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Pet Parking Eunuch Humping Loaf

Bizarro is brought to you today by Parenting.

I took some time off to travel but am happy to be back in my captain’s chair here at Bizarro International Headquarters.

Accordingly, here are a passel of cartoons to catch you up to date. First up is a cartoon that proved popular among readers. Personally, I never use my first pet’s name as a security question because, although I loved the dog, I never liked her name: “Penny.” I don’t have anything against the name per se, but my older sister picked it and so it seemed feminine to me. I was rooting for “Spike” or “Killer.” She looked not unlike the dog in this cartoon, except that her spots were brown. Like you care. (more…)

Mattress Fine Boss Penguin Pirate

Bizarro is brought to you today by Courageous Eyebrows.

Man (woman and undecided), it’s been a busy week at Bizarro International Headquarters. So much going on that I can barely keep up. Last weekend I was at the San Diego Comic Con, which if you like 10 square miles of unnavigable crowds of nerds and wackos is where you ought to be. It’s gotten so out of hand that it’s beginning to make Burning Man look like a Republican convention. (more…)

Founding Relationship Stink Island Crow Finger

 

(To make this cartoon as big as the constitution, click on Washington’s nose.)

Bizarro is brought to you by The Politics of Fear.

I wanted to publish this cartoon closer to July 4 because it would be in keeping with the theme of the holiday but it didn’t come to me until too late. Still, the 15th isn’t so bad and the constitution wasn’t signed on the 4th anyway (that was the Declaration of Independence), so who cares? (more…)

French Wine Vote Flash Bowl

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hamsters Gone Wild.

Here in the United States of America, we celebrate our Independence from British tyranny each July 4th. We do this by staging mock, decorative war in the skies over our towns and cities. If these faux wars are this beautiful, imagine how breathtaking real war must be! (more…)

Facebook Toot Stink Seltzer

Bizarro is brought to you today by PC or Not PC?

Hello, mates. (Imagine me saying this paragaph with an English accent.) Do you like jolly good fun? Well you’ve come to the right drum and bass, by George, because that’s what I’ve brought you today with these four brand new, hot-from-the-crumpet-oven cartoons! Can you find all 7 icons (or “secret symbols”) in this large Sunday cartoon above? It’s a tough one. To make it bigger, click on the lady’s shoe. (more…)

App Monster Stooge Car Caveman

Bizarro is brought to you today by Abstract Motors.

My life is getting exponentially busier lately and I barely have time to post. In fact, I don’t have time today but I am crowbarring it into my schedule like John Goodman into a pair of Spankx.

Here are the cartoons I’ve published since I last posted. This first one is about an app that my iPhone came with. It runs whenever I’m not using it and reminds me each time I take it out of my pocket how empty life is. (sigh) (more…)

Less Than a Dozen Cartoons

Bizarro is brought to you today by Eye Jinx.

Are you a person who enjoys things? I am too. Here’s something I hope you’ll enjoy: between five and seven cartoons.

The first one is about how Newton discovered gravity when an apple conked him on the noggin. The truth is, the whole story is a myth. Newton was not hit by an apple, but a grand piano falling from the fourth floor of those old, crumbly European buildings they have everywhere over there. The blow to his head caused him to go crazy and make up a bunch of sciency stuff about gravity and some other things. It was hilarious. (more…)

Cavalcade of Comedy Carnage

(To see a much big version of these cartoons, click them why don’t you?)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Where Have I Been?

Good gravy, Jazz Pickles, it has been a long time since I posted on my blog. I’ve been running around the Non-East Coast on a small comedy tour and that stuff is time-consuming, brain-eating, and deadline-threatening. But I’m almost caught up on life so I’m back to posting. Here now are a jilliondyfive cartoons to get you caught up on everything that has published since I last posted. Whew! (more…)

Cat Blood Sandwich

Bizarro is brought to you today by Pride.

In a couple hours I’m off on my mini comedy tour of northern California and Portland, Oregon. I hope it goes well, I hope I see some of you Jazz Pickles at the shows, I hope I find a bag of untraceable money that no one will ever know I have. That would be the perfect trip. (more…)

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