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Java Jail Ovum Puke

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Products To Avoid.

 

There’s been a lot in the news lately about various companies looking into using small drones like the one in this cartoon for home delivery of products bought online. I can’t believe this idea will “fly,” considering it will mean that eventually there will be thousands of little robots flying around with boxes hooked to the bottom, getting shot down by everyone from mischievous kids to thieves who hope to get lucky and not end up with a pair of fluffy slippers some grandmother ordered. This idea came from the brilliant and handsome, if not hygienic, Dan McConnell, a good friend and cartoonist colleague. If you want to see more of his work, he hangs out here. (more…)

Aging Bones Spinning Bags

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Memorable Library Books From My Childhood.

Somewhere on the Interwebs is a deal where a guy did a time-lapse video of his daughter from birth to much later. That inspired this cartoon about Lisa Simpson, who is 24 years old this year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I go to the doctor as infrequently as possible. I think it is a key to good health. Once every few years I pay him to stick his finger into my anus, though, not because I’m worried about my health but because I think it builds character. (more…)

Guns and Salad

bizarro 05-25-14 hedrBizarro 05-25-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Land of the Free.

 

For those Jazz Pickles who have never been to a U.S. state that allows random citizens to carry firearms (yes, Europe, we have those) you’ve never likely seen a sign on the door of a shop that says to check your gun at the door. And you’ve almost certainly never seen one of these. (more…)

Nose Lice Feet

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Clever Ways to Dispose of Evidence.

My Friday offering this week is an obvious reference to the old adage, “You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.”  Now you can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This cartoon is an attempt to ruin your next selfie. The only reason school children get head lice more often than adults is that they are more likely put their heads together. Parents get them from their kids by hugging them. So it stands to reason that the “selfie” craze will be a boon to the head lice community. Thus far, we have ascertained that cell phones give people brain tumors and head lice. What next? Rotating Buttock Syndrome? (more…)

Square Parrot Prayer

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Bizarro is brought to you today by My New Career in Mexico.

 

My friend, Edwin, gave me the idea for this cartoon by showing up to dinner dressed like this. His T-shirt didn’t say this but his mouth did, so here’s a comic about it. In fairness to Edwin, I should add that he is anything but a square.
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Brain Fuel

bz 12-06-13 ManhattanWEBHistory is the real-life soap opera of actual people and the way our world got to where it is now. How can you not love that?

I find history fascinating, though I hated it as a student because history teachers were almost always the most sedated faculty members on staff. Personality and public speaking should be required courses for anyone going into the teaching profession. (more…)

Big Serpent Crash

bz panel 05-19-14bz strip 05-19-14bz panel 05-20-14bz strip 05-20-14Bizarro is brought to you today by The Last Delicious Thing You’ll Ever Eat.

 

I’m not a fan of people who abuse those in the service industry. As soon as I see someone being rude to a waitperson or counter clerk (unless that person was a jackass first) I write them off as insecure and of low moral standards. If you are that person, I hope the Head Waiter is right behind you. (more…)

Snoopy Clog Rock Apple

Bizarro 05-18-14 hedrBizarro 05-18-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Unreasonable Request.

There’s been quite a lot about the NSA in the news lately and, even though I have given up the idea that a government or the law can be “fair,” the fact that our own government is spying on us is deplorable. Many great minds have said something like: You have to choose freedom or safety, you can’t have both.  Personally, I’d rather be more free and less safe, but that’s just me. (more…)

Archer Troglodytes Chasing Download Destruction

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Appetizing Image.

My first offering this week is a collaboration with my good friend and colleague, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I like this gag a lot. For the sake of accuracy, I have William reading the fourth line, in case you’re wondering which colors coincide with the names of the apples he is identifying. (more…)

Saggy Cat

Bizarro 05-11-14 hedrWEBBizarro 05-11-14 WEB(Make any cartoon bigger by clicking the crap out of it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by More Than One Could Expect.

 

It’s been over 20 years now that I’ve been expecting the baggy pants fad (or “rodeo clown look”) to fade but I remain unsatisfied. In thinking about this amusing fashion, I wondered if other generations have had similar problems. Voila! A cartoon. (more…)

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