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Getting Under Your Skin

bz panel 08-02-13bz strip 08-02-03Bizarro is brought to you today by Tattoo Editors.

A lot of amusement can be found by going to the Google, typing in “misspelled tattoos,” then hitting the “image” link below the search window. Here are three of my recent favorites: 123.

My known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh, thought up this tribute to the ill-conceived tattoo. His blog post about this collaborations features his original sketch and a link to his own regrettable tattoo. Amuse yourself with it here, then come back for more fun. (more…)

Weekend in Bugrump

bz panel 08-01-13Bizarro is brought to you today by I Gave Him $5 For The Laugh.

This was one of those cartoons that required a little extra work to convert from panel to strip. As I’ve mentioned here before, I draw the vertical panel first, then use the elements to create the horizontal strip version. This often requires some extra drawing. Since this gag is very vertical in its original form, I had to move the airline displays down quite a bit and enlarge them so they could be read. This changed the angle that the pig’s head needed to point so I had to flop and reattach it. Then, of course, there’s the matter of the extra drawings needed to fill the blank spaces at the left and right. Montel Williams was nice enough to step in as the character at right. (more…)

Monsieur Spud Noggin

bz panel 07-31-13bz strip 07-31-13Bizarro is brought to you today by My Spud Childhood.

I’ve done a lot of Mr. Potato Head cartoons; many that are better than this one, to be honest. But when you do 365 cartoons per year for nearly three decades (Bizarro started in January of 1985) some are better than others. In my CLASSICS CORNER section today, I offer one of my favorites, which also touches on the subject of cannibalism. Can potatoes help it if they’re delicious? (more…)

Cradle Robbers

bz panel 07-30-13bz strip 07-30-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Walking Head.

Relationships of widely varying ages have always interested me. It is obvious that they can work; I personally know several people who are 20-or-more years apart and have enjoyed long and happy marriages. But I suspect those are the exception rather than the rule. Although I find young women attractive physically, I can’t get past their relative immaturity enough to be attracted to them for anything other than sex. That’s not to say that I have sex with much-younger women––I don’t. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t sleep with someone I’m not emotionally involved with. I’ve only once achieved an emotional attraction with someone who was notably younger than I (15 years) and while it was great fun for a while, it ended badly both emotionally and financially. I do not anticipate trying it again. (more…)

Numbers Game

bz panel 07-29-13bz strip 07-29-13Bizarro is brought to you today by ASD (Abdominal Strings Disorder)

My annual checkup is coming up soon and I’m dreading it. Not because I’m afraid they’ll find something wrong with me or I don’t enjoy paying a relative stranger to insert a rubber-clad finger into my butt, but because the process will take a couple of hours out of my day and cost me money to get bad news or no news at all. My doctor will also chastise me for not following his instructions last year to get up at the ass-crack of dawn (two anal references in the first paragraph; a new record for me!) and wait in line at a clinic to have my blood taken for routine testing. Blech! (more…)

Anime Hospital

bz panel 07-27-13bz strip 07-27-13Today’s Bizarro is brought to you by Eyes of the Beholder.

This is a simple pun with a fun visual but I’d like to go on record as saying I’m no fan of anime. If you’re not familiar with the genre, it is pronounced “an’-i-may,” and although it is the Japanese word for “animation,” it has come to represent a style of cartoons and animation that grew popular in Japan throughout the latter half of the 20th century and has spread throughout the world as a type of comic art. The characters, for the most part, all look about like the ones in this cartoon, regardless of the artist who drew them. In principle, I’m not keen on any form of art that requires the artist to follow strict guidelines and such seems to be the case with anime; if the girls don’t look like 8-year-olds dressed up like whores with huge, fried-egg eyes, it isn’t anime. To be honest, the genre reeks of pedophelia. But that’s not what this cartoon is about. (more…)

Pooch Suitor

bz panel 07-26-13bz strip 07-26-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Avante Dogs.

Does this cartoon imply that if you send your dog to an Ivy LBz panel 10-14-06 new puppyeague school that his pick-up technique will be more sophisticated than humping a leg? Yes, it does. If this is in your dog’s future, get him one of these.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In keeping with my habit of including an old cartoon each day in my blog, here’s one from ’06 that got some terrific hate mail. I can’t find it now (of course!) but the woman was angry with me because, according to her, plenty of people abuse and neglect their children and “we” shouldn’t be giving them more ideas with cartoons like mine. Really? Really? I told her that if someone was irrational enough to give up their children for a dog, the kids were better off anyway, and that the reason I wrote this cartoon was because of all of the idiots who drop their family dog off at the city shelter because they are afraid it would hurt the baby. This happens a lot, I’m sorry to say.

Creative Lip Reading

bz panel 07-25-13bz strip 07-25-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Religious Dummy.

I do love me some ventriloquist gags. I saw a creepy movie called “Magic,” starring Anthony Hopkins, back in 1978 and loved it. I was a kid then and have not seen it since, so I’ve no idea if it was actually any good. Still, I’ve been sort of fascinated by the surreal possibilities of ventriloquism dummies ever since.  This gag also has “alternative lifestyle” undertones, so to me that makes it even more amusing. bz panel 11-30-06 ventriloquist (more…)

Salty Sex

bz panel 07-24-13bz strip 07-24-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Real Life Mermaid.

Anyone remember the film, “Splash”? It came out in the late 1900s and starred Tom Hanks as a New York guy and Daryl Hannah as a mermaid who’s walking around temporarily on legs for some reason, and they fall in love. Daryl was sexy as can be in that movie and everyone fell in love with her. Tom was probably really sexy, too, but I don’t recall. (more…)

Heavenly Desires

bz panel 07-23-13bz strip 07-23-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Afterlife Fantasies.

I don’t believe in an afterlife, but if I did, it would be wonderful to be availed of any kind of sensory pleasure you could dream of without consequences or guilt. Among my personal (and very long) list would be warm, glazed donuts at your fingertips with no concern for gained weight,  sex with your favorite movie stars, beef fajitas without the torture and slaughter of a fellow being, crazy-fun drug trips without risk of arrest or damage to your health, riding a motorcycle at 100 miles an hour without threat of injury or death. (more…)

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