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Serious Comedy

bz panel 05-22-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Deep Thoughts.

We all grow up being taught myths about life: our country is always right, God is watching over you, hard work will yield wealth, justice will prevail, the police are your friends, the people inside the TV cannot actually see you, marriage is forever. The list goes on and on. (more…)

Scratch But No Sniff

Bizarro is brought to you today by High Speed Billionaire.

This gag is a collaboration with my good friend, Cliff Harris The King of Wordplay. His original joke was the grocery list, which may cause some problems for my readers in other countries for whom English is not their native language. All of the items on that list are also slang terms for money. (Regarding the title of this post, “scratch” is another slang term for cash.) (more…)

Nightmare Depression Restroom Tornado

(To see this cartoon all big like an elephant, click on the cable connector on the back of the TV)

Bizarro is brought to you by Nightmares.

We’ve all felt sorry for a small chair as an extremely heavy person sits on it, and that empathy for inanimate objects was what led me to muse about things common household furniture might fear or dread. Of course, I know that inanimate objects are not sentient and have no feelings but by “chair,” I mean “child,” and who hasn’t felt sorry for a child being sat upon by a large adult? Perhaps my sensitivity in this area comes from personal experience; my parents were very poor when my siblings and I were young and could not afford furniture, so they sat on us.. They couldn’t afford children, either, but until they figured out where we were coming from, they just kept having them. It was painful at times, yes, but it also brought us closer together as a family. (more…)

Dead Stinky Love

Bizarro is brought to you today by Inter-species Love.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all you Bizarro Jazz Pickles. I know that VD is a mixed bag (Valentine’s Day, not venereal disease, which is a terrible bag and not a mixed one at all) and it can be everything from sublime to inconsequential to racist? to depressing as hell. I have no control over that fact (if any of you thought I did, I apologize for leaving that impression) but I do hope that whatever your circumstance today, you’re dealing with it in stride. (more…)

Bay of Cartoonist Pig

Bizarro is brought to you today by Fuzzy History.

When I first wrote the cartoon at left I smiled and said, “Oh, what a clever boy am I.” I mistakenly thought I’d written a pretty funny cartoon. But apparently, to many readers, the fact that the nationality of the riders of the motorcycle in question was wrong, it completely ruined the cartoon and made me look like a fool. Here’s an example of one of the emails I received: (more…)

Cognac Lawn Pope

Bizarro is brought to you today by Biblical Fashions.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear me. Happy birthday to me.(Sung to the tune of “Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina”)

Just like the shooting pain in my chest and the numbness in my left arm, I usually ignore my birthday and hope it just goes away. But since the secret is out, I’ll admit that, yes, today is my birthday. Now that I am over 21, I am allowed to drink legally, marry without my parent’s permission, and drop out of high school. That’s some pretty heavy stuff. (more…)

Bent Flying Devil

Bizarro is brought to you today by Simple Concepts.

This “stooped” cartoon got a range of mail from “Love it! Can I buy the original art?” to “I am offended by your mocking bone disease.” That disparity is fairly typical. Sorry to anyone who thought I was mocking them. I just thought it was a funny pun when you compare the word “stooped” with the usual T-shirt that says, “stupid.” Now, don’t get upset all over again, I am not saying that people with posture problems are stupid. Some of them are, some of them are not. Their posture has nothing to do with that. (more…)

Not Forgetting

Bizarro is brought to you today by September 11th.

If you’ve looked at today’s comics online or in the paper, you will have noticed that a large number of them are commemorating the 9/11/01 attack on NYC. Months ago, all of us in the industry were asked to do something in today’s comic for the anniversary. I suspect most cartoonists complied, though I’ve only seen a handful of them so I can’t be sure. (more…)

>Tsar Stars

>Bizarro is brought to you today by Tsars.

I’ve been away from the blog for a few days, I hope you missed me. I missed you in a way that can only be described as “sort of, in an abstract way.”

The reason I’ve been missing this week was because my good friend and colleague, Wayno, was visiting from his hometown of Chugfuggit, Tennessee. We worked together, ate together, drank together, showered together (but in different bathrooms) for three days and right about now he’s back in his cabin in the hills and his wife is trying to get the cigar smell out of his clothing. Hahaha. Good luck, Tiffany Chrystal.

I think most people these days spell the word, “czar,” but “tsar” is perfectly acceptable and maybe older. I don’t really know, but it worked better for this gag because it is a rearrangement of the word “star”. I like a reality show where the losers are killed onstage. That’s how I roll.

The “seeing-eye man” is a fun gag about a blind dog. Some dogs are actually blind, I used to have one myself, so I’m surprised I didn’t get some hate mail from readers who found it insensitive. I have gotten a fair amount of hate mail in the past few days over a couple of other comics, which I will be sharing with you in a post in the very near future.

I got no hate mail about this last cartoon, either. I guess nobody feels sorry for museum busts, like this one of Michael Jackson. That, in itself, makes me feel sorry for them and now I’m sorry I ever did this cartoon. My sincere apologies to any and all busts who read Bizarro. I have betrayed you and I regret it. Please excuse my poor judgment, it won’t happen again.

More tomorrow. We’ve been dumped on by a few thousand tons of snow here in Brooklyn, again. Bizarro International Headquarters is still digging its way out.

To find many fine products with these cartoons on them, just click the cartoon!

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