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Lemming Fleas Krazy Kamp

Bizarro is brought to you today by Life’s Little Journeys.

As I have mentioned in a previous post or two, I am currently living like a gypsy in Los Angeles. I moved here last weekend from my previous (and much cooler-sounding) headquarters in Brooklyn, NY, and am looking for a place to live. In the meantime, I am living in an old carnival wagon at the edge of town, dressed in a flowing scarf dress and shawl. I’m giving the occasional Tarot card reading to make extra cash. (more…)

Clown Cat Homework Murder

Bizarro is brought to you today by Cross-Country Move.

I’ve not been blogging the past few days because I was moving to LA. I’m here now, without my stuff, it’s all on a van somewhere between the East and West Coast. Unless the guys who picked it up were frauds and are flying to Rio with my clothes and furniture. If that is the case, I hope they’ll be happy together. (more…)

Cowboy Hip Hop

Bizarro is brought to you today by Today.

 

Damn, my life sucks right now. But that’s not your problem. Instead, let’s talk about this cartoon.

There are two cowboys and they look like they’re in the Old West, but wait. They’re talking about a modern keyboard function. That’s the funny part. Hahaha.

 

What’s the deal with this next cartoon? Well, it’s an idea from my “known associate,” Wayno. If you are young and uneducated about the history of department stores, Penney’s used to be called J.C.Penney. if you are old and uneducated about the history of hip hop, Jay Z is a performer in that genre. Ah, now the joke comes to life. Hahaha. (more…)

Anal Painting

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Costume That Wouldn’t Come Off.

I thought I might get an editor or two who did not want to publish this cartoon because of the phrase, “anal probe.” But no one blinked and it made it into all my client papers. I did, however, get a brief note from a reader who said it was “very inappropriate for a family newspaper.” (more…)

Best Hair in the Bar

(To see any of these images larger, just click them silly!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Scary Halloween Costume!

For years I’ve been publishing a “Scariest Halloween Costumes of (year)” cartoons on the Sunday closest to Halloween. This year I felt that motif had run its course and I couldn’t come up with anything that wouldn’t offend half of my readership (i.e., something that disparages Michele Bachmann). But my known associate, Wayno, submitted this idea about the bride of Frankenstein’s monster, so I went for it.  What does Wayno have to say about this? The answer. (more…)

Famous Alien Roofs

Bizarro is brought to you today by Spot The Joke.

I’m not a pop-culture scientist (and have never even played one on TV) but it seems to me that we now experience far more “celebrities” who cannot actually do anything special than we ever have before. I blame reality TV shows. If you can somehow con your way onto one of these god-forsaken shows, you can become a rich and famous “celebrity” by just being the jackass you’ve been all your life. The most distressing part of this equation is that millions of people will actually worship you. Kim Kardashian’s most unique gift is her inherited fortune and comically huge clown ass. Snooki’s is her utter lack of dignity or shame. These are now considered talents. It makes me shudder. Then vomit. Then hold a gun to my head. (The only reason I’m still able to write this post is that my unfamiliarity with guns led me to buy batteries instead of bullets.) (more…)

Molar Bagpipe Midgets

Bizarro is brought to you today by My New Book.

This joke will make no sense to someone who has never seen that anthropomorphized tooth character that dentists use to get kids to take care of their teeth. I always found them kind of scary because my vivid imagination couldn’t just leave them on the page. I always imagined meeting such a creature face to face. In my mind he was about five feet tall and four feet wide. That childhood fear was the inspiration for this Bizarro cartoon from a few weeks back. (more…)

Sales Pregnant Pigeon Egg

Bizarro is brought to you today by Humpty Piraro.

I must admit that I don’t know diddly squat, but I do know how to draw a couple of goobers who might be named Diddly and Squat. How cool would it be to be named “Bob Squat”? Maybe not cool, but hilarious.

I have an abnormal affinity for funny names, both real and imagined. When I was a teenager in the 1970s, I knew a guy whose last name was Creitz. (Rhymes with “frights”.) He always said that if he had a son, he would name him Jesus. I still laugh about that. One of my favorite funny names is a character on 30 Rock called Dr. Spaceman. What’s funny about it is that it is pronounced, spa-CHAY-man. It’s one of my favorite phony comedy names ever. (more…)

Doctor Online Alien Soup

Bizarro is brought to you today by Foot Fetish.

I’ve been busier than a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs this week, so I’m late on posting these. I hope I haven’t lost either of my readers.

Cartoon #1 is a visual joke, nothing more. Take it however you like. The patient is fashioned after my good friend, Tiny Tony T. Smith, who recorded my someday-to-be-released album recently. Eventually, I’m going to sell a CD of four or five of my original songs. They’re all serious songs, not meant to be comedy, but the lyrics are clever (or so I’ve heard) and people often get a chuckle or two from them. Would any of you be interested in buying said album and if so, how much should it cost? Maybe I can figure a way to download them for 99 cents a piece like they do on iTunes instead of creating 3-D discs. I don’t know anything about that stuff. (more…)

Clown Assault Capabilities

Feel free to look at a larger version of this cartoon by clicking the clown’s welder’s mask.

Bizarro is brought to you today by Weapons of the 1950s.

Today’s offering is another collaboration with my “known associate”, Wayno. He likes cartoons about clowns and often uses this seltzer-bottles-and-pies-as-clown-weapons motif. I added some extra humor to the drawing wherever I could and had a lot of fun doing so. Although I dislike clowns in person, especially when they are not confined to a stage and can enter my personal space, I love clown gags and drawing clowns in general. They’re much more fun to draw than to watch, in my opinion. (more…)

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