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Civilized Saucers

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Bizarro is brought to you today by The Perfect Gift.

Have you ever felt the need to run away from “civilization” and live a more natural life? It seems to me that there is little about civilization that is civilized and little about humans that is humane. Accordingly, I have found myself rethinking my choices in this world. It’s not that civilization is treating me badly, it most certainly isn’t, especially on a worldwide scale. It’s more about getting in touch with what I am, not what I’ve become as the result of social pressure and historical tradition. In my recent readings about the origins of human societies, I’ve begun to see that we are far from what we should be, and my instincts tell me that I’d be much happier and live a more meaningful life if I were more true to my nature. That’s where my head’s been at lately and why I wrote this cartoon.
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Genesis Fat Brat Drugs

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So I was thinking what would happen if Adam and Eve’s neighbors happened by just as they were standing naked together, talking to a snake and eating a piece of “forbidden” fruit. Now, I know in the classic version there were no neighbors because Adam and Eve were the first humans, but according to the same story, they had a couple of sons, Cain and Able, and one of them grew up and got married. So where did his bride come from? This leads me to believe that either this is a traditional myth used to teach a certain lesson, or incest was okay for a very long time (until there were enough people to find someone to mate with to whom you were not very closely related.)  Ew. I’m going to assume it is a myth.
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Chiropractic Tarzan

Bizarro 11-30-14 hedrWEB Bizarro 11-30-14 WEB (Click the images to make them look bigger with suddeness.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Nothing a Can of Gasoline and a Match Wouldn’t Cure.

Sorry for the missing posts over the weekend. The site was wearing it’s cranky pants and wouldn’t let me post.

This is the most literal example of “gallows humor” you may ever see. And in the end, it isn’t dark at all, which sort of takes it out of the category altogether. Oh, the contradictions of life.
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Basketboulder

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Why Wash When You Can Bash?

My mind wandered recently about the beginning of basketball and wondered what they used for the ball before modern technology created what we now use. Going further back, I imagined this scene of a couple of cave dudes fighting over a boulder. Since I am not a terribly tall person (3’7″) I’m always last to be picked for basketball teams. That is, until they find out that I can fly, and also become invisible at will. Who’s laughing now, tall people?
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Quintuple Cavalcade of Comedy

Bizarro is brought to you today by Tiny Alien.

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Monday: Dogs are funny. Dogs without electronics are just sad. (Get a print of this cartoon.)

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Tuesday: I was on a jury once for a one-day civil trial and it was boring as hell. I can imagine after a long trial wishing that someone would kill me. (Get a print of this cartoon.)
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DNA Hippo Can Bellbottoms

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Granny Sale.

 

It’s Saturday, so I’m posting the silliness exhibited in Bizarro since Thursday. If that confuses you, consult your local calendar expert. I have no specific comments to make about any of them. I know, it is rare.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

REZARRO: From Bizarro of 1998, I offer you this other bit of foolishness that has deep, hidden meaning. Let me know if you figure out what it is so I’ll have a good answer should someone ask.bizarro981002WEB

Mass Entertainment

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I wrote today’s cartoon with the “dumbing down” of American audiences in mind but I used gross exaggerations to do it. I’m not one to have season tickets to the symphony, either (though I’ve been a few times and enjoyed it) and most Americans wouldn’t watch a man eat a piano for long, but there are plenty who would. As I think about it now, though, there has always been a wide audience for lowbrow entertainment and a smaller one for higher quality endeavors of any kind, so this is nothing new. Even in Shakespeare’s time, the theater across the street was offering amateur juggling competitions called “England’s Got Balls,” and these shows were much more popular than Hamlet and the like. (more…)

Cave Sex Battles

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I’m a self-proclaimed amateur expert on human behavior and anthropology and was pondering one day about how women tend to be more verbal than men. It then occurred to me that it would not surprise me in the least to find that females attained speech long before men, which is the point of this cartoon. It now occurs to me that an alternate interpretation of this cartoon is that both sexes had speech but it was hundreds of years before men actually started using it. That wouldn’t surprise me, either. Though most of my cartoons are not autobiographical, this one almost is. I’m not the traditionally silent type and probably talk far too much for my own good, but I was once married to a woman who could not stop talking if you had sewn her mouth shut. She woke up rambling on and on and it continued until after I fell asleep at night. It was disturbing, and not just to my sleep. (For a color print of this comic, go here.) (more…)

Casual Probing Racism Comb-over

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I moved from NYC to LA a few years ago and have become even more keenly aware of the differences in their cultures than I was when I was only visiting here. Life in California is generally so much more relaxed than in NYC, which isn’t surprising, but the effect it has on people is glorious. The average person on the street––behind a counter or reception desk, answering a phone call for a business, driving a bus, etc.––is friendlier by a factor of 6.3 (by my unofficial calculations) than their East Coast counterparts. I love that about the West. Thinking along this line, I couldn’t help imagining the clash between how things are done in offices in the east compared to the west. (more…)

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