Guru Saucy DVD Crash

bz panel 10-23-14bz strip 10-23-14bz panel 10-24-14bz strip 10-24-14bz panel 10-25-14bz strip 10-25-14xBizarro is brought to you today by Karma.

 

What this cartoon does not show is the guru’s Craigslist ad. Here it is: “Lonely old geezer seeks topless housekeeper for cave tidying. Must be willing to accept karma as payment.” (Get a print of this cartoon.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s one of my favorite gags in a while. Possibly because I’m a big fan of medical marijuana and the concept of governments outlawing plants on the basis of corporate propaganda makes my head explode. Is there no end to the idiocy of the human race? No, there isn’t. (Get a print of this cartoon.) (more…)

OH SWEET HATE MAIL

bz panel 09-09-13 dummybz strip 09-09-13dummyBizarro is brought to you today by Quiet Flight.

I had a terrific time this weekend in Santa Rosa where I did a comedy show at a private seminar, and in Sacramento where I did a comedy “talk” at my buddy’s restaurant, The Plum Cafe & Bakery. It was fun to meet some new Jazz Pickles. Thanks to all of those who came out to see me this weekend and especially to the Cowan family for popping out on Sunday and having lunch with me before the talk. (more…)

Sproing Talk Acknowledgement Shred Pee Flake Underpants

(To enlarge this tragic moment in time, click the unfortunate diver’s butt.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hall and Oates.

I’ve done plenty of crash test dummy gags over the years and I’ll likely continue because it’s just so much fun. They’re such great spokesmen for the foibles of the human race. (Legal Disclaimer: I should say now that these are professionally trained stunt dummies and that you should not try this yourself, but I won’t. If you’re stupid enough to knowingly jump into an empty swimming pool, it would be better if you didn’t live long enough to reproduce.) (more…)

Mao Dummy Alien Cat Pee God Santa Nixon Crook

 

(To see this cartoon as big as China, click on Mao’s third button.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hover Cats.

I’ve been away for a while visiting my hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was asked to deliver the commencement address at their midterm graduation and had a ball doing it. As many times as I have spoken and performed in public, I was pretty nervous. Big crowd, lots of big brains, funny outfits, a giant basketball scoreboard with a live video feed of me talking hanging over the center of the room right in front of me. To top it all off, I couldn’t see my notes so I had to mostly wing it. I guess it went okay. (more…)

Pee, Pills, and Play

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Patriotmobile!

Today’s first offering is a timely cartoon about an enterprising young man who follows the sports world. But to be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about doping among professionals athletes.

I can understand the motivation to try to keep everyone on the up-an-up and free of performance-enhancing drugs but it clearly is not possible. So given that it has happened, is happening, and will continue, if adults want to risk damaging their own health in order to be better at their job, to have giant foreheads and muscles and shrunken genitalia, why should I care? The only damage I can see being done to society is that kids who look up to pro athletes and want to be like them might do the same thing without fully understanding the risk. But whose fault is that? Pro athletes do other things that are not recommended to children –– drive cars, have sex, drink alcohol, incur tremendous amounts of debt, dress like idiots –– but these activities are not regulated. And what exactly is a “performance enhancing drug”? Ibuprofen can alleviate pain and make an athlete perform better, but it isn’t illegal. I’m just saying it’s a gray area. (more…)