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Grammarant

Bizarro 05-08-16 HdrWEB

(To commence the embiggenation process, click any vowel on any image.)Bizarro 05-08-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Primitive North American Skeet Shooting.

I’ve confessed here before that I’m a bit of a grammar nazi. So I thought it might be fun to create some circus sideshow banners of people correctly using commonly misused phrases and words. The first one is an age-old pet peeve of mine. I’ve not done an in-depth study of it but I’d estimate that 95% of Americans say “I could care less” rather than the correct, “I couldn’t care less,” when they want to express indifference. Yes, people will know what you mean either way and that’s the main point of language, but it drives me a little bit nuts that “I could care less” means exactly the opposite of what you’re trying to say. I care about my mother (happy Mother’s Day, Mom!) and so it would be very possible for me to care less about her. It would not be possible for me to care more about her. On the other hand, if I care nothing at all about something, it would not be possible for me to care less because I already don’t care at all. And so, I “couldn’t” care less. Don’t think of it as a phrase, think of the literal meaning of the words you are saying.
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Crawling Through Cliches

Bizarro 05-01-16 hdrWEB

(A desire to embiggenate can be satisfied by clicking any of these cartoons.)

Bizarro 05-01-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Simpson’s Shout-Out to Jazz Pickles.

As I’ve said before on this blog, I enjoy doing cartoons within the canon of popular cartoon tropes like the desert island, the shrink’s couch, the man crawling through a desert, etc. Here I combine two of them and use another trope: the self-referential cartoon. Self-referential cartoons can be dangerous because if they’re too easy––a character simply noticing he is in a cartoon without anything more substantial to say about it––it can elicit a groan. I hope not too many people groaned at this one. I thought it was fun.
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Too Many Babies

Bizarro 04-24-16 hdrWEB

(To embiggenate any cartoon, hold down your breakfast and click any yellowish color thrice.)

Bizarro 04-24-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by My Favorite Click Bait of the Week.

If you’re a person who is uncomfortable being honest about sex with your children, this cartoon is an excellent way to teach them about reproduction. It’s a bit more accurate than the old “stork” story, and in a court of law you could argue that it is technically true; babies come from inside the mother. Of course, if you do use this as a teaching tool for your children, prepare to be raising your grandchildren in a few years because their parents are still in middle school.
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Barf Buffet

Bizarro 04-10-16 hdrWEB

(An embiggenation of this cartoon can be achieved by clicking it.)Bizarro 04-10-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Bagel People.

People often compare dogs and cats: which is smarter, which is the better pet, etc. In my opinion, dogs and cats are such dramatically different species that they really can’t be compared. Dogs are pack animals and want to please their leader, cats are solitary hunters and don’t recognize others as part of their group. Huge difference. Like trying to compare gorillas and squirrels––they both have fur, but beyond that, not much to compare.
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Bearing Traffic

Bizarro 04-03-16 hdrWEB

(To enjoy a more embiggenated version of this cartoon, click it twice less than thrice.)Bizarro 04-03-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you by Terror Therapy.

As my faithful Jazz Pickles know, I enjoy the occasional pun as long as it is unpredictable and suggests a good picture. This is one such pun, suggested by my friend, Ed Cohen. Ed gave me “Gridlock and the Three Bears” and I came up with the rest. I had a great time illustrating the classic cars, of which I am a fan but cannot afford a warehouse full of like my comedy colleague, Jay Leno has. (The limit of my current budget is one vintage motorcycle, a ’73 BMW.) I think Bunny’s Emergency Pie Repair truck is amusing, as well as the Odd Duck storefront in the background, and I have always been a fan of the AMC Pacer, one of the strangest little cars ever to be mass produced. (People who hated it said it looked like a “pregnant toaster,” but that was exactly why I loved it!) If you click the cartoon and embiggenate it, you will see that where those cars typically had a “Pacer” logo, mine says “Pie”. Other amusing-yet-tiny details are the Pacer’s license plate, which was issued in the state of “Fornia” and the truck’s, which is from a state called “Dohio”. As you can see from the small number above my signature, there are six secret symbols to be found in this cartoon, as well.
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Charlatans

Bizarro 03-20-16 hdrWEB

(For a more embigginated experience, click any redish color in any cartoon.)Bizarro 03-20-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Walk This Way.

My cartoon today is about the disappointment one feels when they trust someone to fix things and that person turns out to be a charlatan. We’ve all experienced this with politicians and one can read that message as the subtext to the Wizard of Oz: The man at the top, the Great Wizard of Oz, is just a regular guy pulling switches and levers to make himself seem more powerful than he really is. A person can also easily see this as an allegory of Donald Trump’s current campaign.
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New Bizarro T-Shirt!

Hey, Jazz Pickles! If you’re as disgusted by the behavior of some politicians as anyone not currently unconscious is, you might like this comic on a shirt. And if that’s the case, the link below will fix you up real good.

Bizarro 06-27-10 OzPoliticsSHIRTWEB

There are four kinds and several colors of shirts available, and the two that are more pricy than the others are because they are organic cotton. They charge more these days for not ruining the planet as much.
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Flash Fire

Bizarro 03-06-16 hdrWEB

(See some of these images larger by clicking and embiggenating them.)
Bizarro 03-06-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by The First Plausible Explanation I’ve Heard.

There’s a raging controversy on social media this morning about the Christmas tree cartoon above and whether or not the symbol count (small number above my signature) matches the number of actual Secret Symbols hidden therein. Okay, perhaps not a “raging” controversy, but a couple of people have written polite notes asking me what’s up. If you go to Bizarro.com and look at the cartoon posted there in the main frame at the top for today, March 6, 2016, you’ll see that the “K2” on the rooftop door of the building in the upper-right corner of the cartoon is missing. I remember when I submitted this cartoon four weeks ago that my editor told me the symbol count didn’t match, and upon inspection I saw that I had somehow deleted the K2 from the door in one of the hundreds of complicated technologically scientific steps it takes to create one of these images. I remember replacing it and sending the corrected one to King Features but somehow it didn’t make it to the online version. I’m not sure if it made it to the newspaper version, perhaps not. So here now is the corrected version with all six symbols. If you want to see where they all are, here’s a version with the symbols circled. 
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No Good Dogs

Bizarro 01-24-16 HdrWEB

(To experience these cartoons with embiggenation, click any blueish color in an image.)Bizarro 01-24-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Con Artists.

Dogs are experts of human psychology. They wheedled their way into our families tens of thousands of years ago by convincing us that they understand what we are saying, what is important to us, and how we live. When we are present, they are model citizens and can easily distinguish between your new Prada shoes and a shoe-shaped chew toy. But somehow, as soon as we are gone, they forget which is which and chew the Prada into a shape that is useless to the human foot. You may find pieces of it in a different form out in the yard the next day, but like Humpty Dumpty, there’s no putting it back together again. When confronted with this crime, your dog looks as guilty as O.J. did in his Bronco during the infamous slow-speed chase. This would seem to indicate that your dog knows they’ve done something wrong. But here’s where it gets wonky: if you accuse them of something they didn’t do, in fact, could not have done, like forget to pay your Internet provider and now your wifi has been shut off, they’ll look just as guilty. Do they understand culpability, or do they simply know that when you’re angry, looking “guilty” will garner them some leniency?
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Basket Drivers

bizarro 01-17-16 hdrWEB

(To instigate the embiggification process, click a limb of any mammal in any image.)Bizarro 01-17-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Fortune Telling Cartoons.

Today’s double-wide Sunday cartoon is simple but I like it. You may need to click the cartoon to instigate the embiggification process in order to fully get the gag.

bz panel 01-11-16

I don’t fish anymore and have no interest in it but I used to as a kid so I know of what I speak. I suspect the lack of activity is exactly what many avid fishermen like. I don’t eat fish, either, and never have in any large quantities because I can’t stand the way anything that lives in water tastes. That includes all species of fish (saltwater or freshwater) shellfish, squid, octopus, and seaweed. It all has the same horrendous, foul, rotted-flesh taste to me. I’ve tried many times over the course of my life to learn to like it but have come to the conclusion that my revulsion toward it is genetically programmed. I also firmly believe that the oceans are being systematically destroyed by commercial fishing and since the oceans are the engine of weather on our planet, the prognosis isn’t good. I also dislike the fact that fish are left to suffocate when we catch them. It has always bothered me that there is no way to put a fish out of its misery quickly and humanely. Oops. I just took all the fun out of this cartoon, didn’t I? Sorry.
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