd extreme, which gave me a chance to draw some realistic crops and chickens on a dining room table. In my early adulthood I made a living drawing realistic food products for advertising, so this was kind of a nostalgic process for me. I did so much of that in the old days that I can actually draw things like this without any reference.
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Bizarro Jazz Pickle T-shirt

I often hear from readers that they “get” Bizarro cartoons when some around them do not. What better way to lord your superior intellect and sense of humor over the troglodytes around you than by wearing a highly groovy T-shirt that they won’t get either?

Here’s a stupid picture of me in the shirt, on sale ONLY UNTIL JULY 13, 2016!  Grab one now before the philistines and boors take over the world and outlaw intelligent humor.
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Bat Boor

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(View an embiggenated version by clicking the “R” on Robin’s chest.)Bizarro 06-26-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Men Behind the Legend.

If you’ve ever attended a party with a romantic partner, you’ve had a moment like this. One of you objects to the way the other was behaving at the party and it leads to a late night argument. Often it is about jealousy but sometimes it’s about something one of you said that was perhaps a bit too honest for polite company.  I’ve been on both sides of this equation so when I thought of this scenario between Batman and Robin, I got a chuckle out of it, but more importantly, I sympathized with both of them. Batman just thought he was being funny and didn’t know he was embarrassing Robin, Robin felt forced to politely play along with his partner’s pathetic pandering for laughs. I’m not the first to suggest the ambiguously gay relationship between the two. The comic books themselves had many unusual moments between them, like these two, and then humorists over the years have taken the ball and run with it. (pun half intended)
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Achoo!

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(To find all 13 of the Secret Symbols, you may want to embiggenate the cartoon, which can be achieved by clicking either of the woman’s knees.)Bizarro 06-19-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by An Open Letter To God.

Whether you’re liberal or conservative, you’ve likely noticed we Americans are in the middle of the strangest presidential election since Cookie Monster ran against a talking bullfrog back in the late 19th century. Which, for those of you who have no knowledge of history and will believe anything someone tells you in an authoritative voice, never happened. This strange race taking place in front of us now IS happening, however. I recommend fastening your safety harness, strapping on a helmet, and grabbing a barf bag. This could get messy and dangerous.
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Monkey Butt

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(You, too, can achieve cartoon embiggenation by clicking any of these images.)Bizarro 06-12-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Bathroom I.D. Issues.

At various times in my adult life I have gone through periods where oddball children’s rhymes occur to me. I write them down with the intention of someday publishing a book of them but I’ve never gotten around to it. Here is one converted into a Sunday comic instead.
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Dogs Who Drive

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(For readers who wish to embiggenate these images, click any blue-colored thing.)Bizarro 06-05-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Perhaps The Best Option.

Here’s a fun take on distracted driving, which has always been a major public safety issue and is getting worse all the time. It is estimated that over 600% of all accidents caused by teenaged drivers are the result of cell phone use. No, that math does not make sense, but teenagers aren’t any good at math, either, which is another big problem with this country. How are they going to repair the desolate wasteland we are leaving them if they are too busy texting to do the math? See what I’m saying?
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Creepy Friends

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(To achieve embiggenation, close your eyes, click your heels together, and click any image.)

Bizarro 05-29-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by What We Do Now.

I’ve done a lot of Noah’s Ark cartoons and I think I’ve still got a few left in me. The same reason myths like these endure for centuries among the population is the reason they provide so much fodder for humor. These myths say something important about the human condition as we stumble through life on Earth.
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Born Adults

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(A simple click of any illustration here will delightfully embiggenate it.)
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Bizarro is brought to you today by Enduring Myths.

Today’s Sunday cartoon is a soft joke but one that made me smile. The mythical notion of humans just popping up in life as full-grown, modern adults and trying to negotiate the world around them is always amusing to me, but this is a wrinkle I’ve never thought of before. The utterly casual callousness of Adam and Eve as the quintessential “new parents” is devilishly delightful: “Sorry kid. We have no idea what we’re doing, and how could we?” I felt that way with my first daughter, who was born a full decade before I had any business being a parent.
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Sky Schooling

Bizarro 05-15-16 HdrWEB(If thee must embiggenate, do so with a click to any man-made object in any cartoon.)Bizarro 05-15-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Unusual Methods.

These days, skywriting is done by computer or some other form of technological voodoo, but in the old days, people flew around and spelled words out in the air mechanically by releasing some puffy white stuff at the appropriate time. Ever since I was a child I’ve wondered how the pilot knew what the thing they were creating looked like from the ground. Today’s big, spectacular, double-wide Sunday cartoon shows how I imagine they might have practiced. (On an interesting side note, when the industry switched to computerized skywriting, the dessert topping industry took a major hit and has yet to recover, as chronicled here.)
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Grammarant

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(To commence the embiggenation process, click any vowel on any image.)Bizarro 05-08-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Primitive North American Skeet Shooting.

I’ve confessed here before that I’m a bit of a grammar nazi. So I thought it might be fun to create some circus sideshow banners of people correctly using commonly misused phrases and words. The first one is an age-old pet peeve of mine. I’ve not done an in-depth study of it but I’d estimate that 95% of Americans say “I could care less” rather than the correct, “I couldn’t care less,” when they want to express indifference. Yes, people will know what you mean either way and that’s the main point of language, but it drives me a little bit nuts that “I could care less” means exactly the opposite of what you’re trying to say. I care about my mother (happy Mother’s Day, Mom!) and so it would be very possible for me to care less about her. It would not be possible for me to care more about her. On the other hand, if I care nothing at all about something, it would not be possible for me to care less because I already don’t care at all. And so, I “couldn’t” care less. Don’t think of it as a phrase, think of the literal meaning of the words you are saying.
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