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Bush Voyeurs

bizarro 09-04-16 hdrWEB

(Enjoy these cartoons more through the magic of embiggenation. Click any article of clothing within a cartoon to achieve it.)

Bizarro 09-04-16 clr WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Another Monkey Cartoon.

What happens when a super smart British lady crouches in the bushes for 56 years? We find out a lot about chimps and also ourselves, since we are their closest relatives, that’s what! Some of what she learned is that, like us, chimps sometimes commit random acts of violence against their own kind and that we, like them, if imprisoned in a zoo, sometimes go crazy and throw poop. Yes, I am intentionally writing this paragraph as a sixth-grade C student might write a school report.
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Monkey School

Every so often I do a cartoon that attracts a certain amount of angry mail. Normally it is for something I didn’t do that the reader misunderstood or something I did unintentionally, like using a word I didn’t know was a hot button for a certain group. The following bit of angry mail relates to the cartoon below and is a new category for me so I thought I’d share it, lest you have “innocent, impressionable children” at home and you should want to protect them.bz panel 08-31-15
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Comics Censorship

I’m breaking out of my normal routine today to tell you about a blog post by one of my friends and syndicated cartoonist colleagues, Rina Piccolo. Rina draws a popular cartoon strip called “Tina’s Groove,” and, just like the rest of us whose main income comes from newspaper cartoons, is subject to the ludicrously (and I use that word literally) puritanical standards of newspaper comics. We’ve all had comics pulled from our lineup that wouldn’t even be called “edgy” in any other form of mainstream comedy because they could result in our features being cancelled in a given market. Rina describes the situation and reasons behind this phenomenon rather eloquently and it offers an interesting view into the behind-the-scenes workings of the syndicated comics world.
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Debunking the Mystery

Bizarro is brought to you today by A Table With Your TM Mantra On It.

Early this morning I had already gotten a few questions about this cartoon. Apparently, “TM” is not a common enough phrase anymore so it mystified many readers.

It stands for “Transcendental Meditation,” a particular brand of meditating that touts a celebrity guru, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, as its founder. I actually took the TM course a few years ago and learned to meditate. What I found out is that it is extremely subjective. I do believe that meditation is a good mental practice for achieving a calmer state of mind in general. It helped me relax, think more clearly, worry less, etc. What I don’t believe is that there is any magic in the process or the mantra, which is what TM clearly promotes. In my experience the practice of sitting quietly for 20 minutes and repeating any mental image or word inside my head will achieve the same results. I’ve experimented with this for myself so I know it to be true. (more…)

Hate Mail!

This just came in today and I wanted to share it with my Jazz Pickles because many of you love this kind of hate mail as much as I do.

Regarding yesterday’s “peace treaty” cartoon, here is the email in its entirety:

“You need to start looking for a new line of work because your shit is really sucking for air. Don’t respond.  I don’t want it.” (more…)

Drunk Driving Reptiles

Bizarro is brought to you today by Irish Yoga.

First off, I’d like to say that I’m allowed to trash the Irish and St. Patrick’s Day because my mother is part Irish, rendering me an indeterminate percentage Irish. Plus, my first wife was mostly Irish, making my two daughters, Krelspeth and Krapuzar (Gaelic names) about half Irish. I also come from a staunch Catholic family and went to Catholic school. And I drink a lot of whiskey on a regular basis. So I’m covered. (more…)

Dr. Sheik Rabbit Highway Star Burqa

Bizarro is brought to you today by Super Mistakes.

It’s been a week since I’ve posted because I had to get ready to leave town for my show in Washington D.C. over the weekend, fly there, do the show, then come home. I’ve done all that now so I’m back at headquarters and blogging like a chimp with a new laptop. (more…)

The Evil 20%

Of all the millions of dollars, millions of hours of planning, training, dedication, sweat, pain, the lifetimes of dedication from hundreds of athletes and musicians, of all the lifelong dreams that were fulfilled and shattered at yesterday’s Super Bowl, the biggest point of discussion today is that a single person extended one of the two “magic, evil fingers” all by itself, without one of the other fingers as a chaperone. (more…)

Anal Painting

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Costume That Wouldn’t Come Off.

I thought I might get an editor or two who did not want to publish this cartoon because of the phrase, “anal probe.” But no one blinked and it made it into all my client papers. I did, however, get a brief note from a reader who said it was “very inappropriate for a family newspaper.” (more…)

Holiday High Jinks

Nowadays, virtually everyone knows that Christopher Columbus was not a hero, but a despot of the first order. Here’s what I was taught in public school verses the truth:

1. Columbus was trying to prove the world was round. TRUTH: In CC’s day, Europeans knew the world was round, the debate was how big around it was. Some thought it was very large, which was correct, others thought it was quite small and you could get to Asia more quickly by sailing west. CC was in the wrong camp. (more…)

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