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Born Adults

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(A simple click of any illustration here will delightfully embiggenate it.)
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Bizarro is brought to you today by Enduring Myths.

Today’s Sunday cartoon is a soft joke but one that made me smile. The mythical notion of humans just popping up in life as full-grown, modern adults and trying to negotiate the world around them is always amusing to me, but this is a wrinkle I’ve never thought of before. The utterly casual callousness of Adam and Eve as the quintessential “new parents” is devilishly delightful: “Sorry kid. We have no idea what we’re doing, and how could we?” I felt that way with my first daughter, who was born a full decade before I had any business being a parent.
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Crawling Through Cliches

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(A desire to embiggenate can be satisfied by clicking any of these cartoons.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by The Simpson’s Shout-Out to Jazz Pickles.

As I’ve said before on this blog, I enjoy doing cartoons within the canon of popular cartoon tropes like the desert island, the shrink’s couch, the man crawling through a desert, etc. Here I combine two of them and use another trope: the self-referential cartoon. Self-referential cartoons can be dangerous because if they’re too easy––a character simply noticing he is in a cartoon without anything more substantial to say about it––it can elicit a groan. I hope not too many people groaned at this one. I thought it was fun.
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Quintuple Cavalcade of Comedy

Bizarro is brought to you today by Tiny Alien.

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Monday: Dogs are funny. Dogs without electronics are just sad. (Get a print of this cartoon.)

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Tuesday: I was on a jury once for a one-day civil trial and it was boring as hell. I can imagine after a long trial wishing that someone would kill me. (Get a print of this cartoon.)
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Peach Tweet Bug Neurosis

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Selfies.

 

Just for the record, I’m all for organic, locally-grown food. Our current food system is deadly to our health and that of the environment. I am against forcing children to lug backpacks weighing several hundred pounds to school, however.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s a cute idea from my friend, Brian Levy. He claims he lives in Texas somewhere but I’ve never been to his house so I’m not sure if I should believe it. (more…)

Camper Bite Godzilla God

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In creating this first cartoon, I was well aware of the fact that there are plenty of women (and men) out there who really dig this kind of guy. To those folks I’d like to say that the point of this was not to say that this guy is wrong for everyone, just wrong for the gal at the bar. I have a lot of friends who are political, environmental, and/or animal rights activists and some of them have the habit of plastering their vehicles with tons of stickers about their beliefs, as well. I’m not sure how many people actually change their belief system based on the bumper stickers they read while at a red light, but I’m guessing it’s a fairly small percentage. Still, somehow we all like to tell the world what we believe or cherish in one way or another. I, for instance, enjoy wearing a T-shirt that says, “ONE OF MY CHILDREN HAS NEVER BEEN ARRESTED.” (Purchase a print of this cartoon.) (more…)

Puke Snooze Drink Puke

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Since I was a child I’ve been fascinated by the fact that some animals feed their young by eating something, then regurgitating it into their mouth. First, let me say how happy I am that humans are not among the species with this charming habit, and secondly, perhaps we should be. Some babies have difficulty digesting certain kinds of foods and perhaps a little pre-digestion would be a good thing. If anyone decides to try this with their own baby, let me know how it turns out, and remember that I am not a doctor nor even a particularly well-educated person so don’t blame me if your baby is irreparably damaged by this experiment. (more…)

Star Trek Godzilla Murder Complaint Nap

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I have a long-time pen pal in Germany by the name of Michael Roth. He’s a writer and sometimes he writes cartoon ideas he’d like to see and every now and again I use one. He sent me some ideas about how outdated the “communicators” from the original Star Trek TV show would look to us now, and we finally settled on this treatment for it. If that’s not enough, I packed it with lots of background jokes, too, so click the image for a larger look-see. On the side of the pink truck is one of my Jazz Pickle, limited-edition T-shirts. If you missed this one, check out my most recent shirt,available for only TWO MORE DAYS! Makes a great gift for that person in your life who is addicted to lame TV shows or Justin Bieber. bz panel 07-03-14bz strip 07-03-14bz panel 07-04-14bz strip 07-04-14bz panel 07-05-14bz strip 07-05-14And don’t forget to drop by and say hello to Michael. (more…)

Vowel Whoa Blow Text Stumps

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Bizarro is brought to you today by WHAT?

 

This first cartoon is perhaps a bit of a “groaner” to some, but I still think it’s a clever gag so I went with it. I’m glad I did because I really love the woman’s face. Something about it makes me happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Old West’s version of the four-way stop is a recent favorite of mine. I love doing cartoons about the Old West and this is something I’d not seen before. I’m also driven crazy by other drivers who can’t figure out how four-way stops work. Or, it’s their turn and they wave everyone else by because they’re too timid to enter an intersection with others watching. (more…)

Undies Fish TV Laptop

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Latest Disguise Technology.

 

Ever wondered if Tarzan wore underwear? Neither had I until I did, and it resulted in this cartoon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This barroom cartoon is a collaboration with my good friend and known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I’ve been told by a few readers that I got the symbol count wrong on this vertical version, it should be 7 instead of 6. The strip is wrong, too. I only count 4. Sometimes my counting ain’t so good, and neither is my editor’s. Wayno blathers eloquently about this cartoon and his original sketch here. (more…)

Flying Dead Geezer Brain

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Bizarro is brought to you today by But What If I Have One?

 

 

As funny cartoons about dogs go, I think this one holds its own. What’s funnier than a dog trying to fly? As I write this, I’m pondering whether I’d rather have a dog that can fly or one that just stands up and flaps his arms. I think the latter would be more fun, although the former would be more lucrative. (more…)

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