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Not Forgetting

Bizarro is brought to you today by September 11th.

If you’ve looked at today’s comics online or in the paper, you will have noticed that a large number of them are commemorating the 9/11/01 attack on NYC. Months ago, all of us in the industry were asked to do something in today’s comic for the anniversary. I suspect most cartoonists complied, though I’ve only seen a handful of them so I can’t be sure. (more…)

Last Post Before Certain Death

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hurricane Irene.

Bizarro Headquarters in Brooklyn is directly in the path of Hurricane Irene today. It should hit us around sunset tonight and last into tomorrow. Much of the city has been evacuated but BzH is on high-enough ground that we have been spared. So here we sit with flashlights, safety goggles, helmets, snorkle gear, fresh water, canned food, cigars, scotch, two laptops with fully-charged batteries  and a stack of DVDs. (more…)

Clones, Babies, Honey, Mom

Bizarro is brought to you today by How To Treat Heat Prostration.

I have been remiss in my blogging responsibilities of late. Spending a week one block from Hell will do that to a person. I was in Texas and Oklahoma visiting family and experienced the daily 100+ degrees of what is being called “the worst heat wave in the history of this area this month.” Oklahoma isn’t actually Hell, but you can easily walk to it from there. Daily highs averaged around 106, the high temperature I experienced was 111 degrees on Saturday. At midnight, when the city was quiet and temps are still in the high 90s, you could hear Satan laughing as he watched reruns of Two and a Half Men. It was chilling, but not in a way that made it any cooler. (more…)

Stupid Heat

Bizarro is brought to you today by I’m Out Of Town and Trying To Do This Quickly So I Didn’t Take The Time To Find A Clever Picture.

Damn, it’s hot down here in Texas. Today we go to Oklahoma where it is even hotter. It’s miserable, but I do take some comfort in knowing that Oklahoma is the state of  Senator Jim Inhofe, the single most outspoken opponent of  Climate Change and all things scientific (I can’t swear to it, but I’d bet he believes in the creation story of Genesis), and one of the singularly stupidest people holding any kind of office anywhere. Except for Michelle Bachmann and if Sarah Palin is ever elected again. I hope he’s frying is ass off. (more…)

Norway Massacre

A lot of people have been asking me about this so I’m posting a few comments about it.

The right-wing maniac who killed a bunch of kids in Norway last week used one of my cartoons in the video he posted about his political beliefs. The still image below, about 2 1/2 minutes into his video, is the one in which my cartoon appears. Mine isn’t the only cartoon he employed; the entire video is one image after another, and a lot of editorial cartoons are used to support his point. (more…)

Bliss Talk

Bizarro is brought to you today by Improper Sexual Advances of the 1950s.

Advances in DNA studies continue to point to the fact that more of our personalities, dispositions, and even personal choices are genetically programmed than we have previously thought. With what we know about evolution, human and otherwise, I have developed a theory of my own, which I will be publishing in the New England Journal of Ideas by People with Perhaps Too Much Time on Their Hands, called The Theory of Too Much Information. It goes like this: (more…)

>Wind Spitting

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(To see these cartoons bigger, click them. To find this McDonalds cartoon on fine merch, click here.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Childhood Dreams.

Today we have two cartoons about clowns. One from now and one from 1997.

I’m one of those people who think that clowns are creepy as hell. I’ve never found graphic representations or photos of clowns creepy, just the live version, the person dressed like a psycho getting in your face and trying to make you laugh. Even as a child I instinctively did not trust people in costumes. Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, clowns, you name it. I couldn’t help but think that if they meant me no harm they would not be concealing their identity. It’s as simple as that.

Ronald McDonald is perhaps the most malevolent clown of all. The fact that the sort of worldwide cruelty and destruction that the McDonald’s corporation is responsible for is represented by a clown is like something from a horror movie. They guy owns thousands of things called slaughter houses, for one thing. “Slaughter” isn’t a funny word. I wont’ go into a lot of detail, but the animal cruelty, environmental destruction and international health crises that are wrought by cheap hamburgers and chicken parts is a holocaust. I know it’s the way the world works and it will not likely ever change, I’m just saying it sends chills down my spine.

I drew the McDonalds cartoon shortly after CHNW and I spent the night in an emergency room when she was hit by a NYC cab. Hospital ERs are not fun to draw because they are either incredibly spare and dull, like the doorway I’ve drawn here, or incredibly complex, like the rest of the rooms full of gadgets and equipment. It’s a no-win for an artist.

“Fopah the Clown” is a weird little story about politically correct language. I don’t remember why I wrote it or what I was thinking, but I’ve never been a fan of PC language in general. After seeing it evolve over the past 30+ years, I think it is a great way to act like we’re doing something to end discrimination without really doing anything. Seems to be little more than lip service.

I could be wrong and probably am. I’m just one man spitting into the wind on a blog, as usual. Please come back and watch me spit some more next week.

Hope the rest of your weekend is like this.

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>Halloween, Idiots, Teeth

>Bizarro is brought to you today by Teeth.

I hope everyone had a dandy Halloween weekend. CHNW and I stayed home and watched scary movies. If you ever want to see a movie that will absolutely make your blood run cold and afraid to be alone after dark for the rest of your life, find one other than 1959’s House on Haunted Hill, starring Vincent Price. If, on the other hand, you want to get stoned and laugh your buttocks off, this might be just the right choice.

I love old movies (and new movies, too, I’m not some weird gay guy still living with his mother, after all) and it always amazes me what passed for scary in olden times. Part of my problem is probably that I don’t believe in anything supernatural – ghosts, demons, magic, spirits, etc. – so I never fall for those kinds of stories. The only movies I find “scary” are films about murderers or whatever. Things that could actually happen to me. I can’t bear slasher or torture movies at all.

When I was a teenager, however, it was different. During my brief few years as a fundamentalist “teen for Jesus” type, I firmly believed in the devil and demons, so movies like The Exorcist scared the crap out of me. Almost as much as the prospect of President Sarah Palin does now, for instance. Oh yeah, it’s election day, I have to go vote. You should go vote, too, unless you’re superstitious and think that gays, Mexicans and socialists are trying to take over America. Then maybe you should skip it.

Let the angry comments begin!

By the way, the “idiot” joke above was a collaboration between me and my good friend, Wayno. Here’s his post on how it morphed as we discussed it.

>Halloween

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Pumpkin
Abuse.

It is Halloween weekend and if I were a 10-year-old child I’d be getting my costume ready for trick-or-treating. But since I am ancient and my sciatica is acting up, I’ll probably stay in with my nurse and have her rub liniment on my lower back. Did I mention my nurse is a 24-year-old student from Sweden?

A few years ago, I started doing “Scariest Halloween Costumes of (year)” Sunday cartoons and have kept that tradition. Here today are all of them since 2007 when I began.

(click the cartoon images for a biggerer view)
As you can see, the first one is graphically fairly simple in comparison to what I did in later years. In this one I referred to global warming, the lead toys from China scandal, NFL quarterback Michael Vick’s dog fighting problems, more about the environment with the over-zealous breeders, and the consistently abhorrent anti-role models, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Strangely, I got the most hate mail about the population crisis. Many fundamentalist Christians took exception to my contradiction of their lord’s instructions to “be fruitful and multiply.” I still contend He was talking about practicing your math skills.

In ’08, an election year, I touched on the collapsing economy and blamed it on the Republicans, which everyone but a die-hard Republican would agree with. I also hit the TV writer’s strike, which has pretty much been forgotten by now. I expected hate mail about the drunken elephant and got some.

2009 brought the term “Zombie bank” into the popular lexicon, which was a natural for this. It was also the year Kanye West made an ass of himself at the MTV awards (or whatever it was), Michael Jackson died, and Fox and it’s minions funded and organized the faux grass-roots protests about health care reform. I got hate mail about the health care reform aspect on this one, of course.

This year’s cartoon does not touch on political events at all, though there were plenty of easy targets. The Fox News funded and organized, faux grass-roots Tea Baggers would have been an obvious choice but American politics have become so incredible incendiary and stupid that I no longer bother to editorialize. (Except here on this blog.) I’ve decided that such things do nothing to change anyone’s mind and amid the current epidemic of idiocy, I might get tarred and feathered or lynched. Still, I think the three topics I chose are funny, especially the little Jesse James Nazi kid with his toy chopper bike. Although Jay Leno stealing candy from a baby makes me smile, too. I can’t imagine what hate mail I could get from this one but I’m often surprised. I’ll keep you updated.

Have fun on Halloween this year and be safe. Unless being safe ruins your fun, in which case you should just go for it. What’s a few less humans on a crowded planet?

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