Shrinks, Nuts, Crooks, Tramps, Cons

bz panel 02-10-14bz panel 02-11-14bz panel 02-12-14bz panel 02-13-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Strange Fetish.

 

As is often the case, my Monday and Tuesday were too busy with Bizarro deadlines for me to post, then I got arrested on Wednesday and was still unable to post, but now I’m out on bail so here at long last are Mon’s, Tues’s, Wed’s and Thurs’s cartoons from this week. (more…)

Tote Till It Hurts

bz panel 07-22-13bz strip 07-22-13 Bizarro is brought to you today by Tan-n-Go.   

I confess I haven’t watched much PBS for a while so I don’t know if they still do pledge week. Back in the day, that was always my favorite time of year. I would skip the programming in between pledge breaks and just watch the local volunteers stand in front of a bank of people on phones, improvising non-stop for god-knows-how-long until they reached their goal for that break. They would start by telling you how much they were enjoying whatever program they’d been showing (The entire I Claudius series?) then tell you how lucky you were to have this kind of programming commercial free, then tell you about the gifts you could get if you donated money starting with a box set of something-or-other (Billy Joel’s complete recording catalog?) and working their way down to the godawful tote bag you could get for being a cheapskate. That usually ate up about two minutes, then they’d start over in different words saying the same thing over and over for the next 13 minutes of the break. A great drinking game was to down a shot of Tequila every time they mentioned Sesame Street. You’d be passed out drunk inside of ten minutes. My god, it was painful watching them vamp and beg but I couldn’t look away. Sort of like watching Ali G grilling a politician.  Their misery was my guilty pleasure. I often called in and pledged money, mostly because I just felt so sorry for the volunteers in the studio. Maybe that was the point. (more…)

Bum Head Hunchback Lion Mime Self Signs

(Doth thee desire to view this cartoon biggeth? If so, clicketh the plaid shorts.)

Bizarro is brought to you by Robot Bunny.

It’s been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon, but I don’t live in Lake Wobegon and that’s one reason why I haven’t posted on this blog all week. I live in LA and it’s been busy here. Since I last posted, Rodney King died. I rioted for three days but no one noticed. After that, Jerry Sandusky was found guilty on 45 of the 48 charges he was on trial. YES! I knew that charge 47 was bogus! When I heard the verdict, I considered rioting again, just for good measure, but I was still tired from the Rodney King thing. (more…)

You’re Not Hallucinating

(If you are among the dozens of people all over the world who want to see this image larger, do what half of them are doing all across the nation –– click the elephant!)

Bizarro is brought to you by Well Wishes.

Today, I would first like to extend my most sincere apologies for not having posted this cartoon sooner. What a excrement noggin I am for publishing a cartoon that tells people to go directly to this web site, then have nothing posted there about the reason why. I hate myself and you should, too. (Hate me, not yourself.) (more…)

Erect Bum House

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Neanderthal SuperCuts!

A reader from New Zealand wrote to me and asked me to post her favorite comic of mine from years ago. I think this cartoon may have been published in Scandinavia at some point so maybe she saw it there or in a past episode of this blog. Not sure. So here it is, in all its glory. She didn’t say why this is her favorite; perhaps this is a common pick-up line in the land of the kiwi. (more…)