Silent Security

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(A most rewarding experience awaits you when you click an image to embiggenate.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by What Exactly Are They Suggesting?!

Today’s cartoon has 8 secret symbols and a handful of background gags that are fun, so you’ll want to embiggenate it. (My favorite background gag is the truck.) The main gag is a bit of a populist joke––to borrow an oft-used term of late––because most people seem to dislike the cliche, public street mime, the sort I’ve depicted here. I’ve long been on record as a person who finds that clowns, mimes, and street performers of all kinds just make me uncomfortable. I go out of my way to avoid and ignore them. My apologies to any readers who are street performers. I don’t mean to disparage your chosen career or hobby, it just doesn’t work for me. Kind of like door-to-door evangelists.
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Uber Legume

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(For some real good embiggenation, click any image with your clicker deal.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Words of Wisdom From Yesteryear.

Hey, Jazz Pickles. Sorry for the delayed post, I’m out of town and things are wonky.

The cartoon above is a pun on the Uber phenomenon, which has revolutionized the taxi industry; cheaper and more efficient for the consumer, not a good thing for the traditional taxi folks. But that’s beside the point. The point here is a frivolous pun about Uber and goober. (Goober is slang for “peanut”.) The car is a Mercury Comet from the 70s. I like drawing vintage vehicles, especially oddball, goofy ones like this. The truck being used in this cartoon by Bunny’s Pie Repair is some kind of mid-century, British utility van that I found a picture of on the Interwebs. I don’t remember the name of it. Be sure to click on the image and embiggenate it to find the various background jokes and the secret symbols, which today number 7.
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Cave Trees

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(If it is embiggenation that you seek, click any man-made object in any cartoon.)Bizarro 11-29-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by A Favorite Holiday Bizarro Cartoon.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m not a person who enjoys what we Americans call “the holiday season”. I like Halloween but as soon as it is over the streets, shops, and homes of our communities are filled with songs and decorations that remind one at a glance of why suicide statistics shoot up at this time of year. I’ve known and lived with people who, like the woman in my cartoon above, cannot wait until the next opportunity to decorate their home like the set of an episode of Martha Stewart, and would likely have found a way to do so even tens of thousands of years before the holiday was even invented. I don’t mean to criticize those people; I don’t hate you, I just hate some of the things you love. There’s a big difference.
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Cat Fancy

Bizarro 05-31-15 hdrWEBBizarro is brought to you today by Creepy Love.

Just got back from a weekend in San Francisco, a city that Olive Oyl and I dearly love and would live in if it weren’t for the weather. Unless the sun is shining, I’m genetically programmed to be a serial killer, so I try to live where my neighbors and loved ones will be safe.
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Amputee Gore Explosion Unibat

bz panel 04-24-14bz strip 04-24-14bz panel 04-25-14bz strip 04-25-14bz panel 04-26-14bz strip 04-26-14Bizarro is brought to you today by My Great Grandmother’s Career in Criminal Justice.

I like this batch of three cartoons quite a lot and got some interesting mail regarding two of them.

The first cartoon about the Scarecrow’s difficulty with the horses of Oz attracted this email comment: “I enjoy Bizarro very much but as an old retired newspaper editor I can’t resist commenting on today’s strip.  Obviously you are a city kid.  Otherwise you would know that a straw man would never be eaten by horses.  Horses do not eat straw.  Horses eat hay.  Horses bed down in straw.  Horses poop in straw (which might be worse than being eaten).  But horses do not eat straw.” (more…)

My Valentine (comic)

bz panel 02-14-14bz strip 02-14-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Annual February Punch.

Happy Singles Awareness Day, Jazz Pickles!

I’m the sort of guy who feels sorry for hypothetical strangers, so Valentine’s Day always makes me a little sad for people who find the holiday making them sad. My advice to those of you who may be experiencing unwanted loneliness today not to let holidays invented by a greeting card company disturb your peace. (more…)

Reeling It In

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(To see any of these images larger, click them real good.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Men of Action!

Lately I’ve been doing some pretty realistic images for my cartoons. I don’t know why I’ve always been a fan of realism, perhaps it is simply the challenge of fooling the eye. As a contrast, I’ve posted a cartoon of mine from 1998 below, when I was in a period in which I was deliberately stepping away from realism and into much more cartoony-looking images. At the time, I intended to stay in that mode indefinitely but I found that I gradually drifted back toward realism over time, almost without noticing. Obviously, different gags require different styles of drawings and I think the one about ice fishermen above benefits from the realism whereas the one below might seem awkward if it were realistic. Still, I’m interested in what you Jazz Pickles think of these two different styles.  Which do you guys generally prefer: my realistic images or my very cartoony ones?biz11tsl (more…)

Love You To Death

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Love and Death.

Some may find today’s cartoon a bit morbid, but it is my firm belief that most elderly couples who’ve been together for decades secretly wish each other dead.

From an anthropological perspective, humans are not meant to be “married” for more than 20 years. The biological purpose of marriage and monogamy is to ensure the man that any child the woman has belongs to him and ensure the woman that she’ll have help raising her incredibly slow-growing offspring. But since we humans are impossibly complex, mutant apes, we’ve built myriad other functions and expectations into the marriage relationship. Now that we live so much longer than we used to, it causes problems. (more…)

Treaty Cop Lawyer Clown Profanity

(To view this cartoon more biggerer, click the scissors.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Jazz Pickle Tribute.

I know a guy somewhere in Texas named Brian Levy. He’s always suggesting scenarios from which a cartoon might be born. I like his suggestions because he doesn’t usually submit an punch line, but rather a concept that gets my brain bubbling. In this case, he suggested something like, “what if rock, paper, and scissors signed a peace treaty?” I love the result. (If you don’t understand this joke, you’ve never played “rock, paper, scissors.” If you’re in a country where people don’t play this, look it up on the Intertubes. If you’re in the U.S. and still don’t know this game, abandon your cave, return to civilization and ask the first person you see to explain it.) (more…)