Drive By

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(Make any of these images embiggenated by arching your back and clicking on them.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Sneaking Up On A Glyptodon.

As you likely know, those “street view” images you can find online of just about any address in the civilized world are taken from contraptions attached to the tops of cars that just drive all over the world taking pictures of everything they pass. Some famously funny things have been captured by those pictures and they just lie quietly in wait on the Interwebs until people begin discovering them and spreading the word. There are gobs of pages dedicated to the funniest, strangest, most tragic things captured on Google Street View, which you can find by, of course, googling the topic.
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Crawling Through Cliches

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(A desire to embiggenate can be satisfied by clicking any of these cartoons.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by The Simpson’s Shout-Out to Jazz Pickles.

As I’ve said before on this blog, I enjoy doing cartoons within the canon of popular cartoon tropes like the desert island, the shrink’s couch, the man crawling through a desert, etc. Here I combine two of them and use another trope: the self-referential cartoon. Self-referential cartoons can be dangerous because if they’re too easy––a character simply noticing he is in a cartoon without anything more substantial to say about it––it can elicit a groan. I hope not too many people groaned at this one. I thought it was fun.
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Jobs Imposter Indians Indians

bz panel 07-14-14bz strip 07-14-14bz panel 07-15-14bz strip 07-15-14bz panel 07-16-14bz strip 07-16-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Immigration Ego Battles.

This first cartoon was inspired by the fact that I’ve got a couple of very smart, hardworking, talented, adult daughters who found it very difficult to find meaningful work when they graduated college. Of course, their degrees in 16th century transportation innovations of the Berbers, and Poetry of the Malagasy Republic may have something to do with it, but still. You’d think someone would want to hire these amazing young women that I personally groomed to be valuable contributors to the planet. Even so, I’m happy to report that both are living indoors and eating daily and that neither has ever worked for life-destroying corporations like McDonalds. (more…)

Riding Sinfully

Bizarro 06-15-14 hedrWEB (For a biggenized version of these cartoons, click them.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by How Many Ways Can You Spell “Boogie”?

The “header panel” at left is borrowed from a recent Sunday Bizarro cartoon that looked like this. Sometimes I do that. I really like this character based on Wild Bill Hickok so I used him again.
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Git Along Gals

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Purdy Dresses.

 

A good buddy of mine and a talented stand-up comic, actor, and cartoonist, Michael Capozzola, and I collaborated on this gag. Funny thing is that over the years a number of readers have suggested a cowboy walking into a salon thinking it was a saloon but I never felt it was enough all by itself to support the gag. Michael came up with the pun independently, but his idea to have the hombre identify himself as “half blind” and “illiterate” put it over the edge for me, so I drew it. Here’s multi-talented Michael’s multi-talented web site. Have a visit. (more…)

Dog Bless

bz panel 01-16-14bz panel 01-17-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Do NOT Click on This Picture of a Half-Naked Woman.

Have you ever been crawling in the desert, wishing you had something to drink? Neither have I nor has anyone I’ve ever known or been related to, but apparently it happens a lot because there are tons of cartoons about it. We cartooner types love to find a new angle on the classic cartoon motifs so here’s one about that guy who crawls in the desert.  It reminds me a bit of a joke my dad told me when I was a kid. It was something about a guy going into a bar and seeing a bowl of peanuts with a sign that said “Peanuts, $1,000,000 each.” The guy tells the bartender those peanuts are never going to sell at that price and he replies, “I only need to sell one.” This is where I would laugh. (more…)

Not a Garage Sale

bz panel 11-09-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Relaxing Saturday Afternoon Tea Party.

I suspect that most of the people who read my cartoons on this blog don’t actually read the hilarious and thought-provoking copy that I add alongside. So, just for you, my most precious and loyal Jazz Pickles, I will tell you a super exciting secret. In January I’ll be launching a Bizarro podcast! It will be called the Bizarro Podcast and it’s going to be awesome. All of the same hilarious and thought-provoking irreverence you’re accustomed to on this blog, but with my hilarious and thought-provoking voice and personality to boot. (Where the hell did “to boot” come from? Strange expression.) (more…)

Cartoon Cross-Breeding

Bizarro is brought to you today by Cartoon Hybrids.

There is an unwritten repertoire of cartoon themes into which just about any one-panel gag cartoonist will dip occasionally. The guy-crawling-through-a-desert is one, some other examples are someone-stranded-on-an-island, the psychiatrist couch, guys-chained-to-a-wall-in-a-dungeon (which I’ve never done because it disgusts me), fish-evolving-and-walking-up-a-beach, and ventriloquists. This cartoon combines two of the popular themes in a way that amuses me. If you’ve not seen many of the old-timey time ventriloquists, one of their favorite tricks was to make the dummy talk while the ventriloquist is drinking a glass of water. This is impossible, of course, and is irrefutable evidence that the ventriloquist has sold his soul to the devil in return for a dummy that can actually talk. Sure, it’s great for their career but they will be sorry when they burn in the fires of hell for eternity. Other examples of people who have sold their soul to the devil in return for celebrity are Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Vanilla Ice, Pauley Shore, the  entire cast of “Jersey Shore,” Honey Boo Boo’s mom, Bill O’Reilly, all of the Kardashians. (more…)

Cavalcade of Comedy Carnage

(To see a much big version of these cartoons, click them why don’t you?)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Where Have I Been?

Good gravy, Jazz Pickles, it has been a long time since I posted on my blog. I’ve been running around the Non-East Coast on a small comedy tour and that stuff is time-consuming, brain-eating, and deadline-threatening. But I’m almost caught up on life so I’m back to posting. Here now are a jilliondyfive cartoons to get you caught up on everything that has published since I last posted. Whew! (more…)