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Bay of Cartoonist Pig

Bizarro is brought to you today by Fuzzy History.

When I first wrote the cartoon at left I smiled and said, “Oh, what a clever boy am I.” I mistakenly thought I’d written a pretty funny cartoon. But apparently, to many readers, the fact that the nationality of the riders of the motorcycle in question was wrong, it completely ruined the cartoon and made me look like a fool. Here’s an example of one of the emails I received: (more…)

Evolving Diet Hand-Me-Down

Bizarro is brought to you today by Christmas Confusion.

I keep promising myself (and you, dear Jazz Pickles) that I will post more often on this blogging machine but then I don’t get around to it. Part of the problem is that I keep looking for ways to get out of the house because I’m living alone for the first time in ten years and I get pretty blue and lonely if I don’t get out. Today I rode my bicycle 5.6 miles (according to the Google Map) to a branch of my bank to deposit a few dozen dollars worth of checks. It was mostly an excuse to get out in the sun and exercise, so an 11.2 mile ride was just the thing. (more…)

Anal Painting

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Costume That Wouldn’t Come Off.

I thought I might get an editor or two who did not want to publish this cartoon because of the phrase, “anal probe.” But no one blinked and it made it into all my client papers. I did, however, get a brief note from a reader who said it was “very inappropriate for a family newspaper.” (more…)

Puppet Fish Wood Shaking

Bizarro is brought to you today by Glee!

First, let me thank all of you who left comments on my last post. It’s great to hear from so many of you. Cartooning and blogging can be lonely activities; you create stuff, send it out into the world and wonder if anyone sees it. Before the Interwebs, it was really lonely. The occasional bit of snail mail was all you had to tell you if anyone was reading. (more…)

Restroom Sketch

Bizarro is brought to you today by

My buddy, Andy Cowan, (former writer for TV shows like Seinfeld, Third Rock From the Sun, and Cheers) and I got to riffing recently on restroom signs and came up with a gob of them. I culled the best of the batch and made this comic for you, which I hope will make you smile. I’ve done a few restroom sign cartoons before. I think it’s an amusing motif, although I got some hate mail for this one. (more…)

Religion Again?

Bizarro is brought to you today by Keeping the Faith.

I hope everyone here in the U.S. had a lovely holiday weekend, and that everyone elsewhere had a lovely weekend in spite of its lack of holidayness. I did what I often do on holidays: stayed home and worked. The Bizarro factory is woefully understaffed and is required to keep cranking out silly drawings no matter the occasion, so if I’m not here supervising it just doesn’t get done. Thank goodness for the foreign orphans I hold captive in my basement working round the clock on this stuff or I’d never get it all done. Thanks, kids! (not that any of them can read this blog) (more…)

Irish Gay Smoking Hatred

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hybrids.

It is St. Patrick’s Day today and to commemorate it, I’m spending most of it worrying that Matthew McConaughey will star in a movie that I really want to see. Not only does he have far too many letters in his last name (blame the Irish) he reminds me of the sort of arrogant rednecks I grew up with in Oklahoma and Texas. He may well be a terrifically nice person, but I can’t watch him on screen. It hurts. (more…)

Man Hate

Oh joy, oh rapture, I’ve received another piece of classic hate mail! I get complaints from time to time – some ridiculous and some legitimate – the vast majority of which I am happy to answer politely.  But occasionally I get one from a rude nitwit that doesn’t warrant a polite answer and when that happens, I bring it to you. Today is your lucky day. (more…)

>Hate Humor?

>Bizarro is brought to you today by The Elephant Boy.

It’s been hate mail week here at Bizarro International Headquarters. I got a few letters on each of the first two comics posted here.

Several people thought that the Elephant Snowman cartoon was insensitive to people suffering from deformities and found it incomprehensible that I made fun of them in this way. I politely explained that I was not making fun of deformities, but simply finding a funny way to lampoon a famous line from a movie, David Lynch’s The Elephant Man. It was suggested in strong terms that I apologize to all of the people who suffer from so-called “Elephantitis” (Proteus syndrome) and after a little research I found that there are about 100 such people living in the world today. If any of them are readers of Bizarro, I hope they understood the cartoon the way it was intended. I’m kind of guessing there aren’t any but you can never be too careful.

A side note: I did not receive complaints on either of these two cartoons on the same subject. One. The other.

I thought the hate mail fest was over, but then I got a couple of letters about this spoof of the La-Z-Boy recliner. Apparently people who are related to people suffering from mental disorders, like schizophrenia, object to the term “crazy.” That makes sense, I suppose, but I would contend that this is not a joke that perpetuates the poor treatment of those with mental illnesses, it’s just a silly pun on “lazy”. As with the PC language movement in general, I don’t believe changing what people call people does much to change the way they react to them. I think it’s a chicken-or-the-egg situation: the term “negro” was polite until bigots used it with enough frequency that it became a slur. “Black” wasn’t derogatory when African-Americans chose it for themselves in the 1960s, it became derogatory because it has been standard for decades and bigotry is still common. Eventually, “African-American” will be thought of as derogatory as well. Etc., etc., and on and on. A large percentage of us are jerks, no matter what language we are taught to use.

For the record, I’m not a jerk. I don’t knowingly discriminate against people for things that are beyond their control like appearance, ethnicity, mental or physical disabilities, sexual orientation, height, etc. I often discriminate against people for their beliefs and behavior, however. I’m a discriminating discriminator.

Looking for a smooth segue? How could you ask for a smoother one than from that last discussion to this cartoon about gay horses? I’m so glad that our government has finally joined the 21st century and repealed the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. If someone is willing to wield a gun to defend me I don’t give a damn what turns them on. Of course, it won’t end discrimination, but it’s a baby step in the right direction.

In summary:
I apologize to victims of Proteus syndrome if my joke bothered you.
I apologize to the mentally impaired and their loved ones if my joke bothered them.
I’m a bigot toward bigots and I don’t apologize.
And while I’m at it, it occurs to me that this post wasn’t very funny so I apologize for that, too.

So very, very sorry for so, so much.

If you’d like to peruse many fine products with the above cartoons emblazoned thereupon, click the cartoon.

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