Flaccid Headwear

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Smart Hat.

When I was growing up in the late 1900s, my parents didn’t believe in spending the extra money to get the name-brand fashion trends my sisters and I needed if we hoped to have any social traction at school. This taught us important lessons such as: Kids in Levis® and Dingo® boots are not always kind to kids in Montgomery Ward jeans and “Dango” boots from Larry’s shoe barn. In the cartoon above, it’s no mystery which style of balloon hat I would have been wearing around the park.
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Born Adults

Bizarro 05-22-16 HdrWEB

(A simple click of any illustration here will delightfully embiggenate it.)
Bizarro 05-22-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Enduring Myths.

Today’s Sunday cartoon is a soft joke but one that made me smile. The mythical notion of humans just popping up in life as full-grown, modern adults and trying to negotiate the world around them is always amusing to me, but this is a wrinkle I’ve never thought of before. The utterly casual callousness of Adam and Eve as the quintessential “new parents” is devilishly delightful: “Sorry kid. We have no idea what we’re doing, and how could we?” I felt that way with my first daughter, who was born a full decade before I had any business being a parent.
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Toothy

bz panel 07-10-13bz strip 07-10-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Our Lady of the Melons.

Here’s a bit of super-secret backstage gossip about this cartoon: I have some friends named John and Fiona and he’s a lawyer. I didn’t say the super-secret backstage gossip would be interesting.

Anyway, this is my covert way of finding out if my friends read my comics. If neither John nor Fiona say anything about this in the next few days, they’re off my Festivus list for good. (more…)

Flaming Fly

bz panel 06-18-13bz strip 06-18-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Where Cacti Come From.

There are few things more embarrassing for homo sapiens than to be caught in a lie, especially when it is accompanied by flaming trousers. For this reason, I wear flame-resistant underwear to protect my twig and berries. Sure, it makes my silhouette a little less flattering, but once I let go of a ripsnorter and my breeches burst into flames, I can relax in the confidence that my charred buttocks will not be on display for all to see.

Don’t Speak

bz panel 06-03-13Bizarro is brought to you today by What I’ve Been Saying For Years.

I’ve never been on trial but I’m sure it sucks. Worse yet, would be when trusted companions testify against you. All those years you thought that person was your confidant and loyal friend till the end, then suddenly, they’re telling your secrets to a public court. That would really suck. (more…)

Bitter Pachyderm Philtrum Swashbuckling Drinker Teen Whale

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Time Magazine.

“If you’re only reading the cartoons on BizarroBlog, you’re missing most of Piraro’s genius.”––Time Magazine

Okay, that never appeared in Time Magazine. But from some of the comments that readers make, I know that plenty of people are only scanning the cartoons briefly and skipping all of this delicious text that I pour so much of my heart and soul into. So I thought maybe a phony quote would encourage them to read on. Am I a bad man? Yes, but it has nothing to do with that phony quote. (more…)

Tempting Dance Chuck Undies

Bizarro is brought to you today by Weight Problems.

It’s been a busy week here at Bizarro International Headquarters. So much so that I barely got a chance to post on this blog today. In fact, I’m pressed for time right now, so let’s get to it.

1. Cinn-a-bon is a small restaurant chain I see a lot in shopping malls and airport food courts. A while back my manager, Jeff Topper, and I were kibitzing on the phone and came up with this idea together. I particularly like the devil asking if he can “hurt” the customer instead of help. A reader mentioned that the customer should have said the buns were “tempting.” Also a good caption but I like mine better. (more…)