Bearing Traffic

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(To enjoy a more embiggenated version of this cartoon, click it twice less than thrice.)Bizarro 04-03-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you by Terror Therapy.

As my faithful Jazz Pickles know, I enjoy the occasional pun as long as it is unpredictable and suggests a good picture. This is one such pun, suggested by my friend, Ed Cohen. Ed gave me “Gridlock and the Three Bears” and I came up with the rest. I had a great time illustrating the classic cars, of which I am a fan but cannot afford a warehouse full of like my comedy colleague, Jay Leno has. (The limit of my current budget is one vintage motorcycle, a ’73 BMW.) I think Bunny’s Emergency Pie Repair truck is amusing, as well as the Odd Duck storefront in the background, and I have always been a fan of the AMC Pacer, one of the strangest little cars ever to be mass produced. (People who hated it said it looked like a “pregnant toaster,” but that was exactly why I loved it!) If you click the cartoon and embiggenate it, you will see that where those cars typically had a “Pacer” logo, mine says “Pie”. Other amusing-yet-tiny details are the Pacer’s license plate, which was issued in the state of “Fornia” and the truck’s, which is from a state called “Dohio”. As you can see from the small number above my signature, there are six secret symbols to be found in this cartoon, as well.
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Joining Twins

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by A Visit To A Town In Arkansas Called Flippin.Bizarro 07-12-15 hdr Bizarro 07-12-15 WEBHere’s an odd bit of punctuation fun. If you’re not familiar with punctuation and have never (or rarely) used it, it’s those little dots and dashes that sometime squeeze themselves in between words or hover magically above them. In this case, the little dash after the last “E” in Siamese is called a “comma” and changes the meaning of the caption. Without it, it would not be referring to a cat, which it is, but would instead lead one to believe I had used an outdated, non-PC term for conjoined twins. Which I have not. In spite of the impression your 7th grade English teacher gave you, punctuation can be fun.bz panel 07-06-15Way back last Monday I published this cartoon about mice. Part of what’s funny about it is that mice don’t wear clothes or enter the medical profession. bz panel 07-07-15At the risk of sounding immodest, I really like this little bait-and-switch optical illusion cartoon or whatever you want to call it. I think tiny people inside of desk intercoms are funny.bz panel 07-08-15For the most part, critics have been kind to me over the years. One key, of course, is that critics don’t critique cartoonists very often. The worst thing about critics, however, is that they feel they MUST say something negative, even in a positive review, to avoid the impression that they are ass-kissing. Lousy ones do little more than trash people.bz panel 07-09-15This witch/cop cartoon is another grammar-related thing, I guess. Some people think wordplay is lowbrow but I like it under certain circumstance. bz panel 07-10-15If you’ve ever had a chicken bone in your throat, this cartoon needs no explanation.bz panel 07-11-15This cartoon came to me as I was thinking about the story of Little Red Riding Hood. In the original story, as I recall, the wolf eats the grandma, nearly eats LRRH, then a woodsman shows up, cuts open the wolf and pulls the grandma out of its stomach thus saving her life. I think this is a terrible story to tell children because it inaccurately teaches them that wolves do not chew their food.
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Civilized Saucers

Bizarro 12-07-14 hdr Bizarro 12-07-14 WEB(Treat yourself to a larger version of these images by clicking them!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Perfect Gift.

Have you ever felt the need to run away from “civilization” and live a more natural life? It seems to me that there is little about civilization that is civilized and little about humans that is humane. Accordingly, I have found myself rethinking my choices in this world. It’s not that civilization is treating me badly, it most certainly isn’t, especially on a worldwide scale. It’s more about getting in touch with what I am, not what I’ve become as the result of social pressure and historical tradition. In my recent readings about the origins of human societies, I’ve begun to see that we are far from what we should be, and my instincts tell me that I’d be much happier and live a more meaningful life if I were more true to my nature. That’s where my head’s been at lately and why I wrote this cartoon.
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Basketboulder

Bizarro 11-16-14 hdrWEB Bizarro 11-16-14 WEB(Click any image for a bigger look!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Why Wash When You Can Bash?

My mind wandered recently about the beginning of basketball and wondered what they used for the ball before modern technology created what we now use. Going further back, I imagined this scene of a couple of cave dudes fighting over a boulder. Since I am not a terribly tall person (3’7″) I’m always last to be picked for basketball teams. That is, until they find out that I can fly, and also become invisible at will. Who’s laughing now, tall people?
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Archer Troglodytes Chasing Download Destruction

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Appetizing Image.

My first offering this week is a collaboration with my good friend and colleague, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I like this gag a lot. For the sake of accuracy, I have William reading the fourth line, in case you’re wondering which colors coincide with the names of the apples he is identifying. (more…)

Offensive Humor

bz panel 06-21-13bz strip 06-21-13Today’s Bizarro is brought to you by Language.

If you take a moment to think about what the first and last words the human species spoke or will speak, you’ll likely come to the same conclusion as this cartoon.

For years I’ve done a lot of thinking about “taboo” words in general. To the best of my estimation, profanity, cussing, cursing, whatever you call it, has its roots in archaic superstition. When I ask myself why certain words are off limits and how that tradition started, I can only think that it began in ancient times when certain words or ideas were thought to offend a god of some sort. Today, most modern people don’t give that as the reason that they are offended by certain language. The most common explanation is that “it doesn’t sound nice.” But is that not simply because we’ve been taught to believe those words don’t sound nice? (more…)

Screaming for Sex

bz panel 05-04-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Hot Babe in Hot Pants.

I’m one of those people who hates nightclubs. If I’m going to spend time in a bar, it has to be a reasonably quiet, neighborhood bar where I can have a conversation with a friend over a drink. As long as I live, I’ll never understand the attraction of a crowded room with music blasting so loudly that one has to shout to be heard. (more…)