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Bizarro is brought to you today by Cowboy Cartoonist.

We have some friends who live on a ranch outside of our town here in Mexico and they bring us horseback riding from time to time. When I was a little boy, westerns were my favorite kind of TV shows and movies, and when I wasn’t drawing, playing cowboy was my favorite thing to do. And, up until I was probably six years old, the Old West was 90% of what I drew. As I grew up in Oklahoma and got old enough to know some real cowboys, I realized I didn’t fit in to their world very well so I never moved out to the country, raised cattle, or voted Republican, but I still love playing cowboy.

Last weekend we got to ride around the hillsides here again and play cowboy for a day. It was amazing. Following are a few of my favorite shots from last weekend’s jaunt through the Mexican hills. 

Here I am preparing to mount Speedy. It has been my experience that the horse named “Speedy” is often the slowest horse in a given stable. I’d ridden him before and found that Speedy can seem pretty chill unless you gallop him and then he earns his name.

I love this shot of my favorite cowgirl in the whole Wild West, Olive Oyl. She is sitting astride Dorado, whose color sets off the highlights in Olive’s hair, but that’s not the only reason she likes him. Dorado did some galloping, too, and Olive hung on just like the vaquera she is.

I’m not above posing dramatically for a photo but in this case, I wasn’t. I climbed up on a rock to see if the posse that was on our trail was still following us and Olive snapped this lovely shot without my knowledge. As it turned out, they were still following us and we had to hightail it into the hills and hide out for the night.

O2 and our good buddy and trail guide, Luis. It’s his uncle’s ranch that we ride from and that’s Luis’s own horse whose name escapes me at the moment. Is it “Skywalker” or “Coco Puffs” or “Debby”? I remember it was something with vowels and consonants.

This is our friend, Frank, who is a successful painter (of fine art, not houses) and fellow local resident.  Unfortunately, we were riding through a blurry area when I snapped this shot.

Here’s Frank at his property in the hills. He’s built a small bunkhouse with an outdoor kitchen area and is currently working on an art studio. I’m so jealous of this property and his fine art career that it makes me hate him quite a lot. But it doesn’t affect our friendship as much as it might because I like him more than I hate him.

Here’s one last shot of me enjoying the cowboy life, then we’ll move on to cartoons.

I’ve not seen his camo pants, either, and I hope I don’t. I generally steer clear of people who wear camouflage when they aren’t actually trying to hide from an adversary. I suspect they may have a heightened fascination for machismo.

This cartoon raises the question are seven beer bellies funny or gross? You be the judge.

You see, he changed his baby into a dog. I can’t blame him because dogs are SO much easier to take care of than babies. Cheaper to educate, too.

I don’t know if villains do this anymore, but in those old westerns I loved as a kid, there would sometimes be a person who used a bullwhip as a weapon. If you aren’t tied to something, you can stop them by walking up to them. I always thought that was kind of funny.

Somebody wrote to me to protest my use of blind people in this cartoon. This is one of my pet peeves that happens every time I do a cartoon featuring people who are routinely discriminated against: the misguided notion that mentioning a person who is in a comparatively weak position in society is tantamount to adding to their problems. This is a clear case of misplaced victimhood. If this cartoon made fun of blind people (or any other racial, religious, or social minority group) I would not have written, drawn, or published it. But it does not. It clearly makes fun of the man who is attempting to explain a mime to a group of people who cannot see him, as though he were translating speech for the deaf. He, and possibly the mime, are the butts of this joke and that makes it ethically neutral, in my opinion.


I’m a sports fan but have never liked basketball because as a short person, I can’t relate to the version that is played professionally unless I play on a smaller court with shorter goals and a smaller ball. It would be like watching a race run by people with four legs instead of two. Like the rest of this blog, that’s just my own personal, worthless opinion, of course.

Thanks for hanging out with me, Jazz Pickles. I enjoy this weekly imaginary play date more than you know. If you enjoy my work online, please have a look at the following hand-crafted messages!





Belated Blog Day

Bizarro 03-29-15 HdrWEBBizarro is brought to you by What Could Go Wrong?

My blog has been wonky for days which is why I’ve been absent from posting last week’s cartoons but now I’m happy to say it’s feeling better.

Bizarro 03-29-15 WEBYes, that’s me in one of my Hitchcock-inspired cameos (click the image for a larger view) engaging with what is one of my pet peeves: people who consume more resources than necessary in an increasingly fragile environment. You readers outside the U.S. may not realize that American families with one or two kids in a giant, condo-sized SUV is the standard in America. It’s fairly unbelievable how many of these behemoth vehicles there are on the road and equally incredible how few people actually need them. Now, you may be saying, “I need mine –– I have two kids and groceries and strollers and sports equipment, and…” but what you actually mean is “A car the size of a school bus is convenient for dragging lots of crap around all the time but I could do with a small stationwagon or hatchback like everyone else in the rest of the civilized world does, and everyone in America did before SUVs became standard.” Just a friendly, preachy reminder that we’re all in this tiny, sinking boat together and putting your own comfort and convenience ahead of the entire species is maybe not the best way to go.

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As for the rest of the week, we start with Monday’s cartoon about a couple of guys talking about their divorce scenarios. This is a gag that I drew from personal experience since I’m currently still battling my ex-wife in court, after more than 3 1/2 years. You’d be surprised how little the courts care about justice in divorces. If I hadn’t been raised better, I’d have taken hostages over it by now.

bz panel 03-24-15Tuesday’s gag was about a guy with an interesting job. It occurred to me after I drew this character that he looked like a young version of the actor who played “Mike” on Breaking Bad and the same role now on Better Call Saul. Total accident, though.


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Wednesday’s gag is about another personal pet peeve of mine in the form of people talking at movie theaters as though they were watching at home. Just another reason why I don’t carry a gun. (And there are many reasons.)




bz panel 03-26-15Thursday’s papers had this cartoon about changing babies. What you change them into depends on your own skill level, but just about anything would be easier and cheaper than raising a human child. I know, I did it twice.




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I really like Friday’s gag about the conjoined twins (formerly called “Siamese twins because the most famous pair of them was from Siam, a country now known as Thailand.) I am known among my friends as one of those annoying “grammar nazis” but I got tagged by a grammar nazi reader of mine who told me a birthday cannot be belated, only the greeting can be. So this should properly have read, “belated happy birthday,” not “happy belated birthday.” Damned grammar nazis.

bz panel 03-28-15Finally, Saturday’s joke is about clever ducks who defeat their enemy with kindness. I came upon this idea when watching an old cowboy movie in which someone was terrorizing someone else with a bullwhip. Whenever I see this I always wonder why the person cowering doesn’t just walk up to the person with the whip and stand next to them. Whips are useless without the distance necessary to use them, which is considerable.

That’s it for now, hope you’re having a Jazz Pickly week, JPs!