Feedbag

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(Click the pictures I have left here for greater embiggenation.)

NOTE: AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST ARE THE DETAILS OF TWO, FREE COMEDY TALKS I’M DOING THIS WEEK IN PASADENA, CALIFORNIA! HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Strange Times.

This is the second cartoon I’ve done recently about large, lumpy surgical masks. (Here is the other.) Sometimes when I’m gag writing I think of a joke that leads to another similar one. If they are different enough, I’ll use them both. A few times in the past, I’ve challenged myself to come up with enough jokes on a particular topic to run an entire week. I did that once in 2002 with dry cleaner gags, shown below. One of my favorite aspects of this series was the signs in each gag about what happens to customers’ clothes left too long. You’ll need to click each one to temporarily embiggenate it so you can read those signs.
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Seuss Goth Magic Santa Alien

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Willing Victims.

I’ve always been one to think of “ordinary” things objectively, which is why I’m fairly good at coming up with cartoons. As a kid, I often wondered why cow’s milk was fine but horse or dog or pig milk was revolting. Eventually, I became repulsed by cow’s milk, as well, and as it turns out it’s a pretty unhealthy thing for humans to consume, contrary to everything you’ve heard all your life. That kind of thinking (and research) led me to adopt a vegan diet over 12 years ago, which has greatly improved my health and happiness. That kind of thinking also led to this cartoon about eating famous Seuss characters. (more…)

Security Invasion

Bizarro 06-22-14 hdrWEb Bizarro 06-22-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Brief Survey.

If you’re not accustomed to going through security at American airports, you may miss some of this gag. The wording these guys say over and over, all day long is, “Completely empty the contents of your pockets and take off your shoes.” (Which you are supposed to put in a tray.) Yes, we Americans still have to take off our shoes and run them through the X-ray machine because years ago, some mentally disturbed lunatic tried to ignite a bomb he had hidden in his shoe. Thank god he didn’t hide it in his underwear. So, while thinking of what a security check might look like on an alien planet, I came up with this gag. Theoretical physicists would back me up that this could potentially be happening on another planet, or a parallel universe. So there. (more…)

Tentacles

Bizarro 04-06-14 hedrWEB Bizarro 04-06-14 WEB(To be with bigger cartoons, click on any tentacle.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Kickin’ It Old School.

It’s election season in the U.S. again, somehow, and the usual crop of ne’er do wells is up and running. I used to follow politics closely but in recent years I’ve thought better of it and I’ve been happier for the decision. Accordingly, I thought this cartoon would be a good lesson for any alien species considering taking over the planet. (Side note: Can you spot your Grand Imperial Exalted Jazz Poobah in this cartoon? If so, put a few bucks in the tip jar at right to celebrate your cleverness!) (more…)

Yeah?

bz panel 08-17-13bz strip 08-17-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Lunch.

Wars of worlds are so dramatic, what with the laser beams and the annihilation of entire cities and the melting of people and whatnot, that spats of worlds get very little press. I decided to change all of that with this cartoon. And before you ask, yes, my little Bizarro Alien who floats around my cartoons is from the same planet as the alien featured here, but they are of different species. (more…)

Probing Question

bz panel 08-07-13bz strip 08-07-13Bizarro am brang to you today by Dangerous Fruit.

My daughter, Krelspeth and her man (my boyfriend-in-law), Klarf, are visiting me this week in L.A. so I’m a bit behind on blog postings. I hope this has not caused any of my six readers undue anxiety.

We’ve had a fun week together and have not experienced a single alien probing, unlike our unfortunate farmer man in this cartoon. He is lucky, however, that he is about to be probed by the iProd 5, which is much slimmer and more comfortable than previous models. Of course, the old charger won’t work on it because it has a different size port, which is annoying. (more…)

Mao Dummy Alien Cat Pee God Santa Nixon Crook

 

(To see this cartoon as big as China, click on Mao’s third button.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hover Cats.

I’ve been away for a while visiting my hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was asked to deliver the commencement address at their midterm graduation and had a ball doing it. As many times as I have spoken and performed in public, I was pretty nervous. Big crowd, lots of big brains, funny outfits, a giant basketball scoreboard with a live video feed of me talking hanging over the center of the room right in front of me. To top it all off, I couldn’t see my notes so I had to mostly wing it. I guess it went okay. (more…)

App Monster Stooge Car Caveman

Bizarro is brought to you today by Abstract Motors.

My life is getting exponentially busier lately and I barely have time to post. In fact, I don’t have time today but I am crowbarring it into my schedule like John Goodman into a pair of Spankx.

Here are the cartoons I’ve published since I last posted. This first one is about an app that my iPhone came with. It runs whenever I’m not using it and reminds me each time I take it out of my pocket how empty life is. (sigh) (more…)

Doctor Online Alien Soup

Bizarro is brought to you today by Foot Fetish.

I’ve been busier than a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs this week, so I’m late on posting these. I hope I haven’t lost either of my readers.

Cartoon #1 is a visual joke, nothing more. Take it however you like. The patient is fashioned after my good friend, Tiny Tony T. Smith, who recorded my someday-to-be-released album recently. Eventually, I’m going to sell a CD of four or five of my original songs. They’re all serious songs, not meant to be comedy, but the lyrics are clever (or so I’ve heard) and people often get a chuckle or two from them. Would any of you be interested in buying said album and if so, how much should it cost? Maybe I can figure a way to download them for 99 cents a piece like they do on iTunes instead of creating 3-D discs. I don’t know anything about that stuff. (more…)