Big Something

(The embiggenation of some of these images can be caused by clicking on them.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by America’s Next President If I Have My Way.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Bigfoot lately, although I’ve no idea why. In the cartoon above, we see that Sasquatch belongs to a family in which each member has one oversized thing. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)

Not long ago, I published a cartoon about Bigfoot and his relationship to Trump. You can see it here. The cartoon inspired me to create a Bigfoot campaign poster and put it on a T-shirt. I’m offering it in several styles and colors, so be sure to poke around a bit and find one you like. I think this design is super fun and a subtle way to tell people where you stand politically. (Way out in the wilderness where it’s safe. Relatively)  As always, your purchase helps keep the lanterns full of oil here at Rancho Bizarro so we can keep poking the Orange Menace with our cartoon swords late into the night. Please also consider forwarding the link to folks whom you think might like the shirt! See the wonderful, aformentioned product here.

Some other funny shirts are in my store, too, so fish around a bit. So far, I have two pages of stuff. Here is my store’s homepage with the rest of the products.

Contrary to what many people think, dogs are not the only pets that do tricks. Cats are very good at disappearing and alligators are excellent at making others disappear.

I’ve never participated in group therapy per se but I’ve participated in a number of support groups, which are very similar except they aren’t normally led by a licensed therapist. I’m a big believer in this kind of thing because when you’re struggling in your personal life, it is so easy to fall into the trap of over examining every miserable aspect of your existence and losing touch with how your life stacks up against others in your community. You may rightly be upset that your husband of 30 years left you for a 22-year-old stripper, but then someone else at your support group tells the story of how they lost their husband and two children to an escaped pet alligator. Suddenly your problems seem a little more manageable.

The benefits of support groups are deeper and more subtle than that, of course, but you get the idea.

Whenever I see people dressed in mascot costumes––whether they’re advertising some commercial establishment on the street or trying to entertain kids or whatever––I always wonder about the person inside. Perhaps it is a teenager and this is an acceptable, temporary job for them, but maybe it’s a formerly successful, middle-aged guy who lost his family to an escaped alligator, became an alcoholic, and can’t hold down a better job. That makes me sad.

It also reminds me of this cartoon from the turn of the century.

A few of my readers have criticized me for doing cartoons about politics in the past year. Some don’t like them because they are pro-Trump, others are just sick to death of politics being in their face 24/7. So here’s a shout-out to show that I sympathize. And I truly, deeply do sympathize in a meaningful way. If I lived in the U.S. right now, I’d be pulling my hair out. On our recent visit there, the Cheeto Mussolini and people analyzing his latest embarrassing tantrum or scandal were everywhere, constantly; bars, restaurants, airport waiting areas, etc. Here in Mexico, I can limit myself to reading a few headlines and stories online and I don’t watch any TV news or video whatsoever. In doing so, I’m able to go many months without ever seeing his face or hearing his voice. It’s a life saver.

This cartoon came from a comment I made while writing a blog post a while back and I figured it might make a good cartoon. Also worth noting is the poster on the wall that says, “The Electoral College and the End of the World” which shows these three steps: 1) Russia meddling in America’s election just enough to get Trump elected via the Electoral College, 2) the American fascist authoritarian facing off against the North Korean fascist authoritarian, 3) a nuclear mushroom cloud. The book on the kid’s desk says, “What is This? The History of Books”.

This cartoon actually happened to me. One day I was at my drawing table and chased with a flyswatter what I thought was an elusive mosquito. I wasted a couple of minutes looking like an idiot before I realized it was a floater in my eye. I was worried this gag might be too soft, not funny enough to relate to, maybe even too vague but it turned out to get lots of comments on social media from others who’ve done the exact same thing. Funny how that kind of stuff works out.

Thanks for reading this week’s roundup, Jazz Pickles, and not just skimming the cartoons in 9 seconds and moving on to Alex Jones’ website to see what institutional insanity looks like.  If you enjoy what I’m doing, please recommend my work to your friends and consider some of the options I’ve listed above and below that help me make ends meet as increasingly more folks read my work for free on the Interwebs.

Till next time, be smart, be happy, be nice.

Secret Code

(Hankering for embiggenation? Click any image and be unhankered.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Good Listener.

When I was in junior high school in Oklahoma in the early 1970s, many of the girls had a secret language they called “Jibberish”. They could speak and understand it as quickly as I could speak English, but it was completely inscrutable to those of us who didn’t know the system.

It had to do with adding prescribed syllables and sounds between syllables of the words you were saying. So the sentence “Does she like Mark?” would be (spelled phonetically) “Duh-the-guz  shuh-the-gee  lie-the-gike  Muh-the-gark?”  I’ve linked each word here with hyphens to make it easier to decipher. Even after I knew the system, I found it much easier to speak than to understand and thus it was still impossible for me to be able to interpret what the girls were saying because they spoke it at lightning speed. I was envious but never envious enough to create, practice, and teach to others a new code language of my own.

Flashing forward to the present, now that most schools are not teaching cursive writing to kids anymore, I’ve got the secret language I wanted as a child. Somehow it isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be, though.

I suppose the reasoning for not teaching cursive anymore is that with so much technology to write for us, we no longer need to scribble out letters and notes by hand. Eventually, they’ll stop teaching printing, too. Of course, if a child of today ever gets stranded on a mountaintop or desert island, they won’t be able to spell out “SOS” in rocks and will have to rely on putting it on their phone and waving it at passing airplanes. Which will only work until the battery dies.

I’m not a believer in myths like Hell but if it did exist, I suspect the first several thousand years would have to do with being caught in some kind of Internet voodoo loop that would not allow you to complete your sign up.

I’m not one of those people who likes an aggressive massage. I want to feel good after a massage, not feel as though I’ve missed multiple payments to the local mob boss and am being taught a lesson I’ll never forget. My partner, Olive Oyl, however, does not feel she’s gotten her money’s worth from a massage therapist unless she passes out from pain numerous times during the process.

I got a few messages from readers who confessed they had to look up the big word in this break-up cartoon. Vocabulary building is just one more of the many services that we provide here at Rancho Bizarro Cartoon Industries. No extra charge.

My mother didn’t understand this joke about the heart-shaped box and I had trouble explaining it to her. I just said it doesn’t refer to anything specific that you’ve ever heard of, it’s just a weird woman asking for an unusual item for a very strange, ill-defined reason. If that’s not enough to make you smile, then it’s just not your cup of tea.

I am reminded of a lapel button I bought in London in 1979 and wore on my jean jacket for years. It said, “If your mom likes it, it isn’t art.” Sorry Mom.

I posted this cartoon about mushroom risotto on my own Instagram account (@danpiraro) and it broke my personal record for “likes” by a factor of eleven. I knew it was tapping into a certain zeitgeist when I wrote it, but I didn’t expect that kind of response and I have no idea why it went viral in such a big way. Maybe George Takei mentioned it on one of his social media sites or something.

Then, for an even stranger reason, the cartoon I posted yesterday got two and a half times as many likes as the one that got eleven times as many likes as the previous record. I like that I’m getting more visits, now I just have to figure out how to turn those views into potential customers for something I get paid for.

Lots of people said they liked the T-shirts in this cartoon and, coincidentally, I’m actually working on posting some new T-shirt designs on another site right now. I think I’ll be announcing that in the next few days, in fact, so watch your FB feeds and my Twitter and Instagram accounts!

That’s it for now, Jazz Pickles. Until next time, be smart, be happy, be nice.

Plate Glass Special

(To embiggenate any picture on this page, project it onto a large piece of paper and trace it carefully. Or click the image with your computer’s pointing finger thing.)

Before I say anything else, I’d like to remind you that this cartoon was drawn several weeks ago. When I looked at it this morning, I could not help but see it in relation to the use of an automobile as a weapon in Charlottesville last weekend, and I was sorely dismayed by the idea that some people might see a connection. In simple words, this cartoon has NOTHING to do with that incident.

It does, however, have everything to do with how many of today’s teenagers are much better at video games than they are at real life. Of course, with the direction society is going, once the rest of us are old and out of power, the entire world will exist in virtual reality and the vast majority of the world’s population will be sitting around with goggles on being fed intravieneously. By whom, I’ve no idea.

On to funnier matters: I tried to pack a lot of fun into the art on this one. There are 11 Secret Symbols and if you’re not familiar with what that means, this is a great time to look into it. Here’s a list of the 13 official symbols, a few of which I hide in almost all of my cartoons. And––SPOILER ALERT––if you have trouble finding them all or are too busy to search for them, here’s a version of this cartoon with the symbols circled.

Lastly, if you’re wondering what this diner is called, here’s a closeup of the red menu on the counter in front of the old man pouring coffee.

This cartoon is a public service announcement of sorts, reminding people to be careful with their love butter and not to open their jar for someone without thinking it through. You’re welcome. That said, sex is fun if you know what you’re doing, don’t take it too seriously, always use a condom.

Most of us have worked for a rich asshole at some point in our lives and we currently have the king of all rich, privileged, frat-bro assholes in the Oval Office, of course. When I was young and working “normal” jobs, it often galled me that my hard work was doing little more than buying more sports cars and vacation homes for some random jackass I’d never met. Most of us are in that position most of our lives. I don’t have an answer for it, I just like to complain.

Olive Oyl and I have a pitbull mix (Jemima) who loves to play fetch. She likes to chase a rubber bone-shaped chew toy and we’ve been playing this way for a few years. We recently adopted a border collie mix (Monita) who is not yet a year old but is already taller and longer than Jemima, and she totally changed the game. She doesn’t like to play fetch, but she loves to herd. So now I throw the bone as far as I can, Jemima hauls ass to snatch it in her mouth and turns around to run back to me. Monita crouches as Jemima turns back toward us, trots in stalking fashion toward Jemima, then darts out in front of her to stop her momentum, grabs the bone in Jemima’s mouth and struggles with her until she gets it away from her, then takes a few steps away and drops it. Once she’s gotten it away from Jemima, she doesn’t want it anymore.

For reasons unknown, neither of them have any interest in any kind of ball.

When I was a teen in the 70s, there were rumors that some ice cream trucks sold weed in secret. I have no personal experience to validate it because I was too shy to ask an ice cream truck driver if he had pot, but I believed the rumor and think now that it was certainly true in some places. That memory along with recent changes in the law regarding marijuana inspired this cartoon. It isn’t hard to imagine a time in the not-too-distant future when cannabis trucks will cruise slowly down the street playing Grateful Dead songs and we’ll go running down the block to catch it like we did when we were kids. Another truck will undoubtedly be a block or two behind it selling crunchy snacks.

“…to outlaw (cannabis) in favor of prescription drugs, alcohol, and tobacco is like imprisoning people for possessing plain water and forcing them to drink Pepsi while the population grows fat and sick.”

I’ve expressed my opinion about The Drug War on this blog before but the illegal status of marijuana in most of America and the fact that so many people have been imprisoned for it is one of the greatest injustices in modern history. Cannabis is an extremely useful and harmless, natural product of the planet and to outlaw it in favor of prescription drugs, alcohol, and tobacco is like imprisoning people for possessing plain water and forcing them to drink Pepsi while the population grows fat and sick. And, just when society and the government was coming around to the common sense of treating adults like grownups, the archaic voodoo of the Electoral College has screwed the entire world with this travesty of an administration, and America is heading back to the draconian drug policies of the dark ages with the Keebler Elf who calls himself Jeff Sessions leading the charge. When are we going to wake up as a society and start putting the right people behind bars? These guys would be a great start.


Here’s some fun with stupid red hats that champion idiotic, phony ideals. One good thing to come out of the strife in Charlottesville last week is that people who are capable of understanding reality have been shown unmistakingly that racists have been voting Republican since The Civil Rights Act was signed in 1964, and the Republicans have been actively courting them for their votes for decades. Trump was not the first to embrace these mentally-deficient monsters. We’ve also now been shown that a Nazi sympathizer and white supremacist is in the White House and has several more on his payroll, all of whose salaries we pay as American taxpayers. Tens of thousands of good Americans died to defeat these bastards in WWII and now they run our country. What’s wrong with this picture?

Let’s end today’s rant with a fun little comment on Internet rating systems. If you’ve not seen a TV series called “Black Mirror,” I highly recommend checking it out on Netflix. Each episode is a different story with different characters, Twilight Zone style, about what kind of dark things can (and probably definitely will) happen with the Internet in the very near future. Since there is no need to watch them in sequence, start with the episode called “Nose Dive”. It’s super chilling and I’d bet good money that something very like it will happen in your lifetime. A few of the episodes are a bit “meh,” but most of them are very compelling. I’ve no idea why this show didn’t do better and last longer except for the obvious fact that it is smart and most viewers are not. (For evidence, measure the ratings of Black Mirror against The Apprentice.)

That’s all I’ve got for this week, Jazz Pickles. Thanks so much for joining me and have a good week. Till next time, be happy, be smart, keep your head down, and fight fascism. 


You regular readers of my blog (called Jazz Pickles by some) likely remember when I used to collaborate quite a bit with Wayno, a cartoonist working out of Pittsburgh. Well, Wayno has moved on to a feature of his own and doesn’t send me ideas anymore (sad face here) and I thought you JPs would enjoy knowing about it and following his work. His feature is called WaynoVision and you can see it here.

And here’s a link to his blog.

Here’s an example of what he’s been up to that I thought was particularly amusing!