Star Trek Godzilla Murder Complaint Nap

Bizarro 07-06-14 hedrWEB Bizarro 07-06-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Catzilla.

I have a long-time pen pal in Germany by the name of Michael Roth. He’s a writer and sometimes he writes cartoon ideas he’d like to see and every now and again I use one. He sent me some ideas about how outdated the “communicators” from the original Star Trek TV show would look to us now, and we finally settled on this treatment for it. If that’s not enough, I packed it with lots of background jokes, too, so click the image for a larger look-see. On the side of the pink truck is one of my Jazz Pickle, limited-edition T-shirts. If you missed this one, check out my most recent shirt,available for only TWO MORE DAYS! Makes a great gift for that person in your life who is addicted to lame TV shows or Justin Bieber. bz panel 07-03-14bz strip 07-03-14bz panel 07-04-14bz strip 07-04-14bz panel 07-05-14bz strip 07-05-14And don’t forget to drop by and say hello to Michael. (more…)

Invisible Gluten Table Monsters

bz panel 04-28-14bz strip 04-28-14bz panel 04-29-14bz strip 04-29-14bz panel 04-30-14-1bz strip 04-30-14bz panel 05-01-14bz strip 05-01-14Bizarro is brought to you today by A Kinder, Gentler Godzilla.

 

Apart from the amusing nature of a seemingly-floating cell phone, how many other cartoons give you the grandiose beauty of a scenic outlook in such realistic detail? Besides Dilbert, I mean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you gluten free? From what I’ve read, very few people actually have problems with gluten but the vast publicity it has gotten has caused an avalanche of psychosomatic symptoms. Never underestimate the power of suggestion on the human mind. Whatever works for you. (more…)

Cell Signals

bz panel 07-19-13bz strip 07-19-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Smoke Signals Over My Back Yard Last Week.

There was a time when I resisted getting a cell phone when most of my friends already had them. Even after I gave in, I rarely used it and it didn’t ring but once or twice a month because so few people had my number. Now, more than ten years later, I’m never without it. Not only do I never leave the house without it (unthinkable!) but I never leave the room without it. I carry it with me to the bathroom for a quick pee, I pop it into my pocket when I go out to check the mail. It’s amazing how these newfangled technologies worm their way into your life and you can’t live without them. It’s a lot like dating; you figure you’ll try it for a while and before you know it, you’re married. (more…)

Terror Cell

Bizarro was made possible today by Tough Customers.

Have you ever been to jail? I have not and confess that it is my greatest fear. Being incarcerated for even a few hours would drive me absolutely bat-shit crazy, which is likely why I can’t stand to see any animal of any kind in a cage of any kind unless it is only temporary transport to the vet or whatever. (more…)

‘Tater Brick Sketch

Bizarro is brought to you today by Couch Potato with Cheese.

This gag is a collaboration between myself and Andy Cowan, former writer for Seinfeld, Cheers, 3rd Rock from the Sun, and some other stuff. He had a different idea about what the last panel should say, or what you should call people who are always on their phone in public, but I won because it’s my cartoon. Sorry, Andy. (more…)

Desert Bach Honesty Cattle

Bizarro is brought to you today by Just Deserts.

I’ve been working hard on my new, live comedy show and I really hope some faithful Jazz Pickles show up to see me. Currently I’m booked in San Francisco on April 26, at 7pm and 9pm at The Dark Room in The Mission. Click here for info and tix. This is a very small venue and is already almost sold out, so get your tix now! (more…)

Primate Phone Snake

Bizarro is brought to you today by Herpetological Coif.

Hello, Bizarro Jazz Pickles. Today I bring you one of my favorite gags in a while, the “Planet of the Apps.” Early on, I tried to remain free from the reach of cell phones, but like most human earthlings, I failed. I was among the last in my circle of friends and relatives to get a phone (around 2001), insisting that I didn’t want to be that accessible. Once I got one, of course, I couldn’t remember how I lived without it. (more…)

Complete History of Time

(Be the coolest kid on your block and click the image above for a bigger view.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Water Retention.

In ancient times, people used to carry big, stone sundials around so they could tell the time. (Except for Mayans, who not only instinctively knew what time it was but also knew exactly when the world would end in the far, far distant future!) Ancient Times gave way to the Olden Days and the clock was invented. Now people could throw out their ugly stone slabs and carry  attractive grandfather clocks instead. Finally, along came the pocket watch and only a few hundred years later, someone thought to hook a strap to it for the wrist. We rejoiced in the streets and thought the future had finally arrived and we were smack-dab in the middle of it! (more…)