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Beiber Dogs Dog

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Real Men Sleep in a Suit.

 

I’m not a big fan of Justin Bieber but that may be because I’m a cranky, old geezer. Or, it could be that  I need more substantive music. Or, it may be that I hate anyone who is rich, famous, and has a full head of hair. Or, it could just be that I am petty and resent him because he did what I could not––become a wealthy, teen-age sex symbol by the age of 15. Such is human nature. (more…)

Invisible Gluten Table Monsters

bz panel 04-28-14bz strip 04-28-14bz panel 04-29-14bz strip 04-29-14bz panel 04-30-14-1bz strip 04-30-14bz panel 05-01-14bz strip 05-01-14Bizarro is brought to you today by A Kinder, Gentler Godzilla.

 

Apart from the amusing nature of a seemingly-floating cell phone, how many other cartoons give you the grandiose beauty of a scenic outlook in such realistic detail? Besides Dilbert, I mean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you gluten free? From what I’ve read, very few people actually have problems with gluten but the vast publicity it has gotten has caused an avalanche of psychosomatic symptoms. Never underestimate the power of suggestion on the human mind. Whatever works for you. (more…)

Moody Warning Congrats Burial

bz panel 03-27-14bz panel 03-28-14bz strip 03-28-14bz panel 03-29-14bz strip 03-29-14(To enlargenate any comic, click on any character’s nose.)

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Learn to Count!

I got an angry comment from a reader about this Hulk cartoon, accusing me of “perpetuating stigma about mental illness.” I apologized for upsetting her but pointed out that the absurdity of this cartoon is enough to prevent people from taking it seriously enough to form opinions about sufferers of bipolar disorder. I’ve several friends and family members with this disorder and I’ve suffered from severe depression my entire adult life (controlled now by meds) so I fully understand both the seriousness and the stigma. If anyone else was offended, please don’t turn green and bust out of your clothes over it. (more…)

Fear Fear Mob

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Required Reading.

 

In spite of the look of this cartoon, it actually has nothing to do with politics. I’m not making a comment about Republicans here, only using their logo because it is an elephant and peanuts would logically be afraid of elephants. Any botanist will tell you that peanuts are known for their logic. I stay away from politics much more these days than I used to because it’s such a disheartening subject. (more…)

Shrinks, Nuts, Crooks, Tramps, Cons

bz panel 02-10-14bz panel 02-11-14bz panel 02-12-14bz panel 02-13-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Strange Fetish.

 

As is often the case, my Monday and Tuesday were too busy with Bizarro deadlines for me to post, then I got arrested on Wednesday and was still unable to post, but now I’m out on bail so here at long last are Mon’s, Tues’s, Wed’s and Thurs’s cartoons from this week. (more…)

Snooze Knowledge

bz panel 09-16-13bz strip 09-16-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Dreams.

I had a dream once that I had spent over 75 years studying dreams and had become the world’s leading authority on the subject. All this by the age of 24. It was a dream, so don’t try to make sense of the math.

In the dream, the most important thing I had discovered is that everything that various people––from Freud to the Everly Brothers––is completely wrong. Here is a guide to what dreams actually mean. The thing at left is what you dreamed about, the thing at right is what it means. (more…)

Shrinkage

bz panel 07-08-13bz strip 07-08-13Bizarro is inflicted on you today by Magical Foods.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I love psychotherapy. I don’t love the expense so I can’t go every week; I simply visit one for a few weeks or months when I’m having a specific problem in my life. Like the time a few years ago when I couldn’t decide between growing a ridiculous mustache or getting giant breast implants. A shrink helped me make the right decision. (more…)

Mirror Viewers

bz panel 06-01-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Alternate Lifestyle Hygiene.

Have ever felt you were being watched? When I was a little kid, I had this ongoing fantasy for years that I was the only real human and I was created by an alien civilization that was watching me through mirrors. The entire earth and all of its other inhabitants were androids put here as an experiment to see how I would react. I never really believed it, but anytime I walked past a mirror, I would look into it and wink, not at myself, but at the aliens watching me. Just in case I was right, I wanted them to know I had figured it out. (more…)

Triple Shrinkage

bz panel 05-23-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Eating Too Quickly.

When drawing this cartoon, the biggest challenge I faced aside from drawing three adults on a small couch was giving the three men the right looks. In cartoons such as mine, I usually will go for a recognizable stereotype to increase the percentage of readers worldwide who will understand the gag. (more…)

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