Page 1 of 3123

Founding Boomerang Jumper Dog Stick Wig

Bizarro is brought to you by The Glories of Technology.

Today in my weekly roundup of Bizarro cartoons we begin with one that ran on President’s Day (in the U.S.).  People are fond of claiming that nothing gets done in Washington but the truth is likely closer to “too much” gets done in Washington. I’m not one of those people who believes that everything would be fine if the government did nothing other than raise an army, but I do think it would be nice if the Patriot Act was scrapped. And also the ludicrous TSA ban on liquids. (more…)

Lacto Piggy Rope Horn

(For a larger, more beautiful view of this cartoon, click the left eye of the man wearing the milk ski mask.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Creative Parenting.

Not long ago my tiny friend, Victor the Boy Genius, suggested some alternate milk fashions akin to the famous milk mustache ads everyone in America has seen in the recent years. I added to them and created this hilariously, humorously, hysterically funny comic. Oh my goodness, the laughs just keep coming. To add to his already terrifyingly overblown ego, I used a picture of him as the model for the cartoon boy in this cartoon. Good lard, I would not want to be around Victor the Boy Genius today. His head would be the size of Omaha. (For my foreign readers, that’s a stunningly beautiful city and a MAJOR tourist attraction in the middle of the United States somewhere.) (more…)

Pet Parking Eunuch Humping Loaf

Bizarro is brought to you today by Parenting.

I took some time off to travel but am happy to be back in my captain’s chair here at Bizarro International Headquarters.

Accordingly, here are a passel of cartoons to catch you up to date. First up is a cartoon that proved popular among readers. Personally, I never use my first pet’s name as a security question because, although I loved the dog, I never liked her name: “Penny.” I don’t have anything against the name per se, but my older sister picked it and so it seemed feminine to me. I was rooting for “Spike” or “Killer.” She looked not unlike the dog in this cartoon, except that her spots were brown. Like you care. (more…)

Juvenile Juice Java

Bizarro is brought to you today by Not Very Smart Car.

I’ve been a bad vegan today. I am sitting outside on my patio by the pool (I don’t have a pool, but I can tell by the sounds I hear that there is one just on the other side of the giant hedge that separates my tiny back yard from the house’s behind me) answering emails and writing this blog. A small housefly kept landing on my arm and bugging the crap out of me (which is what they do and where the verb “bug” came from) and I got fed up and smacked him. Okay, I smacked at him about 30 times before I finally connected, but the end result is the same: now it’s dead. Bad vegan. Bad! (more…)

Dr. Sheik Rabbit Highway Star Burqa

Bizarro is brought to you today by Super Mistakes.

It’s been a week since I’ve posted because I had to get ready to leave town for my show in Washington D.C. over the weekend, fly there, do the show, then come home. I’ve done all that now so I’m back at headquarters and blogging like a chimp with a new laptop. (more…)

Reaper Duck Stupid Rebel Hand Ball

Bizarro is brought to you today by Trojan!

The deadline gods conspired against me this week and I have had no time to post on this blog about my daily cartoons. I hope that next week will be less Sisyphussy. (NEW WORD ALERT!)  I think there are some good cartoons in this batch, but let’s let you be the judge. (more…)

Velvet Rope Baby Manual

Bizarro is brought to you today by Things You Should Not Do at the Mall.

Good day to you, Jazz Pickles, how is your hangover? Mine is rocking my cranium like Bandfinger in 1978, after all of the wild and wuzzy celebrations for the 27th anniversary of Bizarro yesterday. Man, I was up well past midnight just boogying down and keeping it real. Today, it is still so real that I can’t get it to leave the kitchen. I’m not even sure what it is. (more…)

Sunday Punnies #20

(To see this cartoon as big as Texas, click the pig’s belly.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Bearded Children.

My Sunday Punnies series appears every six weeks-or-so and features puns donated by readers for which I have devised (presumably) funny pictures. If you have an original pun that you think might make a good Bizarro vignette and you’d like to see your name in the newspaper (who wouldn’t?), this is your big chance! All you need do is follow the simple guidelines and tips below. (more…)

Big Nose Doggy Love

Bizarro is brought to you today by Frightened Humans.

The first few days of 2012 have got me thinking about new year’s resolutions. I’m not one to make resolutions and have not done so in decades. I figure if there is something about my life that needs changing, I just do it at a time that seems right instead of waiting until it’s time to open the new calendar. But clearly, this year calls for a different attitude. This year calls for some resolute action on my part. So I have but one resolution: to defeat the ancient Mayans and make it to 2013. Take THAT, spooky dead Indians. (more…)

Christmas Cavalcade O’Comics

Bizarro is brought to you today by Holiday Weekend!

I won’t spend a lot of time blogging today because I’ve got holiday events to attend. Since I don’t celebrate Xmas and I’m tired of Festivus, I’ve decided this year to give tribute to Kwanzaa. Some people are all, “that’s just a made-up holiday!” Well, guess what, genius, ALL holidays are made up, by definition. Nature doesn’t have holidays, you big goober. You probably feel silly now, don’t you? Well, you should but it’s the holiday season so let’s just move past that in the spirit of forgiveness. (more…)

Page 1 of 3123