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Charlatans

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(For a more embigginated experience, click any redish color in any cartoon.)Bizarro 03-20-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Walk This Way.

My cartoon today is about the disappointment one feels when they trust someone to fix things and that person turns out to be a charlatan. We’ve all experienced this with politicians and one can read that message as the subtext to the Wizard of Oz: The man at the top, the Great Wizard of Oz, is just a regular guy pulling switches and levers to make himself seem more powerful than he really is. A person can also easily see this as an allegory of Donald Trump’s current campaign.
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Flaming Keyboard

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(Click any image to embiggenate it.)Bizarro 03-13-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Future Clean.

My favorite thing about today’s cartoon (above) is the art, and by that I mean the glow of the fire. I can’t say the joke is all that compelling, to be honest. In the collection of writings that Christians call the Old Testament and Jews call the Torah, god appears to Moses as a burning bush and gives him the famous Ten Commandments. For some reason I thought that if that happened today it would be a burning computer. What bushes have to do with computers is anyone’s guess. I’ve no clue. I’ve nothing more to say about this cartoon other than when you have to write a joke each day for over thirty years, a few are going to be clunkers.
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Flash Fire

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(See some of these images larger by clicking and embiggenating them.)
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Bizarro is brought to you today by The First Plausible Explanation I’ve Heard.

There’s a raging controversy on social media this morning about the Christmas tree cartoon above and whether or not the symbol count (small number above my signature) matches the number of actual Secret Symbols hidden therein. Okay, perhaps not a “raging” controversy, but a couple of people have written polite notes asking me what’s up. If you go to Bizarro.com and look at the cartoon posted there in the main frame at the top for today, March 6, 2016, you’ll see that the “K2” on the rooftop door of the building in the upper-right corner of the cartoon is missing. I remember when I submitted this cartoon four weeks ago that my editor told me the symbol count didn’t match, and upon inspection I saw that I had somehow deleted the K2 from the door in one of the hundreds of complicated technologically scientific steps it takes to create one of these images. I remember replacing it and sending the corrected one to King Features but somehow it didn’t make it to the online version. I’m not sure if it made it to the newspaper version, perhaps not. So here now is the corrected version with all six symbols. If you want to see where they all are, here’s a version with the symbols circled. 
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Future of Cruising

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(To engage the embiggenation sequence count backwards from five to zero, then click any image.)Bizarro 02-28-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Relationship Advice.

When I was a boy in the 1960s it was widely believed that flying cars would be a standard feature of my adulthood. The Jetsons promised it and it seemed inevitable. But the lousy driving habits of most people (science has determined that the exact percentage of crappy drivers on the road is everyone but you) have kept that from becoming a reality. Strangers would be crashing into your upstairs bedroom or fifteenth-floor apartment living room.
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Uber Ark

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(To embiggenate the ark or any other cartoon, click it with your clickerator.)
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Bizarro is brought to you today by American Political Anomaly. 

The meme behind those blue words above are not my attempt to campaign, I just thought it was a particularly clever and true anomaly of American voters. Polls consistently have shown that most Americans are Christian but most are also terrified of socialism, even though much of our country already incorporates socialist programs that most people love and have no wish to get rid of. And as far as developed nations go––Canada and virtually all of Europe––we’re way less socialist than the other countries we visit on holiday or consider livable. Personally, I’d not want to live in a completely socialist or completely capitalist country. Fundamentalism of any kind ruins everything. It takes a lot of wisdom and maturity to embrace people who believe differently than you do, but I think balance and diversity is the key to happiness and a peaceful society with anything resembling a fair chance for all to succeed.
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Genius Pets

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(To embiggenate any cartoon in this post, click any blue color.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by That Pesky Bursitis.

The concept at work in this cartoon is that an occasional member of another species might well have been a genius but because they lived under the control of humans, they might have been stopped from fulfilling their potential. It’s not meant literally, of course, nor am I holding the Three Stooges up to the level of Sir Isaac Newton. What it does bring to mind, though, is the way we as humans like to congratulate ourselves on all the amazing advances and inventions we have created over the relatively short course of our species’ existence. It always occurs to me, however, that all of those advances are due to a very tiny percentage of humans who happened to be brilliant in a certain way. The other 99.9% of us are (and have historically been) as dumb as a box of rocks and pretty much just consume, reproduce, and die, myself included. If all of humankind were like me, there might be some nice art on cave walls but we’d still be wondering what those tiny lights in the sky are and probably believe the moon was an eye in the sky that takes 30 days to blink.
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CornHorses

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(Enjoy the delights of embiggenation by clicking any nose within an image.)Bizarro 02-07-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Deep Sea Jazz Pickles.

Today’s big Sunday cartoon is a history lesson wrapped in humor. Two historical facts that one must know to fully appreciate it are these: horses did not occur in the Americas before Europeans brought them, and corn did not occur in Europe until Indians smuggled it in disguised as straight, bumpy bananas wrapped in leafy husks.
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Big Bed Roll

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(Click any image to make your embiggenation dreams come true.) 
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Bizarro is brought to you today by Remembrances.

I’m a big fan of memory foam mattresses. I’ve slept on all kinds of things and tend to have an achy back (because I am a male Homo sapiens past the age of 35) and memory foam is by far the best for me. They are very strange to try to pick up or move, however, because they are much heavier, floppier, and denser than a traditional mattress. Picking up a queen-size memory foam mattress is not unlike trying to move several adult human corpses stuffed into a gigantic sandwich bag. And the answer to your next question is yes.
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Funny Guys Answer Stuff

Yowza, Jazz Pickles, and hello. A writer/artist duo from Canada whom I think are pretty talented are doing something called a “Twitter Q&A” on GoComics tomorrow, Friday, January 29, 2016 at 2:30pm Eastern Time. That’s 1:30 Central and 11:30 on the Left Coast. I have no idea what time it would be in the Rocky Mountains. Strange things happen in those mountains, making it less predictable.
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No Good Dogs

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(To experience these cartoons with embiggenation, click any blueish color in an image.)Bizarro 01-24-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Con Artists.

Dogs are experts of human psychology. They wheedled their way into our families tens of thousands of years ago by convincing us that they understand what we are saying, what is important to us, and how we live. When we are present, they are model citizens and can easily distinguish between your new Prada shoes and a shoe-shaped chew toy. But somehow, as soon as we are gone, they forget which is which and chew the Prada into a shape that is useless to the human foot. You may find pieces of it in a different form out in the yard the next day, but like Humpty Dumpty, there’s no putting it back together again. When confronted with this crime, your dog looks as guilty as O.J. did in his Bronco during the infamous slow-speed chase. This would seem to indicate that your dog knows they’ve done something wrong. But here’s where it gets wonky: if you accuse them of something they didn’t do, in fact, could not have done, like forget to pay your Internet provider and now your wifi has been shut off, they’ll look just as guilty. Do they understand culpability, or do they simply know that when you’re angry, looking “guilty” will garner them some leniency?
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