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Cap’n Cleek

(To embiggenate an image, click any object within the drawing that would in reality weigh more than 18 ounces.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by High Speed Golf Cart.

I’ve often remarked that one reason pirates are so popular with cartoonists is that it is the only way we can do a cartoon about a disability without being buried under an avalanche of angry mail accusing us of being insensitive. If I published a cartoon about a one-legged old lady at the grocery store people would get pissed, but the same gag about a one-legged pirate is fair game. That doesn’t mean I’ve never gotten angry mail from a pirate cartoon. I got three very nasty letters about this cartoon, but it is noteworthy that none came from a disabled person; only people who felt sorry for disabled people and didn’t like them being made fun of. In contrast, that same cartoon garnered numerous letters of thanks from disabled people who reported that their sense of humor was an important tool in overcoming the hardships and inconveniences they’d faced. And I got one letter from a prosthetics company that wanted to put that cartoon on T-shirts to give out to their clients. I’ve often used that story to help guide me in deciding whether or not to do a cartoon like this.
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Small Domiciles

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(To embiggenate any cartoon, move your screen closer to your face. Or just click the image.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Beard Espalier.

The number over my signature in today’s Old West Extravaganza tells us that there are seven Secret Symbols to hunt for and I think I might have even gotten the count correct this time. Lately, there have been a spate of inaccurate symbol counts and I apologize for that. Like I used to tell my 7th grade math teacher, “What’s with your obsession with absolute accuracy all the time? Geez.” 
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Gum Delay

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(Click any rectangular object in any cartoon to embiggenate it.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by The Strange Girl Next Door.

Today’s big Sunday cartoon is about the mixed bag of convenience we get from technology. Historically speaking, each generation witnesses more change than the ones before it. A couple of thousand years ago, a person was lucky to come across a single new invention in their entire lifetime. Five hundred years ago, you might see two or three in a lifetime. A hundred years ago, during the Industrial Revolution, things really heated up and people’s heads were spinning with new inventions coming at them at the alarming speed of one every five years or so. Today, in the time it has taken me to type this paragraph, there have been as many new inventions as there are letters typed. How do I know this? Because of a little invention called lying with authority. I made all these figures up, but I’m guessing they’re more-or-less historically true up to that last one about each letter of this paragraph.
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Lawyer Spelunker Nobody Prison

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Let My People Go.

 

Monday’s cartoon: I could never be an attorney because I wouldn’t be able to make myself fight for guilty or rotten people. Also because I find giant books full of rules make me want to move to another planet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday’s: I love caves and I love the word “spelunking.” I try to use it in casual conversation at least once each day. (more…)

Chomp Stroll Eat Naked

Bizarro 06-01-14 HedrBizarro 06-01-14 WEBbz panel 05-29-14 bz strip 05-29-14bz panel 05-30-14bz strip 05-30-14bz panel 05-31-14bz strip 05-31-14(For a bigger, more better experience, click on any image to enbiggen it.)

Bizarro is brought to you by Who Wouldn’t Want This Done To Their Mouth?

This week was kookoobananas and left me without time to keep up with my blog posts. So here now, are all the cartoons from Wednesday until today. (more…)

Clean Fun

bz panel 02-06-14bz strip 02-06-14Bizarro is brought to you today by How to Dress When Meeting the Prime Minister of Canada.

 

I really love this gag and wish I’d written it. It actually came from my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. He can be a very clever man when properly medicated. It’s been in my cartoon bullpen warming up for months but I saved it until Chinese New Year, in case any of my readers have any idea when that is. (I had to look it up.) (more…)

Internet Holiday

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It’s been a strange two days, Jazz Pickles. I’ve not been able to post anything on FB because I used a naughty word. If you’ve not read the story, see my previous post.

In addition to what I said yesterday regarding censorship, political correctness, and the power of Facebook, I’d like to say that Facebook has become, by its ubiquitous nature, a primary means for hundreds of millions of people to communicate for personal and business reasons. When FB shut me down, my blog readership plummeted because so many of my fans are used to finding out about it from my FB posts. This power that FB has is a new, gray area. I never thought about it before, but FB’s ability to damage the business and personal lives of their membership (estimated at over a billion) gives them a dangerous and unprecedented amount of power. I’m not sure what the answer is, but it’s a problem we should be thinking about. (more…)

Gobble Gone By

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(Want bigger pirates? Click on the the shirtless pirate’s nipple ring.)

Bizarro is brought to you by Spiritual Advice for the Ages.

Happy Sunday After Thanksgiving, Jazz Pickles! Did you eat a lot of food on Thursday? Did you watch football? Did you take a nap? Did you drink lots of mead and get light headed? Did you wake up behind a dumpster in Baltimore with cranberry sauce stains on your tuxedo? (more…)

Teeth Pie Cat Marriage Pain Sleep

 

 

 

 

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Previous Pie Perpetration.

As predicted, the second cartoon in this lineup, which appeared in papers on Tuesday, confused a lot of readers. To understand it, you  have to both be a regular reader of Bizarro and connect it to this first cartoon, which appeared in papers on Monday. (more…)

Mao Dummy Alien Cat Pee God Santa Nixon Crook

 

(To see this cartoon as big as China, click on Mao’s third button.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hover Cats.

I’ve been away for a while visiting my hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was asked to deliver the commencement address at their midterm graduation and had a ball doing it. As many times as I have spoken and performed in public, I was pretty nervous. Big crowd, lots of big brains, funny outfits, a giant basketball scoreboard with a live video feed of me talking hanging over the center of the room right in front of me. To top it all off, I couldn’t see my notes so I had to mostly wing it. I guess it went okay. (more…)

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