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Horse Hat

(Make the smallerness disappear with one-click embiggenation.”)

Today’s Bizarro is brought to you by Creativity.

I’ve long been a person who likes hats. When drawing characters, accessories like hats and clothing add a lot to the information about the character. If you draw a naked person, the only thing that tips off the viewer as to what kind of character he/she might be is the hair. Without clothes, so much is hidden: the era the character is from, their social class, what kind of job they might have, whether they are introverted, extroverted, a dignified person of refined taste or a raving lunatic.
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Hey, Good Looking

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(If you want some biggerized comedy to gander, click the color blue on any image.)Bizarro 10-11-15 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Thrifty Knitters. 

Since I moved to LA a few years ago, I have become acutely aware of the fact that I am not nearly rich or good looking enough. Every community has its own vibe; Portland is about being hip and chill, New York City is about wearing black and basing your innate sense of superiority on your geographical location, and LA is about looking super hot in your Lamborghini as you sit in traffic for an hour on your way to a grocery store that is only one mile away. There are other vibes in LA, too, and millions of really good people, but it takes a concerted effort not to allow yourself to feel “less than” in your cheap, compact car and your average face and body. I’m just saying that if someone opened a funhouse mirror place that made everyone look like a movie star, it would be packed.
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Rodent Transportation

For the making of a biggerized image, click said image.
Bizarro 08-23-15 HdrWEBBizarro has NOT been brought to you today by Dismaland
Bizarro 08-23-15 WEBCoincidental to the publication of my Disneyesque Cinderella cartoon, was the opening a couple days ago of a very dark, strange, and elaborate art exhibition in England by world-famous guerilla artist, Bansky, called “Dismaland.” It’s not for everyone but I find it pretty amazing, particularly this reference to Princess Diana’s death. Banksy described the show as a “family theme park unsuitable for children”. To be clear, I knew nothing of the opening of this dystopian theme park exhibition; my publishing of a Cinderella cartoon today was entirely coincidental.bz panel 08-17-15Meanwhile, back in Bizarroland, a group of cowboys are fighting it out over the only horse in town. “One horse town” is an American expression referring to any remote, rural town that is so small it only has one horse. Or, in modern times, perhaps one car. In case you didn’t know.bz panel 08-18-15My buddy, Brian Levy, recently told me he was addicted to avocados and it sparked this idea. I didn’t name the main character Brian because I didn’t want to insinuate he has a drinking problem, but he later told me he wished I had used his name anyway. That’s just how desperate Brian is for attention. :^}bz panel 08-19-15Speaking of dismal, here’s a cartoon about the sort of travesty the fine art world is regularly involved in. Everything about this cartoon except the wording of the recorded tour is entirely true. I’d love to know what art historians will have to say about 20th century art in 500 years, assuming there is still a human civilization capable of caring about art.bz panel 08-20-15I particularly like this cartoon because I enjoy wordplay and strange grammar. My partner, Olive Oyl, can attest to how often I say things in alternative ways or intentionally mispronounce words. I find it amusing but I’m sure it’s quite annoying to the people around me trying to understand what I’m talking about. This can also pass as an editorial on lousy teachers, of which there are plenty. Teaching children, especially in public schools, is grueling, unenviable work and becomes more challenging each year. I think this makes the good teachers even more admirable and the lousy ones more understandable.
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Silly Sauce

Bizarro is brought to you today by My Dad and Me in 1974.Bizarro 06-21-15 hdrWEB Bizarro 06-21-15 WEBIf you’re wondering what this gag is about, it may be because you don’t know that an Appaloosa is a popular breed of horse. I only know this because I watched a lot of westerns with my dad when I was a kid, which, from my perspective, makes this a good cartoon for Father’s Day. Over the years I’ve often put a “Happy Father’s Day, Dad!” message along the border of my cartoons for this day but in this case I was unaware it would be Father’s Day when this published (I’m required to submit Sunday cartoons many weeks ahead of the print date) so it didn’t happen. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you, Dad!bz panel 06-15-15I’m not normally jealous of the lives of cats, but when I see them sleeping I often wish I could be as comfortable as they obviously are. The key is flexibility, I think, and I’ve never been a flexible person. I’ve been taking yoga a few times a week now for nearly three years and though I’ve improved a LOT, I’m still not very flexible by human standards. Just genetically cursed in that regard, I think.bz panel 06-16-15This dental one is a goofy gag and a goofy drawing but it made me chuckle so I offer it to you. Sometimes goofy is just what I need. On a side note, “Gene” seems like a terribly “white” name, doesn’t it? I’m guessing there aren’t many black men named Gene.bz panel 06-17-15One of the things I enjoyed about the many westerns I watched as a kid was the seemingly magical ability of Indians to track people. I especially liked it when they would put their ear to the ground and tell you how many riders were coming and how close they were. What?! I’m guessing that was a Hollywood fabrication but maybe some people could actually do that, what do I know?bz panel 06-18-15I like this gag a lot because I’ve always thought that the “official” American attitude towards sex and nudity causes a lot more problems than it solves. Having been raised in such a sexually repressive and puritanical society, I find myself uncomfortable with it, too, but that doesn’t keep me from seeing how ridiculous it is. Like author Chris Ryan, PhD., (Sex at Dawn) I suspect that the societal sexual oppression of teenage boys is what causes a lot of misogyny and abuse of women. If teenagers (of both sexes) were allowed to experiment with sex with proper birth control and disease protection, but without the negative stigma of labels like “slut” and all the antiquated religious nonsense that we’ve whipped up over the centuries, people would be better adjusted and society would be subjected to less aberrant behavior. Just my humble opinion.bz panel 06-19-15I first submitted this cartoon back in the 2000s, during W. Bush’s presidency and amid his whirlwind of lies about Iraq. My editor at that time wouldn’t let me publish it because he said I couldn’t say, in effect, that the president was full of shit, as it would lead to cancellations in conservative markets. Times have changed, however, and this time the cartoon sailed through without so much as an eyebrow twitch. I don’t know if it is because liberals are much less sensitive to derision than their conservative counterparts (which I believe is true) or if it is just a less controversial notion that all politicians lie. Back then, many Americans were on a patriotic witchhunt for anyone not supporting the war, too, so that might have been part of it. The editor who made that decision passed away some years ago so I can’t ask him.bz panel 06-20-15My last offering this week is this lovely festival queen. No back story here, just a little giggle.
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The Week in Wackadoodle

bizarro 01-11-15 hdr WEBBizarro 01-11-15 WEBbz panel 01-05-15bz strip 01-05-15bz panel 01-06-15bz strip 01-06-15bz panel 01-07-15bz strip 01-07-15bz panel 01-08-15bz strip 01-08-15bz panel 01-09-15bz strip 01-09-15bz panel 01-10-15bz strip 01-10-15Bizarro is brought to you today by My Favorite Kind of Drum Music.

My big Sunday cartoon today (click it to make it bigger) is about a topic that has been on my mind a bit lately. I ride motorcycles and a bicycle through the streets of Los Angeles and cannot tell you the number of times I’ve almost been mowed down by someone messing with their smartphone while they are supposed to be driving. Seriously, people, is your Facebook status or that text that just came in worth spending time in prison for manslaughter? But, like all dark clouds, there is a silver lining: I never wait in traffic lines anymore when I need to get over into a crowded lane. I just go past the traffic, then slowly and calmly move into the desired lane at the last minute in any one of several huge gaps left by people who are looking at their smartphones instead of moving when it’s their turn. Most of them don’t even notice I’m cutting in line because to do that, they’d have to be paying attention to what can be seen through the windshield of their car.
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Chiropractic Tarzan

Bizarro 11-30-14 hedrWEB Bizarro 11-30-14 WEB (Click the images to make them look bigger with suddeness.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Nothing a Can of Gasoline and a Match Wouldn’t Cure.

Sorry for the missing posts over the weekend. The site was wearing it’s cranky pants and wouldn’t let me post.

This is the most literal example of “gallows humor” you may ever see. And in the end, it isn’t dark at all, which sort of takes it out of the category altogether. Oh, the contradictions of life.
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Suey Horse Locker Hillbilly

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Bizarro is brought to you today by The Power of Art.

 

As with most things in life, Chinese food is about your point of view.

(That sounds like it means something deep but I’ve no idea what it might be.)

(Get a print of this cartoon here.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love Westerns but I always hate it when they shoot a horse. This cartoon doesn’t bother me as much, though, because when I was a kid I was bitten by a sawhorse and I’ve hated them ever since. (Get a print of this cartoon here.) (more…)

Circle Jerks

Bizarro 08-17-14 hedrWEBBizarro 08-17-14 WEB(For a less-small version of any of these comics, click them.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Count Barney.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is another of my scenes from the Old West. I’ve always thought idiots are inherently funny, probably because they make me feel superior. I’ve had my share of idiotic moments, too, though. Just yesterday I reached for my mustache wax and grabbed a barrel of napalm instead. I nearly destroyed my entire neighborhood. I got a big, hearty laugh out of it, though. (more…)

Cowboy Dung Barf Hospital

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Dung Beetle.

 

Here’s an interesting bit of history from the American Old West: before there were face lotions with sunscreen built into them, cowboys used to have to carry around a little plastic bottle of the stuff and reapply every couple of hours. That’s the only way they could stay young looking on the trail. (more…)

Riding Sinfully

Bizarro 06-15-14 hedrWEB (For a biggenized version of these cartoons, click them.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by How Many Ways Can You Spell “Boogie”?

The “header panel” at left is borrowed from a recent Sunday Bizarro cartoon that looked like this. Sometimes I do that. I really like this character based on Wild Bill Hickok so I used him again.
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