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Smiley Fez Icing Smut

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As I’ve mentioned here before, I design and draw my cartoons to fit into the vertical “panel” format, then reposition that art and add to it as necessary for the horizontal “strip” version. So I think most of my gags work better as panels, but in this case, the strip works better because we get a better sense of the speeding taxi. In both frames, however, the hapless texter gets flattened. (more…)

Ape Creep Athlete Finger

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Bizarro is brought to you today by How Hair Grows.

I’ve been watching the new Cosmos series on Fox television recently and it’s really wonderful. I highly recommend it to anyone of any age with a working brain. They discuss evolution quite a bit, of course, since it is the way the entire universe more-or-less works, so this gag appealed to me. (more…)

Bubble Curtain Bear Drugs

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Monday’s cartoon is the brain fruit of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I’ve seen these e-cigarettes around but I don’t really know how they work. For a while, you could smoke them indoors since, I presume, they pose no second-hand smoke risk or smell, but now they are beginning to ban them indoors like real cigarettes, I suppose because people have been brainwashed in the U.S. for so many decades to believe that smoking, or even pretending to, is the most dangerous thing any person can do short of cleaning a gun with the barrel in your mouth. (more…)

Waiting to Exhale on Godot

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Truth in Advertising.

 

 

I’ve heard from lots of people that they particularly like this Godot gag. I think it’s because those of us who get it know we are in a minority so it makes us feel smart. This clever gag comes from my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh, who’s never short on brains. Like Beckett, he’s a dour sort of guy who struggles with existence every day of his life. If I didn’t employ him to color my weekday gags, he’d likely be living in a cardboard box under a bridge. With the money I pay him, however, he’s able to afford to live in a tool shed at a golf course. Not bad for an artist! (more…)

Clean Fun

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I really love this gag and wish I’d written it. It actually came from my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. He can be a very clever man when properly medicated. It’s been in my cartoon bullpen warming up for months but I saved it until Chinese New Year, in case any of my readers have any idea when that is. (I had to look it up.) (more…)

Four Funnies

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Denim Abuse.

How would you like to enjoy a little light comedy with me? Okay, follow me.

 

Our first entry is from Dan Piraro of Los Angeles, in collaboration with successful TV comedy writer, Andy Cowan (Seinfeld, Cheers, Third Rock from the Sun, etc.)  Dan’s and Andy’s funny idea was if the murderous character from Alfred Hitchcock’s iconic “Psycho” were applying for a job to run the Bates Motel. Watch out for that shower, mister! (more…)

Three to Five Smiles

bz panel 01-20-14 bz panel 01-21-14 bz panel 01-22-14Bizarro is brought to you today by The Power of Three.

Since it is Wednesday and I have not yet posted any cartoons this week, you get three. Hooray, wunderbar, groovy.

 

 

1. If your cholesterol and weight are high your doctor may say he’d like to “get your numbers down.” But this patient is an ancient Roman so he uses the word “numerals” instead. That is supposed to be the joke. What happens next is the doctor is cleaved in half by a sword and his head is displayed on a pike in the town square. I didn’t include that in the gag because it’s gross. (more…)

Dog Bless

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Have you ever been crawling in the desert, wishing you had something to drink? Neither have I nor has anyone I’ve ever known or been related to, but apparently it happens a lot because there are tons of cartoons about it. We cartooner types love to find a new angle on the classic cartoon motifs so here’s one about that guy who crawls in the desert.  It reminds me a bit of a joke my dad told me when I was a kid. It was something about a guy going into a bar and seeing a bowl of peanuts with a sign that said “Peanuts, $1,000,000 each.” The guy tells the bartender those peanuts are never going to sell at that price and he replies, “I only need to sell one.” This is where I would laugh. (more…)

Red-nosed Reefer

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Oh, my, it’s Christmas Eve! Here at Rancho Bizarro (where I live, as opposed to Bizarro International Headquarters, where I and my team of mutant camels create Bizarro products) we don’t put up a tree, but rather a green folding chair with all of the delightful holiday cards we’ve received this season taped to it. So far, there are three, but the mail hasn’t arrived yet today. Thanks to my parents, Kate and Michael, and John and Anne, who sent cards. Your unnecessary depletion of our planet’s precious, life-sustaining forests is much appreciated! (more…)

Various Approaches

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My old buddy, Dan McConnell has been thinking about fish again and in so doing, came up with this gag idea for me. One can’t help feeling sorry for the poor, struggling fish who has been flushed out of the tank, until one realizes it is not a real fish at all, but a drawing made to look like a fish. This is just part of the magic of cartooning.bz panel 12-17-13bz strip 12-17-13 (more…)

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