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Shark Eggs Topless

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Breakthrough in Hair Replacement Technology.

 

Yes, that’s a shark vacuuming the carpet in the middle of the night because sharks are the species that everyone thinks of as having to keep moving to stay alive. Something about forcing water through their gills or dodging bill collectors, I can’t remember which. (more…)

Snoopy Clog Rock Apple

Bizarro 05-18-14 hedrBizarro 05-18-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Unreasonable Request.

There’s been quite a lot about the NSA in the news lately and, even though I have given up the idea that a government or the law can be “fair,” the fact that our own government is spying on us is deplorable. Many great minds have said something like: You have to choose freedom or safety, you can’t have both.  Personally, I’d rather be more free and less safe, but that’s just me. (more…)

Vengeance Isolation Evil

bz panel 05-09-14bz strip 05-09-14bz panel 05-10-14bz strip 05-10-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Just Do It.

As I knew I would, I got more than a few questions about the meaning of this cartoon. Many seem to have assumed that the man to the left of the king is Christopher Columbus. He is not, he’s just a member of the court dressed the way those guys used to dress. (more…)

“Funny”

bizarro 04-20-14 hedrBizarro 04-20-14 WEB(Click any eyeball to see the cartoon grow to the size of a larger cartoon!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Jazz Age Pickles.

I’ve drawn today’s cartoon in the style of the old romance comic books, which is not my usual fare, as you regular Jazz Pickles know. I don’t always do cartoons with a social message like this one, but it isn’t all that unusual for me, either. (more…)

Eggs Duo Sticks Eggs

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Bizarro is brought to you by No Thanks, I’ve Already Got One.

 

My good buddy and known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh, wrote this gag for me because I have restless leg syndrome. My eggs are fine, though. Any way you look at it, this is a good yolk. (As in “joke”. Get it? ahahahahahah) (more…)

Ape Creep Athlete Finger

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Bizarro is brought to you today by How Hair Grows.

I’ve been watching the new Cosmos series on Fox television recently and it’s really wonderful. I highly recommend it to anyone of any age with a working brain. They discuss evolution quite a bit, of course, since it is the way the entire universe more-or-less works, so this gag appealed to me. (more…)

Digital Crooks

Bizarro 03-02-14 HdrWEBBizarro is brought to you today by TV Listing For The Ages.

I wrote this cartoon one day after hearing for the umpteenth time that yet another web site was featuring a cartoon of mine with the signature, copyright, and URL info removed. Bizarro 03-02-14 WEB Sometimes people even change my wording to suit their needs. One site seems to be routinely taking my cartoons, removing the legal info from it, then replacing my dialogue with the same words, but in Helvetica font. Huh? (more…)

Three to Five Smiles

bz panel 01-20-14 bz panel 01-21-14 bz panel 01-22-14Bizarro is brought to you today by The Power of Three.

Since it is Wednesday and I have not yet posted any cartoons this week, you get three. Hooray, wunderbar, groovy.

 

 

1. If your cholesterol and weight are high your doctor may say he’d like to “get your numbers down.” But this patient is an ancient Roman so he uses the word “numerals” instead. That is supposed to be the joke. What happens next is the doctor is cleaved in half by a sword and his head is displayed on a pike in the town square. I didn’t include that in the gag because it’s gross. (more…)

Dog Bless

bz panel 01-16-14bz panel 01-17-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Do NOT Click on This Picture of a Half-Naked Woman.

Have you ever been crawling in the desert, wishing you had something to drink? Neither have I nor has anyone I’ve ever known or been related to, but apparently it happens a lot because there are tons of cartoons about it. We cartooner types love to find a new angle on the classic cartoon motifs so here’s one about that guy who crawls in the desert.  It reminds me a bit of a joke my dad told me when I was a kid. It was something about a guy going into a bar and seeing a bowl of peanuts with a sign that said “Peanuts, $1,000,000 each.” The guy tells the bartender those peanuts are never going to sell at that price and he replies, “I only need to sell one.” This is where I would laugh. (more…)

Holy Hate Mail

bz panel 12-26-13bz strip 12-26-13bz panel 12-27-13bz strip 12-27-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Sanforized Swinging.

I trust you all had a lovely holiday this week, except for those of you who disobeyed my command and had a lousy one. You should’ve listened to me.

As expected, I got a couple of complaints about my religious cartoon on Xmas Day. I post them here for your analysis. (more…)

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