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Flathead Funnies

bz panel 10-28-13bz strip 10-28-13bz panel 10-29-13bz strip 10-29-13Bizarro is brought to yourself today by Albert Frank Einstein.

Since I’m behind on the blog this week, this is another omnibus posting. Sorry about that, JPs.

It’s Halloween week here in Southern California so I’m using gags about scary monsters that I’ve been saving all year. My buddy, Dan McConnell thinks up a lot of monster gags so he may be disproportionately represented this week. Oh! Here’s one now; Frankenstein shoe shopping. McC may have gotten this idea from a gay Halloween parade, which are the best kinds of Halloween parades there are, in my heterosexual opinion. (more…)

Melodic Pig Sheep

bz panel 10-21-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Prophetic Graffiti.

Hello, my friends, it is good to be back. I’m away from Bizarro International Headquarters this week, thus my irregular and tardy blogging behavior. I will endeavor to get caught up and keep this steamship going as best I can but I’ve no idea how successful I’ll be. Here are a few to get us up to date. Some of the strip versions are not different enough to warrant posting, in case you’re wondering where they are. (more…)

Don’t Ask, Don’t Smell

bz panel 10-18-13bz strip 10-18-13Bizarro is branged to you today by Purse Snatcher.

Here’s a fun little doggy thing that my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh and I collaborated on. The basic idea is his but I changed the text a bit and added a dandy-looking (if I may say so myself) police dog to the mix. There is a person in my neighborhood who walks an ENORMOUS German Shepherd about the same time I walk my precious Jemima, and man, I can only imagine the fear that would strike your heart if this guy were on the end of a cop’s leash and was snarling at me. He’s the biggest German Shepherd I’ve ever seen and I’m thankful he’s docile. So is Jemima, who has a crush on him I think, even though he is no longer anatomically prepared for romance. (more…)

Damned If You Do

bz panel 10-12-13bz strip 10-12-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Road Less Traveled.

When I was a teenager, I attended a fundamentalist Bible church for a few years, during which time I fully believed in The Devil, the Antichrist, the mark of the beast–666, the Book of Revelations, the Second Coming, the rapture, and the whole end-of-the-world shebang. In my defense, I was a kid and this kind of delusional thinking was common in places like Tulsa, Oklahoma, where evangelists abound. It is amazing how much influence the people around you can have. When I think of it now, I shudder at my gullibility. But it does make a pretty dandy cartoon all these years later, courtesy of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. You can see his original sketch and read his clever commentary here. If you believe in The Devil and the Second Coming, that’s fine, I hope we can still be friends. Whatever keeps your wig in place, I always say. (more…)

Awaken the Spirit

bz panel 10-04-13bz strip 10-04-13Bizarro is brought to you today by And Whose Would Want To?

I like to keep an open mind and learn as much about life as possible, not for some end gain, but because it amuses my mind and I’ve found that keeping my mind occupied is one of the main tenets of a happy existence. I’ve long been interested in religion and the human compulsion for belief in a higher power and a grand scheme to life. Accordingly, on my continuing mission to learn new things about this topic, I’m going to go see “The Book of Mormon,” a musical by South Park creators, Matt Stone and Trey Parker. I don’t know nearly as much about Mormonism as I’d like and I’m hoping this experience clears some things up for me. (more…)

Noah Logic

bz panel 09-30-13bz strip 09-30-13Bizarro is brought to you today by the Consequences of Tardiness

I’ve already gotten a few questions about this cartoon so I’ll ‘splain it. Clowns are famous for emerging in large numbers out of very tiny cars. So a clown Noah…

If you still don’t get it, blame my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh, with whom I collaborated on this cartoon. Among the many wonderful things that Wayno and I share is a repulsion for actual clowns and an affinity for clown cartoons. He does his own ‘splainin’ about this here cartoon here.   Of the points he makes therein, my favorite is that an ark this size is just as likely to carry two of every species on earth as one of the size prescribed in the Bible. I smiled broadly. (more…)

Dozing Dummy

bz panel 08-22-13bz strip 08-22-13Bizarro is brought to you today by the Dangers of Reproduction.

Today’s gag is a collaboration with my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. Both Wayno and I have long been big fans of ventriloquist gags; there’s just something too delicious about having one’s hand up the backside of a look-alike puppet to ignore. (more…)

Phish Philosophy

bz panel 08-15-13bz strip 08-15-13Bizarro is brought to you by Fossils.

If you don’t get this gag, it is doubtless because you’ve never heard of Swedish Fish, an ancient and pretty famous candy. Wisely, though they look like little red fish, the manufacturer decided to make them taste like something else. Nobody knows exactly what, though. As my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh (whose idea this gag was) says on his blog today, they taste “red.” He has more to say about this collaboration here. (more…)

Getting Under Your Skin

bz panel 08-02-13bz strip 08-02-03Bizarro is brought to you today by Tattoo Editors.

A lot of amusement can be found by going to the Google, typing in “misspelled tattoos,” then hitting the “image” link below the search window. Here are three of my recent favorites: 123.

My known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh, thought up this tribute to the ill-conceived tattoo. His blog post about this collaborations features his original sketch and a link to his own regrettable tattoo. Amuse yourself with it here, then come back for more fun. (more…)

Scissor n Roll

bz panel 07-13-13bz strip 07-13-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Musical Inspiration.

One of my biggest pet peeves is being able to hear music that I did not choose. Be it a boombox, a backyard party, the upstairs neighbor’s stereo, you name it, it bugs the crap out of me. Even if it’s music that I like. There’s just something about being forced to hear music when I didn’t choose to that miffs me. I’m just a cranky SOB that way, I guess. Thus, I can think of few things worse than living next door to a teenage garage band. (more…)

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