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Two Pairs

bz panel 05-20-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Two Heads.

My favorite part of this gag is the bottom caption, “Not A Typo.” My buddy, Cliff Harris the King of Wordplay, wrote this gag but as I was adding the balloon lettering I realized it looked exactly like a common typo. So I added the bottom and the joke came together for me in a new way. It’s mild, but I like it. (more…)

Big Feet, Big…

bz panel 05-18-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Big Camel Toe.

I’m a big fan of Bigfoot cartoons. I am not a believer, as you may have guessed, but I have a friend who is an ardent member of the congregation. Whatever fills your taco shell, right?

The idea for this cartoon came from my good buddy, part-time amateur counselor, and The King of Wordplay, Cliff Harris. Few people love to parse the English language more than this dude. Cliff missed his calling (and didn’t have voicemail) so he became a pediatrician, thinking that was a foot doctor. (This confusion led to his interest in language.) After a few decades of treating sick children (with special attention to their feet) he retired and is now writing clever books for kids (which incorporate some very clever language stuff) though he is yet to be published in that arena. I’ve read them and they’re boffo! I predict big things for you, Cliff! Best of  luck and get back to your keyboard!

Bear Necessity

bz panel 04-26-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Bathroom Humor.

If you’re one of my readers from a non-English-speaking society, you may have been puzzled by this. I don’t know if the old adage depicted in this cartoon is used anywhere other than the U.S., but here, if someone asks a question for which the answer is painfully obvious, like, “Is Congress full of spineless weasels who are owned by corporations and special interest groups?” the other person says, “Does a bear shit in the woods?” (Alternate versions reference the Pope being Catholic, the Pope being Italian, the Pope shitting in the woods, etc. I’m not sure in what ways the Pope is like a bear.) (more…)

Scratch But No Sniff

Bizarro is brought to you today by High Speed Billionaire.

This gag is a collaboration with my good friend, Cliff Harris The King of Wordplay. His original joke was the grocery list, which may cause some problems for my readers in other countries for whom English is not their native language. All of the items on that list are also slang terms for money. (Regarding the title of this post, “scratch” is another slang term for cash.) (more…)

Beak Wag

Bizarro is brought to you today by Dating Advice.

Today’s cartoon was a collaboration with Cliff Harris The King Of Wordplay. This one is subtle, but that’s what I love about it. I’ve known enough talking birds in my day to have eventually been convinced that many actually do understand a certain amount of language. They’re much smarter than we give them credit for, but then so is almost any species you can name. We humans are an arrogant lot, I’m afraid.

Now You See Her

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(To enjoy this cartoon at a possibly larger size, click on the magician’s butt.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sleeping Inside Out.

Ever wonder how magicians do that trick where they cut a live woman in half? As unpopular as this post will be with “magicians,” I’m going to explain it to you now: They actually cut a living woman in half but the trick is that they use a saw coated with quick-coagulating, self-healing medicine that immediately seals the woman’s body off so she doesn’t die. As long as he puts her back together before her lower half dies from not having a heart, she is fine. I guess I should have said SPOILER ALERT first. Sorry if this disillusions you. (more…)

Elderly Underwear Surgeon Evolution Cat Foot

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Tiny Pediatrician.

I had a good week in my personal life in that after over a year of living in LA, I finally screwed up the courage to go to the DMV and get my motorcycle and car driver’s licenses, and register my motorcycle in California. She now has a California plate and she couldn’t be more proud. Even more importantly, I don’t have to look over my shoulder constantly for the fuzz. Anyone want to start a bidding war over my old New York State motorcycle plate? I can sign it and draw a self portrait on it! (more…)

Dopey Pen Abe Coal Armor Bug

Bizarro is brought to you today by How To Build Your Own Sexless Dwarf.

Hello, Jazz Pickles, and welcome to this week’s cartoon round-up. My first cartoon today is a fun little twist on Lance Armstrong’s recent travails. For those who do not recognize that name, he won an unprecedented 7 Tour de Frances (a real hard bicycle race that lasts for days and days). Being the first person to ever come close to such a feat, and having done this after defeating testicular cancer, he was perhaps the biggest hero in sports history. Turns out he was doping in a wide variety of ways, officials inside whatever the international bike racing organization is called knew about it and not only turned a blind eye, but helped him. Wow. Just like that, Armstrong is now the Hitler of sports. Humans can be smarmy. By the way, this bit of fun fun word play was in collaboration with my good friend and The King of Wordplay, Cliff Harris. (more…)

Baby Snail Drown Balls Bra Slavery

Bizarro is brought to you today by Big Babies.

Welcome to another weekly roundup of Bizarro cartoons. For this first cartoon, I’ve included the strip version as well as the usual panel version because I put some extra work into the cereal boxes on the shelf and wanted to share them. Lots of “icons” to search for in this one–not that they are hidden. Click on the cartoons to see them biggerer. (more…)

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