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Successful Inferior Parakeet Hostage

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Dressing For Success.

 

I’m not sure where this gentleman is from but wherever it is, he’s enviably successful. And, I want to live there. (For a print of this cartoon, go here.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My own personal adventures in therapy have yielded amazing results and by following this simple credo––Be an inferior version of someone better than you––I’ve become who I am today. Just think of me as a poor man’s Walt Disney. (For a print of this cartoon, go here.) (more…)

Camper Bite Godzilla God

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In creating this first cartoon, I was well aware of the fact that there are plenty of women (and men) out there who really dig this kind of guy. To those folks I’d like to say that the point of this was not to say that this guy is wrong for everyone, just wrong for the gal at the bar. I have a lot of friends who are political, environmental, and/or animal rights activists and some of them have the habit of plastering their vehicles with tons of stickers about their beliefs, as well. I’m not sure how many people actually change their belief system based on the bumper stickers they read while at a red light, but I’m guessing it’s a fairly small percentage. Still, somehow we all like to tell the world what we believe or cherish in one way or another. I, for instance, enjoy wearing a T-shirt that says, “ONE OF MY CHILDREN HAS NEVER BEEN ARRESTED.” (Purchase a print of this cartoon.) (more…)

Puke Snooze Drink Puke

bz panel 09-01-14bz strip 09-01-14bz panel 09-02-14bz strip 09-02-14bz panel 09-03-14bz strip 09-03-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Abe and Friends.

Since I was a child I’ve been fascinated by the fact that some animals feed their young by eating something, then regurgitating it into their mouth. First, let me say how happy I am that humans are not among the species with this charming habit, and secondly, perhaps we should be. Some babies have difficulty digesting certain kinds of foods and perhaps a little pre-digestion would be a good thing. If anyone decides to try this with their own baby, let me know how it turns out, and remember that I am not a doctor nor even a particularly well-educated person so don’t blame me if your baby is irreparably damaged by this experiment. (more…)

Seuss Goth Magic Santa Alien

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Willing Victims.

I’ve always been one to think of “ordinary” things objectively, which is why I’m fairly good at coming up with cartoons. As a kid, I often wondered why cow’s milk was fine but horse or dog or pig milk was revolting. Eventually, I became repulsed by cow’s milk, as well, and as it turns out it’s a pretty unhealthy thing for humans to consume, contrary to everything you’ve heard all your life. That kind of thinking (and research) led me to adopt a vegan diet over 12 years ago, which has greatly improved my health and happiness. That kind of thinking also led to this cartoon about eating famous Seuss characters. (more…)

Beiber Dogs Dog

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Real Men Sleep in a Suit.

 

I’m not a big fan of Justin Bieber but that may be because I’m a cranky, old geezer. Or, it could be that  I need more substantive music. Or, it may be that I hate anyone who is rich, famous, and has a full head of hair. Or, it could just be that I am petty and resent him because he did what I could not––become a wealthy, teen-age sex symbol by the age of 15. Such is human nature. (more…)

Invisible Gluten Table Monsters

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Apart from the amusing nature of a seemingly-floating cell phone, how many other cartoons give you the grandiose beauty of a scenic outlook in such realistic detail? Besides Dilbert, I mean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you gluten free? From what I’ve read, very few people actually have problems with gluten but the vast publicity it has gotten has caused an avalanche of psychosomatic symptoms. Never underestimate the power of suggestion on the human mind. Whatever works for you. (more…)

Moody Warning Congrats Burial

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Learn to Count!

I got an angry comment from a reader about this Hulk cartoon, accusing me of “perpetuating stigma about mental illness.” I apologized for upsetting her but pointed out that the absurdity of this cartoon is enough to prevent people from taking it seriously enough to form opinions about sufferers of bipolar disorder. I’ve several friends and family members with this disorder and I’ve suffered from severe depression my entire adult life (controlled now by meds) so I fully understand both the seriousness and the stigma. If anyone else was offended, please don’t turn green and bust out of your clothes over it. (more…)

Fear Fear Mob

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Required Reading.

 

In spite of the look of this cartoon, it actually has nothing to do with politics. I’m not making a comment about Republicans here, only using their logo because it is an elephant and peanuts would logically be afraid of elephants. Any botanist will tell you that peanuts are known for their logic. I stay away from politics much more these days than I used to because it’s such a disheartening subject. (more…)

Shrinks, Nuts, Crooks, Tramps, Cons

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As is often the case, my Monday and Tuesday were too busy with Bizarro deadlines for me to post, then I got arrested on Wednesday and was still unable to post, but now I’m out on bail so here at long last are Mon’s, Tues’s, Wed’s and Thurs’s cartoons from this week. (more…)

Snooze Knowledge

bz panel 09-16-13bz strip 09-16-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Dreams.

I had a dream once that I had spent over 75 years studying dreams and had become the world’s leading authority on the subject. All this by the age of 24. It was a dream, so don’t try to make sense of the math.

In the dream, the most important thing I had discovered is that everything that various people––from Freud to the Everly Brothers––is completely wrong. Here is a guide to what dreams actually mean. The thing at left is what you dreamed about, the thing at right is what it means. (more…)

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