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bz panel 12-31-14bz strip 12-31-14bz panel 12-29-14 bz strip 12-29-14bz panel 12-30-14bz strip 12-30-14Bizarro is brought to you today by My Choice for Album of the Year.

My least favorite night of the year to leave my hut is New Year’s Eve. One might reasonably think this is a sign that I am getting old but I’ve been this way since my twenties. New Year’s Eve is an arbitrary moment in time that has no meaning for me, it’s also noisier, more expensive, and more crowded than most any other night of the year. There are also a lot of drunks on the roads and sober people have enough trouble controlling their cars. Thus, I can find nothing to recommend it.  On the plus side, however, this New Year’s Eve cartoon is kinda funny.

Then there’s this vision of what it might be like if doctor’s offices adopted the practices of airlines. They both overbook, so why not?

And now, here’s a bit of appetizing zombie fun.

 

BIZARRO OF THE LIVING DEAD: Since we’re on the subjects of zombies and the new year, here’s a cartoon about that topic from Jan 2, 2011. It reflects my feelings about the efficacy of online activism in general.bizarro 01-02-11 ZombieWEB (Click it to see it embiggened.)

 

Prank Blog Breakup Cauliflower

Bizarro 12-28-14 hdr Bizarro 12-28-14 WEB(For a larger view, click any dang image in this post.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Santa Gives Birth.

I hope you all had a happy holiday thing, whatever that might mean for you. As for me, I couldn’t be happier that it’s over. In spite of my affinity for the occasional stage performance, I’m actually an introvert and so the rapid succession of parties and family get-togethers really takes a toll on me. I’m looking forward to a few months without obligatory socializing.

I’m happy with my cartoon today. An email buddy of mine from Germany, one Michael Roth (who happens to be a writer) sends me cartoon ideas almost every week. Some of them intrigue me and I end up using them––or a version of them––in Bizarro. This is one such idea and came in as follows, “Snowman school. Little snowboy with magnifying glass bugs snowkid sitting in front of him with sunbeam. Bugged snowkid raises arm: “Mrs. Wiesencramer, Harry is doing it again!” I liked the graphic challenge of drawing a beam of sunlight channeled through a magnifying glass to melt a hole in a fellow snow-classmate. I’m very happy with the way it turned out and encourage you to click on the image and see it larger. There are also plenty of fun side gags in the posters on the wall, so click the image to enlarge it and check those out.

For you who bother to read the text I provide with my cartoons here, I’ll let you in on a fun back story: In the “Anatomy of a Cell” poster on the wall, the tiny hole in the center of the snowflake is designated as “anus.” My editors asked me to remove it because while it isn’t a hugely offensive word or concept, newspaper editors hate it when cartoonists sneak questionable content into their comics. If it had been large and an integral part of the gag, most editors would have likely approved it, but they resent getting emails or phone calls from uptight readers who are complaining about something that they didn’t know was there and had no choice about publishing. I suppose I can’t blame them and in the current climate of declining newspaper revenues, I can’t afford to lose clients so I took it out for the one that ran in newspapers, but left it in on this one for you. bz panel 12-26-14bz strip 12-26-14bz panel 12-27-14bz strip 12-27-14

The following cartoons are from the last two days before today’s Sunday comic. The first one is self explanatory, I think, but the second one confused at least one reader who sent me a comment about it. It’s simple, really; the cartoon looks and sounds exactly like a divorce or breakup of a romantic couple but when you read the bottom caption, you see that it’s something entirely different––a brief visit by a luggage salesman that ended without a sale. I’ve always enjoyed cartoons that misdirect in this way. (see below.)

Bygone Bizarro: This older cartoon is perhaps my favorite example from my career of this kind of misdirection. At first you think you are looking at a typical scene of an Indian pointing out smoke signals to a cowboy, but the bottom caption tells a different story that still makes me chuckle to this day. If you look at it closely, you’ll see they both have a bowl of salad in their laps. Hope you enjoy it.bizarro 09-21-03 TontoCauliflowerWEB

bz panel 12-22-14bz strip 12-22-14bz panel 12-23-14bz strip 12-23-14bz panel 12-24-14bz strip 12-24-14bz panel 12-25-14bz strip 12-25-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Scary Christmas and Santa’s Package.

This week brings four holiday cartoons for your end-of-year enjoyment. I’m  not one who adheres to the religious celebration of Jesus but I’ve long been bothered by the tacky commercial-ization of Christmas in America. To my sensibilities it’s noisy and ugly no matter what the reason, but the fact that it is all supposedly in honor of one of the least materialistic characters in modern times makes it even more unpalatable.  I stopped participating in it back in the early 90s, announcing politely to my friends and family that I wouldn’t be sending cards or giving gifts anymore and did not expect any. On the increasingly rare occasion when I do get a gift, I accept graciously, of course. I’m not trying to be an ass about it, I just don’t want to play anymore. I’ve found it very liberating.

Thus, my Xmas cartoons tend to come from a fairly irreverent place. In case you missed it, my previous post was a collection of 29 of my favorite Xmas-themed Bizarros from years past. Check it out here for more fun.

GHOST OF BIZARRO PAST: Scroll down to see a strange Xmas cartoon of mine from 1997 that depicts what holidays are like in Cookie Land. Other cultures can be so strange. bizarro 12-24-97 WEBThe nation of Cookie Land recently hacked into my website and stole a bunch of top secret information about future comics and some embarrassing emails in which I openly criticized their king, then threatened to attack my blog if I posted this cartoon. I told them, “I’m not Sony, assholes!”

Happy holidays to all my Jazz Pickles. Stay tangy.

Reindeer Games and Predators

Bizarro 12-21-14 hdrBizarro 12-21-14 WEBbz panel 12-19-14bz strip 12-19-14bz panel 12-20-14bz strip 12-20-14bz 12-20-07XmasWEB(For embiggenated views of any of these cartoons, tap it with your pointy thing.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Hilarity of Horror.

Can you believe it’s Christmas week again? It’s been about a year since the last one, so yes, I can. But doesn’t it seem that the older you get, the more often Christmas comes around?  I’d like to propose that we change it from once a year to once every 75 years, to coincide with Halley’s Comet. That way plastic nativity scenes on front lawns can benefit from the more realistic “star”.

In the next few days, I’ll have some fun Xmas cartoons in Bizarro and I’m going to post a special edition of this blog tomorrow (or the next day) with a sled full of my favorite Xmas cartoons from years past.

Today’s post is about Santa’s midlife crisis. This one was fun to draw, but a tad tedious, I must say. I was seeing cheetah spots every time I closed my eyes for days.

These other two cartoons are from Friday and Saturday and I haven’t anything clever to say about them.  Let’s move onto the archival cartoon today.

 
PALEOZARRO: This cartoon from 2007 was wrought from personal experience. I’m one of those people who cannot get a song out of my head, especially annoying ones that I don’t like in the first place. The three Xmas TV specials I commemorate here are chock full of those damned things. Just looking at this drawing again puts those songs in my head and now I’ll be tortured for the next who-knows-how-long. Do you see the sacrifices I make for you, dear reader?