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Born Adults

Bizarro 05-22-16 HdrWEB

(A simple click of any illustration here will delightfully embiggenate it.)
Bizarro 05-22-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Enduring Myths.

Today’s Sunday cartoon is a soft joke but one that made me smile. The mythical notion of humans just popping up in life as full-grown, modern adults and trying to negotiate the world around them is always amusing to me, but this is a wrinkle I’ve never thought of before. The utterly casual callousness of Adam and Eve as the quintessential “new parents” is devilishly delightful: “Sorry kid. We have no idea what we’re doing, and how could we?” I felt that way with my first daughter, who was born a full decade before I had any business being a parent.
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Push

bz panel 10-03-13bz strip 10-03-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Early Helmet.

If you enjoy watching people squirt things from their bodies, this sport is for you. My good friend and colleague, Dan McConnell, conceived of this cartoon during a visit to the alternate-world of hallucinations in which he spends most of his time these days. (A word to the wise, discount LSD is not always a good thing. You get what you pay for.) In McC’s exciting, inner world, men give birth instead of women and they’ve made a sport of it. Of course they did. That’s what we men do, even in McC’s catawampus world. For more about McC, check out his Front-of-your-head-book page. (more…)

Out

bz panel 06-29-13bz strip 06-29-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Inside the Game.

I used to play baseball in school and enjoyed it but I’m not a big fan of watching it live or on TV. I know thousands of you are baseball fans and I’m not trying to offend you, but for me, watching baseball is like watching people play Monopoly. There just isn’t enough action to keep my attention.  A couple of sports writers  independently clocked the amount of time that the ball is actually in play in the average game and it came to 8 to 12 minutes. Most games today last around three hours. That just isn’t enough to warrant the investment of my time. I suspect that some people are baseball fans precisely because it is so slow. Doing nothing for a few hours can be very therapeutic––no sarcasm intended. (more…)

Egyptian Super Balls

Bizarro is brought to you by Spelling Bees.

I like cartoons about hieroglyphics and have done them before. Here’s one of my faves. This one came from my buddy, Cliff, who is a master of word play. He has a unique way of thinking about language that always really tickles me.

 

 

 

 

In our next panel we see a man getting ready for a massage with a jackhammer. Oh my, that could kill him. But wait, no it can’t, because he’s Superman. Whew! (more…)

Boxer Shorts Latin Gay Bug Beaver

Bizarro is brought to you today by Happy Ass.

 

This week I’ve got a few gags with which I am pleased with the art. I like the gesture of the body of this boxer, as he sits swollen and defeated. Most cartoonists don’t bother with these kinds of details but I really enjoy them and hope you do, too. (more…)

Death Midget Carrion Comedy

(To view this cartoon larger, click the coxswain’s head.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Four Horsemen of the Legopalypse.

People on championship rowing teams are in great shape. Maybe even better shape than I am from sitting at my computer all day. But it stands to reason that after they retire, most of them get as fat and lazy as any other top notch athlete. Unlike many sports that have Hall of Fame Games, rowing isn’t something that old fat guys can do without a lot of effort. Luckily in this case, the coxswain is still slender enough to fit into the tiny seat at the back. (It’s not often you get use “coxswain” in a sentence. That was fun.) (more…)

Pollo Love

(If you find yourself among the dozens of people who want to see this cartoon larger, just click the chicken wearing lucky #7!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Unfortunate Backgrounds.

Good day, Jazz Pickles. If you watched the Summer Olympics this year, you’ll likely recognize this sport. I’m a sports fan, but, man, I found water polo impossible to watch. I never had any idea who anyone was, what they were doing, or if they were going to/or just did score. I found it so dull they may as well have been shopping for socks. Like most sports, it’s probably fun to watch if you actually play it. At this writing, I have not, and since I have a fairly low tolerance for wrestling with nearly-naked men in the water, I don’t see that changing anytime soon. You gotta love the hats, though. (more…)

Goose Bunny Hat

Bizarro is brought to you today by Unfortunate Sunburns.

Taking a step away from our lively discussion of the safety of GMO crops, let’s talk about cartoons.

To my great surprise, many people wrote to me to find out the meaning of this cartoon about geese. Others wrote to correct me about the name “Candian” Geese instead of “Canada” Geese. (more…)

Fur Balls and Beaks

Bizarro is brought to you today by Shameful Moments in American History.

I used to play a lot of tennis so this idea was fun for me. I haven’t played in about ten years now, not because I got too old but because that was when I moved to NYC and I didn’t know anyone there who played. Now I’m in LA and still don’t know anyone who plays tennis but I’m also too busy to fit it into my schedule. Why am I telling you all this? I have no idea. Because this cartoon is about tennis and it reminded me that I used to like to play, I guess. Is this a boring post? I have also had several cats in my day. (more…)

Apple Beak Candy Ball Belly

Bizarro is brought to you today by Big Fun.

Today’s cartoon mystified a few readers, but not many, I suspect. This one is a simple twist on a famous painting by Belgian surrealist, Rene Magritte. If you’ve seen it, you get the gag. If not, you probably don’t.

I think this gag is brilliant and I SO wish I could say I wrote it. Instead, it was written by a friend and colleague of mine, a very talented cartoonist in his own right, Dan McConnell. (more…)

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