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Close Shave

(Make your day largerized by embiggenating the following cartoon with a click to the executioner’s belly.)

A few commenters admonished me about the above cartoon because “beheadings are no laughing matter.” Then I got some comments about sensitive skin being no laughing matter, and one about big, hairy, shirtless men in leotards being no laughing matter. I totally agree with that last one.
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Precious Moments

 

(For the added thrill of embiggenation, click the TV screen.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Headless.

This is one of those rare cartoons that came from personal experience. I was ten years old when the moon landing was televised “live” and remember watching it on TV with my parents and sisters. I was too young to be as impressed by the achievement as I should have been, but I could see how amazed my parents were and that gave me a sense of reverence and awe.
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Driven

(Get into the whole embiggenation thing by clicking on the headlight of the red car.)

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Actual Fortune Tellers.

I’ve taken Uber or Lyft a few dozen times and with one exception, have always had a positive experience. The exception was in LA and the guy driving our car seemed friendly enough to Olive Oyl and me but was prone to honking at other drivers, cussing them out under his breath, and weaving through traffic to cut people off that he thought had offended him. His driving was such a stereotypical example of road rage that it seemed like a scene from a sit-com, but scary. (I once watched 8 minutes of an episode of Two and a Half Men and found it equally scary, but in a different way. Getting Charlie Sheen as your Uber driver would perhaps be a perfect storm. )
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A Mile In My Shoes

(Make the below cartoon more embiggened by clicking the red helmet.)

Bizarro is brought to you by Striking Resemblances.

Remember when you were young and in a band and going to loud concerts and you ignored the advice of adults who warned you about protecting your hearing?  Well, as clueless and uncool as those decrepit geezers seemed, either they were correct or they cruelly cast a voodoo spell on you as punishment for ignoring their advice, and you can now only hear about 85% of the syllables people aim at you. Or at least, that’s what happened to me. It is for this reason that I stay away from skydiving and other activities during which a misunderstanding could result in my death.
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Big Something

(The embiggenation of some of these images can be caused by clicking on them.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by America’s Next President If I Have My Way.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Bigfoot lately, although I’ve no idea why. In the cartoon above, we see that Sasquatch belongs to a family in which each member has one oversized thing. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)
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Chasing Pants

(To embiggenate the cartoon below, strike it solidly in the middle with your cursor.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Running Apparel. 

If you are a person with at least one eye that works in the usual fashion and you have the average amount of observational skills, you may notice the difference between the cartoon I’ve posted above and the one that appeared in your local newspaper’s funnies today or at the top center spot on today’s Bizarro.com homepage. The one in newspapers and on Bizarro.com’s homepage is the one I submitted for publication four weeks ago––the one in this blog is one I took from my computer and posted here moments before I typed this sentence. Sometimes when I look at a cartoon four weeks later as I prepare to post it, I see a way to improve the gag in some small way and so I change it. That’s the reason for today’s change. I think this version sells the gag a little better than the original one. (I’ll tell you the difference at the end of this blog post in case you can’t spot it.)*
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Cap’n Cleek

(To embiggenate an image, click any object within the drawing that would in reality weigh more than 18 ounces.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by High Speed Golf Cart.

I’ve often remarked that one reason pirates are so popular with cartoonists is that it is the only way we can do a cartoon about a disability without being buried under an avalanche of angry mail accusing us of being insensitive. If I published a cartoon about a one-legged old lady at the grocery store people would get pissed, but the same gag about a one-legged pirate is fair game. That doesn’t mean I’ve never gotten angry mail from a pirate cartoon. I got three very nasty letters about this cartoon, but it is noteworthy that none came from a disabled person; only people who felt sorry for disabled people and didn’t like them being made fun of. In contrast, that same cartoon garnered numerous letters of thanks from disabled people who reported that their sense of humor was an important tool in overcoming the hardships and inconveniences they’d faced. And I got one letter from a prosthetics company that wanted to put that cartoon on T-shirts to give out to their clients. I’ve often used that story to help guide me in deciding whether or not to do a cartoon like this.
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Lettuce Pray

(For those who are curious about the emgiggenation arts, click any image.)

At this writing we are two days away from celebrating what may be America’s last birthday and that’s the reason for this patriotic cartoon. It might not seem patriotic at first, but consider this:

Scientific consensuses are rare but recent polls have shown that the overwhelming majority of science professionals agree that large-scale head transplant programs are America’s best hope of ever returning to something remotely resembling sanity. Accordingly, for the sake of our democracy,  I support experimental efforts like the one above. The sooner we perfect these procedures, the sooner we’ll get out of this nightmare.
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Ancient Legos

 

(Dost though seek embiggenation? Click thee an image henceforthwithverily.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Simple Explanations.

Stonehenge is one of those things that, by nature of its mystery, has been the subject of innumerable cartoons. I’ve done quite a few myself. Here’s one that springs to mind. And here’s another that is partly about Stonehenge.
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Priorities

(Make any image come alive with embiggenation by clicking it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Then Vs. Now.

My weekly blog is three days late because I was traveling last week, culminating in a visit to the annual cartoonists convention which this year was in Portland, Oregon. A good time was had by all, and by “all” I mean Olive Oyl and myself. Other people seemed to be having a good time, too, but I can’t speak for them with any authority. Here is a picture of me with the great Bill Plympton. He seems to be thrilled to meet me, as one might expect.
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