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Thoughtful Companions

bz panel 05-06-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Super Powers.

I recently saw a short video of a so-called “pet pychic” visiting an animal sanctuary, and it inspired this cartoon. As Penn and Teller have been telling us for decades, there is no such thing as magic. The human mind is constructed in such a way that it can be made to believe almost anything with a little misdirection. Psychics of all kinds have played on this trait since human societies first formed, as have con men, magicians, evangelists, mediums, astrologers, wizards, etc. (more…)

Bug Therapy

Bizarro is brought to you today by Logical Possibilities.

I’m not a germaphobe per se, but I never touch my face when I’m out in public and wash my hands as soon as I get home. This is entirely because I don’t want to pick up a cold or flu or whatever. I’m happy to report that I get sick less than just about anyone I know. I haven’t had more than one cold or stomach disorder every couple of years, for a decade or so. And none of the illnesses I get last more than a day, most only 12 hours or so. (more…)

Founding Boomerang Jumper Dog Stick Wig

Bizarro is brought to you by The Glories of Technology.

Today in my weekly roundup of Bizarro cartoons we begin with one that ran on President’s Day (in the U.S.).  People are fond of claiming that nothing gets done in Washington but the truth is likely closer to “too much” gets done in Washington. I’m not one of those people who believes that everything would be fine if the government did nothing other than raise an army, but I do think it would be nice if the Patriot Act was scrapped. And also the ludicrous TSA ban on liquids. (more…)

Sproing Talk Acknowledgement Shred Pee Flake Underpants

(To enlarge this tragic moment in time, click the unfortunate diver’s butt.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hall and Oates.

I’ve done plenty of crash test dummy gags over the years and I’ll likely continue because it’s just so much fun. They’re such great spokesmen for the foibles of the human race. (Legal Disclaimer: I should say now that these are professionally trained stunt dummies and that you should not try this yourself, but I won’t. If you’re stupid enough to knowingly jump into an empty swimming pool, it would be better if you didn’t live long enough to reproduce.) (more…)

Bitter Pachyderm Philtrum Swashbuckling Drinker Teen Whale

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Time Magazine.

“If you’re only reading the cartoons on BizarroBlog, you’re missing most of Piraro’s genius.”––Time Magazine

Okay, that never appeared in Time Magazine. But from some of the comments that readers make, I know that plenty of people are only scanning the cartoons briefly and skipping all of this delicious text that I pour so much of my heart and soul into. So I thought maybe a phony quote would encourage them to read on. Am I a bad man? Yes, but it has nothing to do with that phony quote. (more…)

Traitor Crowded Dragster

Bizarro is brought to you today by Cannibals.

This cartoon is an offshoot of a feeling I’ve had since I was a child, some 30 years before I became vegan. Why would an animal want to advertise its own murder and consumption? Long before I thought it was wrong to eat animals, when I was still under 10 years old, I wondered why a happy pig would be on a sign for a BBQ restaurant. It just seemed wrong somehow. So here is a cartoon that took 40 years gestate. (more…)

Surviving Magic Alien Harry

(To see the above celebrities in all their TMZ glory, click on Snooki’s butt.)

Bizarro is brought to you by Freak Shows.

I admit I’ve never seen any of the “Survivor” TV shows. I’m not a big fan of that sort of reality game-show stuff, but I get the gist. It was therefore simple (and a LOT of fun) to imagine one in which my favorite celebrities to despise are left on an island to fight it out amongst them selves and never be heard from again. Simon Cowell is one I missed. Can’t stand that guy. I didn’t want to mess with caricatures, but if you click on the image and blow it up, you should be able to spot Paris, Bruce Jenner, Kim Kardashian, Richard Simmons, Donald Trump, and Snooki. The others are just cast members of Jersey Shore or lesser Kardashians. (more…)

Pet Parking Eunuch Humping Loaf

Bizarro is brought to you today by Parenting.

I took some time off to travel but am happy to be back in my captain’s chair here at Bizarro International Headquarters.

Accordingly, here are a passel of cartoons to catch you up to date. First up is a cartoon that proved popular among readers. Personally, I never use my first pet’s name as a security question because, although I loved the dog, I never liked her name: “Penny.” I don’t have anything against the name per se, but my older sister picked it and so it seemed feminine to me. I was rooting for “Spike” or “Killer.” She looked not unlike the dog in this cartoon, except that her spots were brown. Like you care. (more…)

Corpse Lineup Crackpot Signage

Bizarro is brought to you today by a Terrible Mime.

Good day, Jazz Pickles. There have been countless cartoons done about mimes but I’m very proud of this one because it seems to me to be a new angle and we cartoonists love coming up with a new angle on a common cartoon cliche.  It also has the added benefit of being one of those cartoons that you don’t get immediately until you look closely. I love that kind of humor and my Jazz Pickles tell me they do, too. (more…)

Knock Wrap

Bizarro is brought to you today by Simple Concepts.

I don’t normally post as often as I have in recent days but this cartoon about the delivery man has more than a few readers puzzled, so I thought I’d explain it here and just direct all questioners to this blog.

There is no secret meaning to this, it’s just that a tiny person lives in a tiny home and the doorbell is too loud for their tiny ears. A bit esoteric, yes, but that’s what my Jazz Pickles like. (more…)

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