Page 3 of 1012345...10...Last »

Week That Was

Bizarro 01-18-15 HedrWEBBizarro 01-18-15 WEBbz panel 01-12-15bz strip 01-12-15bz panel 01-13-15bz strip 01-13-15bz panel 01-14-15bz strip 01-14-15bz panel 01-15-15bz strip 01-15-15bz panel 01-16-15bz strip 01-16-15bz panel 01-17-15bz strip 01-17-15(Go ahead and click any of these images and see if I care.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Five Cool Dudes Having a Ball.

I’ve been blogging less frequently lately because I’m working on an oil painting commission and need the extra time. It’s coming along fine, thanks for wondering. I’d like to do more fine art before I die and since I’m old and nearly dead, it’s time to get started on that before it’s too late.

Today’s cartoon stars my beloved Olive Oyl and her cat, Boo. I’m told by one of my Jazz Pickles that Gary Larson did a similar gag back in the 80s and, following the link he provided, I saw that he is correct. Sorry about that. It’s a little embarrassing, but these things happen to cartoonists all the time. His had no secret symbols to look for and mine has seven, though, so there’s that.

Reviewing the cartoons from last week, we have a “hands-on” therapist doing something of a Vulcan Mind Meld on Monday.

On Tuesday a thief is reminded that he’s supposed to take food with his drugs. Since someone invariably asks, I reversed the image between the strip and panel version in order to keep the punchline as close to the end of the reader’s experience as possible.

Wednesday’s cartoon was particularly enjoyed by my friend Randall, from Tulsa. He’s an engineer and says they like to make fun of architects. I didn’t know that but I’m happy to have helped, Randall.

Last Thursday’s cartoon was (and still is) a satire of the Flintstones. As everyone will doubtless remember, Fred’s car didn’t have an engine, he just used his feet to get it moving. Because at least one reader asked about the cables with paddles, I was referring to that contraption they use to zap someone’s heart back into working. Maybe they call that thing a defibrillator, but I’m not exactly sure.

Friday’s cartoon is a hilarious bait-and-switch style gag that plays with the idea of an Indian restaurant. Why aren’t there American Indian restaurants? They probably dined on delicious, healthy cuisine before the White Man arrived with his fast food franchises and high-fructose corn syrup.

Finally, we have Saturday’s cartoon which is about the ubiquitous pumpkin-flavored stuff in America every fall. I dislike pumpkin-flavored things so this gag came from my own personal struggles to keep such things out of my mouth. I wrote, drew, and submitted this cartoon weeks ago but since then have seen a few other everything-is-pumpkin-flavored cartoons. I guess the fad hit critical mass this past year and became a part of the collective unconscious (not the correct usage of that term but you get the idea.) Or maybe people do gags about this every year and I just haven’t noticed, which would be very likely since I don’t much follow cartoons.

PAZZ JICKLES: Exactly a certain number of years ago today, the following cartoon was published in newspapers around the world. This is notable because three days from now is the 30th anniversary of Bizarro. Yes, the first Bizarro cartoon appeared in newspapers on January 21, 1985. How did it suddenly become thirty years later?! It makes my brain hurt. It also makes me feel old. (See comment about my impending death above.) biz03tscooWEB

Genesis Fat Brat Drugs

bz panel 12-04-14bz strip 12-04-14bz panel 12-05-14bz strip 12-05-14bz panel 12-06-14bz strip 12-06-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Man with Huge Wiener.

So I was thinking what would happen if Adam and Eve’s neighbors happened by just as they were standing naked together, talking to a snake and eating a piece of “forbidden” fruit. Now, I know in the classic version there were no neighbors because Adam and Eve were the first humans, but according to the same story, they had a couple of sons, Cain and Able, and one of them grew up and got married. So where did his bride come from? This leads me to believe that either this is a traditional myth used to teach a certain lesson, or incest was okay for a very long time (until there were enough people to find someone to mate with to whom you were not very closely related.)  Ew. I’m going to assume it is a myth.

Another myth in our culture is that women actually want your honest opinion when they ask if they look fat in something. The lady in this cartoon decides to only ask the question once, with all her dresses on at the same time. I like that idea––one question, one lie.

My final salvo this week is a cartoon with an editorial message on the childish behavior of our species toward each other, the rest of the planet’s inhabitants, and the Earth itself. I’ve been reading a lot lately about anthropology and where we went wrong, mental health in a materialistic, technological world, and the science behind spirituality. (Yes, there actually are areas where the two intersect and it is fascinating, especially to this diehard atheist.) I’ve never been so enthralled by a subject. Olive Oyl and I are currently transitioning off of our anti-depressants for good (we hope) with a fairly rigorous regimen of vitamins, minerals, exercise, and meditative practices. We’re both excited to be able to say goodbye to the sinkhole that is allopathic medicine. I’m convinced that pharmaceuticals are among the worst things ever invented by humans. Many bacteriologists are confidently predicting the end of our species will not come in the form of climate change or nuclear war, but disease  and bacteria that is smarter than us or our antibiotics. I’ll let you know how it goes (regarding our quest to be happy without pharmaceuticals, not the end of human civilization.)
BIZARCHAEOLOGY: From the year 2000 I bring you a cartoon about which I have just spoken in the paragraph above. Stay tangy, Jazz Pickles.bizarro 03-03-00WEB

Bear Blog Mouse Eskimo

bz panel 11-17-14bz strip 11-17-14bz panel 11-18-14bz strip 11-18-14bz panel 11-19-14bz strip 11-19-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Freudian Typo.

Insider tip: Don’t bother calling Teddy Bear Headquarters on a Monday. Those dudes are some picnic-loving freaks.






Insider tip: Don’t use a therapist who has a blog on which he features highlights from each week’s therapy.










Insider tip: Mice taxis are notoriously inefficient. But when you’re spending your life in a rodent prison, it’s worth a try.




PREBIZTORICALS: Did someone say, “What’s in your archives today, Dan?” No? Well, maybe they did and I didn’t hear them so here’s something from 1999. bizarro 01-29-99EskimoWEB

Successful Inferior Parakeet Hostage

bz panel 10-13-14bz strip 10-13-14bz panel 10-14-14bz strip 10-14-14bz panel 10-15-14bz strip 10-15-14



Bizarro is brought to you today by Dressing For Success.


I’m not sure where this gentleman is from but wherever it is, he’s enviably successful. And, I want to live there. (For a print of this cartoon, go here.)














My own personal adventures in therapy have yielded amazing results and by following this simple credo––Be an inferior version of someone better than you––I’ve become who I am today. Just think of me as a poor man’s Walt Disney. (For a print of this cartoon, go here.)









For you readers who are not as well versed in old movies as I am and have no idea what this cartoon is about, here’s a hint: it’s about a famous line from a Humphrey Bogart film called “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.” In it, Hump (as his friends called him) plays a gold prospector who, along with a couple of other guys, finds gold in the Sierra Madre mountains but then runs into a heap of trouble trying to transport the gold back to civilization to cash it in. On the way, they meet some banditos who claim to be Mexican police. Humphrey asks to see their badges and the leader says, with a thick Mexican bandito accent, “Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges. I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ badges.” Then things get shoot-em-up ugly.  Okay, that’s more than a hint, but now you know. (For a print of this cartoon, go here.)



PAZZ JICKLES: From the archival crypt at Rancho Bizarro comes another dilemma of crime and deception and it’s also in a pet store. Tune in next time to find out if the chihuahua eats the old lady.bz960712WEB

Camper Bite Godzilla God

bz panel 09-11-14bz strip 09-11-14bz panel 09-12-14bz strip 09-12-14bz panel 09-13-14bz strip 09-13-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Cartoons Inspiring Sculpture.

In creating this first cartoon, I was well aware of the fact that there are plenty of women (and men) out there who really dig this kind of guy. To those folks I’d like to say that the point of this was not to say that this guy is wrong for everyone, just wrong for the gal at the bar. I have a lot of friends who are political, environmental, and/or animal rights activists and some of them have the habit of plastering their vehicles with tons of stickers about their beliefs, as well. I’m not sure how many people actually change their belief system based on the bumper stickers they read while at a red light, but I’m guessing it’s a fairly small percentage. Still, somehow we all like to tell the world what we believe or cherish in one way or another. I, for instance, enjoy wearing a T-shirt that says, “ONE OF MY CHILDREN HAS NEVER BEEN ARRESTED.” (Purchase a print of this cartoon.)








This “Found Dog” cartoon is a favorite of mine, because the punch line is so hidden. I found it very difficult to convert into a strip version, however, and wonder how many readers missed the joke when seeing it in the tiny newspaper format. Life is like that sometimes. (Purchase a print of this cartoon.)







Regarding my Godzilla cartoon, I figured I would get a complaint or two from religious readers and I was not disappointed. This one appeared this morning on my Bizarro Facebook page:

Mr. Piraro, as a Christian, I take offense at your cartoon in today’s (paper), wherein you depict godzilla returning in a Christ-like manner.”  

This was my response: “I’m sorry you were offended, that wasn’t my intention. For me, it was just a simple pun between God and Godzilla. I’ve always felt that humor is an innate and invaluable part of the human mind and that if there is a supreme, omnipotent being, it is likely not easily offended by the meager attempts of humans to make each other smile.”

This is a common problem with jokes about religion and one that keeps most mainstream cartoonists from broaching the subject. I was raised in a devout Catholic family and attended Catholic school for many years, so I was raised to take spiritual matters very seriously. As an adult I’ve read a fair amount about world religions, theology, and philosophy and continue to study the subject of “higher powers” in all its forms. I’m no longer a believer in any established religions or gods, but still find the powerful attraction most humans have to belief in a higher power fascinating. For some time I was a fairly militant atheist, but now my views have softened a bit and I see the human experience as something endlessly complex and difficult, and have come to believe that whatever means people use to make their journey a little more tolerable is understandable. I draw the line, of course, when religious beliefs are used to prosecute or oppress others. Which, to be fair, is alarmingly often, so I still get ample chances to exercise my militant side.  (Purchase a print of this cartoon.)

PREBIZTORICALS: On the topic of religion, I bring you this cartoon from the archives. In the version that appeared in newspapers, the word “shit” was replaced with “poo.” It’s not as funny that way, somehow, so I reverted to my original caption for this post.  It has long been interesting to me how utterly ridiculous certain other religions seem (even when I was a devout believer) primitive ones especially, and the thought that immediately followed was that the religion I was raised in would seem just as ridiculous to someone convinced otherwise. Bz 04-17-06 GodBirdPooSMThis gag, for instance, won’t offend modern folks in any great number, but if the statue had been of Jesus, I would not have even been allowed to publish it. I think we often fool ourselves into believing that other religions have more superstition in them than ours, whatever it may be.



Puke Snooze Drink Puke

bz panel 09-01-14bz strip 09-01-14bz panel 09-02-14bz strip 09-02-14bz panel 09-03-14bz strip 09-03-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Abe and Friends.

Since I was a child I’ve been fascinated by the fact that some animals feed their young by eating something, then regurgitating it into their mouth. First, let me say how happy I am that humans are not among the species with this charming habit, and secondly, perhaps we should be. Some babies have difficulty digesting certain kinds of foods and perhaps a little pre-digestion would be a good thing. If anyone decides to try this with their own baby, let me know how it turns out, and remember that I am not a doctor nor even a particularly well-educated person so don’t blame me if your baby is irreparably damaged by this experiment.












As long as I’m helping raise other people’s kids, why not try turning your child’s life completely over to the Internet like this fine fellow? It’s going to happen eventually anyway.












This Lincoln gag is one of my favorites in a long time. I have my buddy, Cliff Harris The King Of Wordplay to thank for it. I wish I was this clever, but, alas, I guess I’m not.










BYGONE BIZARRO: Just so you don’t think I’m not clever at all, here’s one of my favorite gags from my archives that deals with the baby-food-puke issue. Bon Appétit! Bz BirdPuke 10-05-07 SM















Seuss Goth Magic Santa Alien

bz panel 07-07-14bz strip 07-07-14bz panel 07-08-14bz strip 07-08-14bz panel 07-09-14bz strip 07-09-14bz panel 07-10-14bz strip 07-10-14


Bizarro is brought to you today by Willing Victims.

I’ve always been one to think of “ordinary” things objectively, which is why I’m fairly good at coming up with cartoons. As a kid, I often wondered why cow’s milk was fine but horse or dog or pig milk was revolting. Eventually, I became repulsed by cow’s milk, as well, and as it turns out it’s a pretty unhealthy thing for humans to consume, contrary to everything you’ve heard all your life. That kind of thinking (and research) led me to adopt a vegan diet over 12 years ago, which has greatly improved my health and happiness. That kind of thinking also led to this cartoon about eating famous Seuss characters.









My buddy, Andy Cowan, and I offer this alternate way of looking at the expression, “your hair.” I thought some severe goth girls might be a good vehicle for this one. I just noticed that the girl on the left has a missing tattoo in the strip version. No idea how that happened.












The popular, fairly new crossbreed of labradors and poodles, the “labradoodle,” led to this mash-up.















To catch us up to date, here’s a gag about the existence of Santa. Poor guy.











BIZARRO BOOMERANG: Immigration problems have been in the news a bit lately so here is an offering from 1999 that shows that things never change all that much. In fact, I may do an alternate version of this one and run it again soon. Keep your eyes peeled, as painful as that might be.bz990501WEB

Side note: I love the drawing of these aliens, if I may be so immodest.




Beiber Dogs Dog

bz panel 05-05-14bz strip 05-05-14bz panel 05-06-14bz strip 05-06-14



Bizarro is brought to you today by Real Men Sleep in a Suit.


I’m not a big fan of Justin Bieber but that may be because I’m a cranky, old geezer. Or, it could be that  I need more substantive music. Or, it may be that I hate anyone who is rich, famous, and has a full head of hair. Or, it could just be that I am petty and resent him because he did what I could not––become a wealthy, teen-age sex symbol by the age of 15. Such is human nature.








I am, however, a big fan of dogs. Even gangster dogs. When poor little Banjo offered to sneak into the cat door and open the big door for the “cool” dogs, he had no idea he’d be in for a lifetime of servitude to Spike and his gang. WARNING TO YOUNGSTERS: be careful whom you assist in committing a crime. These things have a way of coming back on you like a hungry zombie.

This canine crime crew is a collaboration with the great and almighty Wayno of Pittsburgh.

He has this to say about that.





bz 10-29-99 LuckyDogCatWEB


DEJA VIEW: Here, from 1999, is a dog with a different issue. I sympathize with dogs who feel they are cats trapped in the body of a dog, as well as transgender folks, because I have long felt I am Ryan Gosling trapped in Dan Piraro’s body.

Invisible Gluten Table Monsters

bz panel 04-28-14bz strip 04-28-14bz panel 04-29-14bz strip 04-29-14bz panel 04-30-14-1bz strip 04-30-14bz panel 05-01-14bz strip 05-01-14Bizarro is brought to you today by A Kinder, Gentler Godzilla.


Apart from the amusing nature of a seemingly-floating cell phone, how many other cartoons give you the grandiose beauty of a scenic outlook in such realistic detail? Besides Dilbert, I mean.
















Are you gluten free? From what I’ve read, very few people actually have problems with gluten but the vast publicity it has gotten has caused an avalanche of psychosomatic symptoms. Never underestimate the power of suggestion on the human mind. Whatever works for you.










This shrink cartoon is not meant as an insult to transgender folks who actually experience this. It’s just a funny, fictional riff on a factual situation. To those of you who are suffering from this, I would encourage you to be proud of who you are and ignore those who object. Nobody is liked by everyone.













Today’s Godzilla cartoon comes from the fertile mind of my pal, Jim Horwitz, whom I call “JimmyHo.” He does a very different kind of comic called “Watson,” which was nominated this year by the National Cartoonists Society in the Best Short-Form Online Comic category. Congrats and good luck, JimmyHo! See his cartoons on Facebook and LIKE him!









BIZARROVERS: And to round things out, here’s another collaboration with JimmyHo from 2013. That boy’s got some funny ideas.Bizarro-08-04-13 HorwitzWEB

Moody Warning Congrats Burial

bz panel 03-27-14bz panel 03-28-14bz strip 03-28-14bz panel 03-29-14bz strip 03-29-14(To enlargenate any comic, click on any character’s nose.)


Bizarro is brought to you today by Learn to Count!

I got an angry comment from a reader about this Hulk cartoon, accusing me of “perpetuating stigma about mental illness.” I apologized for upsetting her but pointed out that the absurdity of this cartoon is enough to prevent people from taking it seriously enough to form opinions about sufferers of bipolar disorder. I’ve several friends and family members with this disorder and I’ve suffered from severe depression my entire adult life (controlled now by meds) so I fully understand both the seriousness and the stigma. If anyone else was offended, please don’t turn green and bust out of your clothes over it.





When this gag about dogs and cats came to me, I couldn’t believe there weren’t already commercially-available signs like this for cats, but after consulting the Google God, I came up empty handed. Here’s a chance for some of you entrepreneurial types.










I wrote this gag about pro wrestlers out of my continued amazement at how many fans this sport has who still believe it is a “real” sport. People can be so strange. I included the strip version so you could have a gander at The Periwinkle Badger, my personal favorite “wrestler”.









bz 09-06-96 psychic funeralWEB


BIZARRO BOOMERANG: This charming cartoon from 1996 is very dark, I admit. For the record, I’m not a big believer in psychic abilities but I don’t wish people dead who are. There is always some chance that the human brain is capable of more things than we can readily understand, but one thing that is absolutely certain is that there are many thousands of charlatans all over the planet who bilk believers out of money with simple psychological tricks.


Page 3 of 1012345...10...Last »