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Molar Bagpipe Midgets

Bizarro is brought to you today by My New Book.

This joke will make no sense to someone who has never seen that anthropomorphized tooth character that dentists use to get kids to take care of their teeth. I always found them kind of scary because my vivid imagination couldn’t just leave them on the page. I always imagined meeting such a creature face to face. In my mind he was about five feet tall and four feet wide. That childhood fear was the inspiration for this Bizarro cartoon from a few weeks back. (more…)

Sales Pregnant Pigeon Egg

Bizarro is brought to you today by Humpty Piraro.

I must admit that I don’t know diddly squat, but I do know how to draw a couple of goobers who might be named Diddly and Squat. How cool would it be to be named “Bob Squat”? Maybe not cool, but hilarious.

I have an abnormal affinity for funny names, both real and imagined. When I was a teenager in the 1970s, I knew a guy whose last name was Creitz. (Rhymes with “frights”.) He always said that if he had a son, he would name him Jesus. I still laugh about that. One of my favorite funny names is a character on 30 Rock called Dr. Spaceman. What’s funny about it is that it is pronounced, spa-CHAY-man. It’s one of my favorite phony comedy names ever. (more…)

Doctor Online Alien Soup

Bizarro is brought to you today by Foot Fetish.

I’ve been busier than a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs this week, so I’m late on posting these. I hope I haven’t lost either of my readers.

Cartoon #1 is a visual joke, nothing more. Take it however you like. The patient is fashioned after my good friend, Tiny Tony T. Smith, who recorded my someday-to-be-released album recently. Eventually, I’m going to sell a CD of four or five of my original songs. They’re all serious songs, not meant to be comedy, but the lyrics are clever (or so I’ve heard) and people often get a chuckle or two from them. Would any of you be interested in buying said album and if so, how much should it cost? Maybe I can figure a way to download them for 99 cents a piece like they do on iTunes instead of creating 3-D discs. I don’t know anything about that stuff. (more…)

Clown Assault Capabilities

Feel free to look at a larger version of this cartoon by clicking the clown’s welder’s mask.

Bizarro is brought to you today by Weapons of the 1950s.

Today’s offering is another collaboration with my “known associate”, Wayno. He likes cartoons about clowns and often uses this seltzer-bottles-and-pies-as-clown-weapons motif. I added some extra humor to the drawing wherever I could and had a lot of fun doing so. Although I dislike clowns in person, especially when they are not confined to a stage and can enter my personal space, I love clown gags and drawing clowns in general. They’re much more fun to draw than to watch, in my opinion. (more…)

Pro Tree Field

Bizarro is brought to you today by ghosts.

Thanks to all you readers who left comments about the 9/11 comics project. I’m encouraged to hear that I was not the only one disenchanted by the commercialized sentimentality of last week. It’s been ten years, let’s move on. One nice way to start would be by putting Bush and Cheney in jail where they belong*, but let’s not get overly optimistic. (more…)

Pies, Clowns, Smut

Bizarro is brought to you today by Patriotic Wedding Wear.

Here’s another gag from my known accomplice,Wayno. I admit I did very little to change this one, as you’ll find out from his blog entry about it. I did add the orange sign in the background.

I know from experience that there are a dozen-or-so of you who read the copy in these posts and leave comments. But I’m beginning to believe that the overwhelming majority of people just read the cartoons and move on. I don’t blame them, I don’t read long blogs, either. But it’s time consuming to produce these posts and I’m wondering if there is any point to it when I could be using that time to chase rainbows and unicorns through fields of wildflowers or Tweet things I saw on my way to the store. Maybe I should just post the cartoon and a short sentence about it and leave it at that. Let me know your thoughts. Especially those of you who have not read this far. (more…)

Ears, Apes, Magic, Poker

Bizarro is brought to you today by When Do They Drive?

Anyone with a roommate – be they married, shacking up, related, or just sharing the rent – will want a pair of removable ears. They are still in the developmental stage, but I hope to have them on the market by late next year. The perfect gift for anyone of any age. We all have someone who’s voice grates like a chainsaw through sheet metal. (more…)

Prescription Giraffe Souls

(For a larger view of this cartoon, click the cop’s handcuffs.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Creation.

If you like cartoons I have good news: here are three of them. If you don’t like cartoons, I have equally good news: there are literally dozens of other web sites that do not feature them. The choice is yours, my friend. (more…)

See-Um-Syrup Wedding

Bizarro is brought to you today by Todd the Dinosaur.

An important film in 1967 was The Graduate. If you did not know this, find out about it; there’s a hole in your education. After you’ve found out about it, find out about Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup, then read this cartoon. When all of that prerequisite knowledge is in place, I believe you will find that this cartoon will change the shape of your mouth in a positive way. (Another thing that might have the same effect is the fact that someone did this to their child. (more…)

OMG. Like, Awesome.

Bizarro is brought to you today by Signs of the Times.

It occurs to me that today’s texting shorthand is the same thing as cave paintings. For the most part, cave paintings fall into three categories: here’s what I saw, here’s what I believe, here’s what I hope for.  I don’t think we’ve changed all that much in what we feel the need to communicate. (more…)

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