Apologies

Bz panel 07-04-13Bizarro is brought to you today by the Mullerm (mullet/perm combo).

bz strip 07-04-13Here in the United States, we are celebrating the day that our Declaration of Independence from British rule was signed. I sincerely hope that my British readers will not be offended. It wasn’t that we didn’t like you or thought you were, it’s just that this country has always been a magnet for yahoos and wackjobs and you’d just really have to be out of your mind to try to rule us, especially from a few thousand miles away. So it wasn’t you, we’d have done the same thing even if cuddly teddy bears and unicorns that pooped gold were in charge.

All of that has nothing to do with this cartoon by my guest cartoonist and good friend, J.C. Duffy. For more of his dazzlingly sparkly work, visit his blog-a-ma-bob here.

P.S. As promised, here’s an old cartoon of mine that a reader has requested seeing again. bz panel 09-15-05 cyclops

Oscar Turd Sex Feet Cheating Bra

Bizarro is brought to you today by the Academy Awards.

It’s been a lovely week here in Southern California, which is the biggest reason I live here. Sunny, 70+ degree weather in February is a drug you can’t buy from your local dealer. At least not that I’ve been able to find.

We start this week’s roundup with the cartoon I published the day after the Academy Awards. I wonder how many winners over the years have gotten so drunk at the after-parties that they ended up misplacing their statue. If anyone has heard a story about this, please share.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This cat cartoon is from personal experience. I recently discovered that if you cover your entire apartment floor with kitty litter, it eliminates the problem of your cat missing the litter box. You’re welcome.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And here’s a cartoon about that book everyone has been talking about, “Fifty Shades of Gray.” I don’t know what it’s about other than it has a lot of sex in it and so it is selling very well. Who knew that sex sells? You learn something new every day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I received an email this week about this cartoon asking me “what myth are you referring to?” The answer, of course, is the myth of Bigfoot, Sasquatch, the Yeti, the Abominable Snowman, Aunt Tammy, whatever they call it in your neck of the woods. This ditty was a collaboration with my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. He says this about that here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This next cartoon about a clandestine meeting between presumed lovers is my favorite of the week, I think. It has all the elements of cartoons that I love in that it depicts a moment in time that leads the reader through a story which, after reading and viewing, they must put together in their own mind. It still makes me smile.

 

 

 

 

 

My last cartoon of the week was this fun little ditty about a cyclops lady trying to buy a bra. Again, the reader is led to assume what’s going on, in this case that the lady’s eye is not the only thing she possesses in the singular that typically comes in pairs. The idea was suggested by a friend of mine who lives in the penis of the U.S. (Florida), so-called because of its shape and position on the map, not because of its function, in spite of the fact that Florida did f*ck the entire world in the 2000 presidential election.

I sincerely hope that you have enjoyed this week’s Bizarro comics. Please keep in mind that I offer these cartoons free of charge here on my blog but Bizarro is still my only source of income. If you enjoy the blog, please consider making a donation to my “tip jar” (upper right side of this page, under those two ads) from time to time and buying some of my crap, found here. And here. Contrary to common belief, I’m not rich and I am going through an expensive divorce. (Is there any other kind for men? I call it The Florida Penalty.) :o)