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bz panel 10-08-13bz strip 10-08-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Head Triptych.

This delightful image of a shortsighted sports enthusiast comes to us from the disheveled mind of my friend and colleague, Dan McConnell. Dan tells me he conceived of Super Head Ball Extreme from his own experience. Apparently, he regularly makes a sport of finding new ways to knock himself unconscious. And believe me, the world is a safer place when Dan McC is inanimate. You can see more of Dan’s art here.









PICKLED JAZZ:  Lurching back in time to 1989, I present to you this cartoon that was recently requested by a Jazz Pickle. I told him I couldn’t find it in my archives because it was too old so he sent me this nifty twenty-four-year-old newspaper clipping. It looks so…historical. bizarro-elevatorWhen I first drew this I remember thinking how fun it would be to set this gag up in an office building and tape it with a hidden camera.


bz panel 10-03-13bz strip 10-03-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Early Helmet.

If you enjoy watching people squirt things from their bodies, this sport is for you. My good friend and colleague, Dan McConnell, conceived of this cartoon during a visit to the alternate-world of hallucinations in which he spends most of his time these days. (A word to the wise, discount LSD is not always a good thing. You get what you pay for.) In McC’s exciting, inner world, men give birth instead of women and they’ve made a sport of it. Of course they did. That’s what we men do, even in McC’s catawampus world. For more about McC, check out his Front-of-your-head-book page.

I hasten to add that it has been observed many times that if men got pregnant, there would be more abortion clinics than Starbucks.








PALEOBIZARRO: Here’s another thing that men are good at; starting projects and never finishing them. I once made the colossal mistake of living in my house while my kitchen was being completely torn out and redone. It joins the list of things I will never do again, just above eating a homeless person’s shoes and right below shoving a live badger into my mouth. If you should ever find yourself dealing with a contractor, follow these simple translation guidelines to understand him better:

Contractor says: I can do it for x amount of money.   Means: Double or triple his estimate.

Contractor: It will take x amount of time.   Means: Triple or quadruple the time he quotes.

Contractor: I just finished a job so I can begin next Monday.   Means: A team of guys who don’t speak English will tear this up on Monday, then we’ll be back in a month to see what we’ve done.

And so on.Bizarro 05-11-08 ContractorWEB


Grim Twitter Smart Selfie Skeletons

bz panel 09-21-13bz strip 09-21-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Friendly Godzilla.

Okay, I’m still behind so the time has come to post multiple cartoons in a single post. Get ready for a wild ride.

I’ve done tons of Grim Reaper gags (as has every other cartoonist, except Jeff Keane in Family Circus) but this one really gives me a kick. I just love the deadpan nature of it. I’m guessing my pal, Cliff Harris the King of Wordplay got a kick out of it, too. It’s down his alley.






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Here’s a little cash register/Twitter humor. I really hate drawing store interiors because it’s so tedious filling in all of those products. On the bright side, it gives me a chance to hide some secret symbols and other types of “Easter egg” gags so it’s not all bad. bz strip 09-23-13









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And now we have a gag from my good buddy, Dan McConnell. He usually discusses these collaborations on his FB page but he hasn’t posted it as of this writing. I guess he’s waiting for me to post this. Anyway, check out his page and his other cartoons which can be found lurking thereon.








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What’s this? A cartoon collaboration with the gentleman mentioned in the first part of this post, Cliff Harris, the King of Wordplay. This is one of those rare ideas by Cliff that is not about wordplay, however. It’s more bone-play, but don’t take that in the wrong way. Cliff isn’t gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I’m particularly happy with the way the X-ray turned out in this one. Those things are kind of hard to draw very realistically and, unlike most cartoonists (not that there is anything wrong with that), I am sometimes obsessed with realism.









PREBIZTORICALS: Since I’ve been talking a bit lately about the art of cartooning, I thought this old favorite of mine from 2002 might be appropriate. This was SO much fun to draw as I had to imagine what the skeletons of various cartoon characters look like. I’ve seen this done since but I think I might have been the first. I hope so. I’d never seen it before when I did it, so my conscience is clear, at least. The one thing I’m not happy with here is the lighting; I think it is too harsh. If I ever print this one in a book, I might redo it.

Particularly loyal and observant Jazz Pickles will recognize me and my ex-wife, formerly known on this blog as CHNW. She’s not back for good, this is a temporary and incidental appearance, by the way.Bizarro 05-05-02 CartoonAnthropology




Forever Silent

bz panel 08-08-13bz strip 08-08-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Tragic Mistake.

Here’s a gag that is a collaboration with my pal and cartoon colleague, Dan McConnell. I like the simple concept behind this gag, that the mime spends eternity much the way he spent life––trapped inside an invisible box.

In my CLASSIC CORNER today, I feature a cartoon I did back in 2012 with a similar concept, but without the hands in the invisible box position. I like this newer version and think it is different enough to use it even though it touches on ground I’ve been to before. Check out Dan’s FB page for more of his work.








CLASSICS CORNER: Like I said panel 08-17-12 mime WEB

Hallmark Holiday

Bizarro 06-16-13 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Father of the Year.

Happy Father’s Day, Jazz Pickles. For years I’ve been putting a “Happy Father’s Day, Dad” message along the border of my Father’s Day cartoons but I forgot this year. But it wasn’t because I forgot my pop, it was because in past years I was using a paper calendar to see what date the cartoon I was submitting would appear in papers (my Sunday cartoons are drawn and submitted four to six weeks ahead of the print date) but this year I am using a calendar on my computer which doesn’t have holidays on it. I missed the margin note in my Mother’s Day cartoon for the same reason. Sorry Dad! (And Mom, a few weeks back.)

I am lucky enough to have a terrific dad. He was coach of my and my sister’s sports teams in elementary school, took an active interest in our homework and school scores, took us on elaborate car vacations. Even now, he’s one of my best friends. I say “lucky” because we don’t choose our parents, they choose us (in a way) and many people don’t have much luck in that area. Thanks, Dad.

Even though I didn’t know this cartoon was going to appear on Father’s Day when I drew it, it is a likely choice since it deals with fishing––something a lot of men like to do. I suspect it is as much about getting some peace and quiet away from the spouse and kids as it is about the fun of killing small, less-intelligent animals.

This cartoon is a collaboration with my good buddy and cartoonist colleague, Dan McConnell, himself the father of countless children all over the world. Most of whom he has never met.

I’m off to brunch with Klamelda now, since that’s what men of my age do on Father’s Day. Happy happy joy joy, Jazz Pickles!


Penal Paper

bz panel 05-29-13This episode of Bizarro is brought to you by Good Times.

I’m not particularly fond of drawing office scenes, especially opulent offices like the sort you expect from lawyers and judges. They’re tedious and boring. But I liked this gag from my good friend and colleague, Dan McConnell enough that I bit the bullet and did it. (Kids: do NOT bite bullets. It is cheaper to have your cheek pierced at a tattoo shop.)

Dan McC and I had a rip-snorting, out-of-control, balls-to-the-wall, cartoon-a-palooza good time at the National Cartoonists Society’s annual convention last weekend in Pittsburgh, as you can see by the photo below.McConnell




Okay, we’re not actually having a balls-to-the-wall good time in this picture, but Dan is a pretty quiet guy and it’s hard to find a picture of him having fun. Climbing up on a planter is about as wild as he gets.

Here’s Dan’s Facebook page on which he posted his original version.

Omnibus Bizarro

bz panel 05-07-13Bizarro is brought to you by My New Desktop Image.

I’ve been so busy this week that I have neglected my blog. I have brought shame upon my entire village. I know that I can never adequately compensate my dozen-or-so readers who have searched in vain for a new Bizarro cartoon all week, but I can, at least, rectify the situation by posting the week’s adventures here and now.


1. This cartoon is about a standard and traditional cartoon element, the thought balloon. If you don’t get it, form a similar bumpy bubble above your own head and fill it with the words, “What’s wrong with me?”bz panel 05-08-13





2. My own recent experiences with so-called “support” payments as the result of a divorce led me to this simple wordplay. The artwork the lawyer has hanging on the wall of his office is symbolic. I will leave you to determine of panel 05-09-13








3. My lovely colleague and friend, Dan McConnell came up with this jolly bit of wordplay. He’s a funny guy and not “funny” in the way that a neighbor “was acting funny so I thought I’d call the police” and turns out to have an apartment full of explosives,  just funny in the harmless, cartoonist way. bz panel 05-10-13









4. There are two kinds of artists in the world: those who enjoy drawing super-high-tech, realistic, sci-fi robots, and those who enjoy drawing corny, old-school, clunky robots. That’s right, I am the former. The thoroughly-researched, high-tech, futuristic robots featured in this cartoon will be the living nightmare of all who dare to stand in their way in the cyborg-controlled future of 2020. You have been panel 05-11-13







5. My last bit of buckshot this week is this dandy little bamboo bar cartoon about the panda who needs a good, stiff stalk. And then some.

My known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh concocted this notion. He says some informative and amusing things about this bambooholic here.

















A Wasted But Amusing Life

Bizarro is brought to you today by Life!

I have mixed feelings about the Internet. On the one hand, it is clearly the most life-changing and useful tool that human kind has invented since the wheel. (Thanks, Al!) On the other hand, because of it, we all lose years of our lives looking at mindless entertainment like cute cats, funny videos, and porn. Am I glad I grew up in a time before it was available? Yes; I spent a lot of time outdoors exploring the world from micro to macro, which I would not have done had I been given access to a computer. Now that I have it at my disposal, would I want to live without the Internet for even a single week? No. Not a chance. Back away from my computer or I’ll stab you with these scissors.

Perhaps the answer is somewhere in the middle. Maybe I’d waste less time if I could find a site that offered funny cat porn.

This cartoon was a collaboration with my good buddy and cartoonist colleague, Dan McConnell.

Ice King

(For an embiggenated version of this cartoon, click on the penthouse apartment at 439 East 57th St.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Dignity in Death.

This cartoon was a bear to draw. I didn’t want an unrealistic city scene and couldn’t find just the right photo reference, so I built the entire city of Manhattan in actual size and took my own pic. It took me 388 years. You can visit it here.

The concept for this gag came from my good friend and cartoon colleague, Dan McConnell. He loves him some Sno Cones and is something of a big ape himself, so it was likely inevitable that he came up with this combo.

Founding Boomerang Jumper Dog Stick Wig

Bizarro is brought to you by The Glories of Technology.

Today in my weekly roundup of Bizarro cartoons we begin with one that ran on President’s Day (in the U.S.).  People are fond of claiming that nothing gets done in Washington but the truth is likely closer to “too much” gets done in Washington. I’m not one of those people who believes that everything would be fine if the government did nothing other than raise an army, but I do think it would be nice if the Patriot Act was scrapped. And also the ludicrous TSA ban on liquids.







This cupid cartoon was written many months ago and I meant to use it on or around Valentine’s Day but I forgot. So here it is late. I hope people still get it. (kidding) This was the brainchild of my good buddy and colleague, Dan McConnell.







Have you ever thought about what method you would choose if you were going to kill yourself? Don’t worry, thinking about suicide is normal, it’s when you actually buy the supplies or compose the note that you have something to worry about. I’m a big believer in suicide as a logical alternative when you’re old, too sick to ever get better, in pain, tired of it all. Why not check out on your own terms? I’m a big advocate of the legalization of physician assisted suicide. The real tragedy of suicide seems to me to be the people left behind. If I’m suffering and the end is inevitable, I think my survivors would rather see me die with dignity than waste away. That’s just my two cents and has nothing to do with this cartoon, really.







I only had one dog as a child and she ran away when she got old and never came back. It happened while I was away at college. Or at least, that’s what my parents told me. Hmmm.








One of my buddies from Texas, Brian Levy, asked me what kind of chalk outline a stick figure would get and that was the birth of this cartoon. It occurred to me that the worst way to kill a stick figure would be a gun because you’d have to be such a good shot. A knife or an eraser would be much easier.





At the risk of seeming immodest, I confess I’m in love with this drawing. There’s something about the way the eagles look that really floats my taco. I love the proud posture on the bewigged eagle as he ignores the comments of his companion and the judgmental attitude of the critic. I hope you enjoy it, too. On a different note, I’m losing my hair but have no intention of wearing a toupee. If I did, I think it would be a rainbow afro. I probably wouldn’t be fooling anyone anyway, so why not go for the gold?

If I find the time (and I will!) I’ll post my Sunday cartoon for this weekend soon. Have a great weekend, unless you’re reading this after the day that I’m publishing it, in which case I hope you have a nice weekend next time one rolls around.

Ciao for now, Jazz Pickles.

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