Fourteen Smiles

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(To enjoy the embiggenation of these images, click on any object with corners.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Odd Body Parts

Because I was out of town last week and did not post my week’s cartoons, this post includes TWO WEEKS OF CARTOONS!

Let us begin with last Sunday’s double-wide comedy cavalcade about a lab scientist doing some kind of experimenty thing that ends up switching his own head with that of a house cat’s. If you’ve ever had this happen, you know how funny (and embarrassing!) this can be. What’s more, the cartoon has 8 secret symbols, so click it, embiggen it, and commence counting.
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Ape Creep Athlete Finger

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Bizarro is brought to you today by How Hair Grows.

I’ve been watching the new Cosmos series on Fox television recently and it’s really wonderful. I highly recommend it to anyone of any age with a working brain. They discuss evolution quite a bit, of course, since it is the way the entire universe more-or-less works, so this gag appealed to me. (more…)

Devil in the Details

bz panel 10-05-13bz strip 10-05-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Devil.

You might not think you’d find the cleanest kitchen in the universe in Hell, but you’d be wrong. If you visit the correct part of Hell, you’ll find this one, kept immaculate by one of Satan’s mop-wielding minions. Of course, anyone who actually believes in Hell likely believes that cockroaches don’t get any kind of afterlife because they are not the chosen, magical, super-cool beings that we humans are, but my cartoons do not discriminate. If one species gets eternal ecstasy or torment, they all do. Good cockroaches––the kind that do good for others, don’t have premarital sex, abstain from intoxicants of all kinds, and pray to the One True God regularly––will live in a filthy kitchen with plenty of rotting snacks available 24/7, while the others go to this place. Makes you think, doesn’t it? (If so, I’d love to know what the hell you’re thinking about.) (more…)

French Wine Vote Flash Bowl

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hamsters Gone Wild.

Here in the United States of America, we celebrate our Independence from British tyranny each July 4th. We do this by staging mock, decorative war in the skies over our towns and cities. If these faux wars are this beautiful, imagine how breathtaking real war must be! (more…)

Cavalcade of Comedy Carnage

(To see a much big version of these cartoons, click them why don’t you?)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Where Have I Been?

Good gravy, Jazz Pickles, it has been a long time since I posted on my blog. I’ve been running around the Non-East Coast on a small comedy tour and that stuff is time-consuming, brain-eating, and deadline-threatening. But I’m almost caught up on life so I’m back to posting. Here now are a jilliondyfive cartoons to get you caught up on everything that has published since I last posted. Whew! (more…)

Monkey Shines for the Lord

Bizarro is brought to you today by Gorgeous Surfaces.

Today’s offering is a fun little ditty about the power of creative thinking. This is one of my buddy Wayno‘s concoctions that was inspired by one I did a few months back. These chimps are very time consuming to draw and I’m a super-busy, super-important big shot, so I plopped this image together on computer using elements from the earlier cartoon. I still had to redraw certain elements fairly extensively, but using some of the older cartoon saved me a lot of time. Which I used to do super-important things. Cartoonists do this sort of thing all the time but they rarely admit it. But you and I have no secrets, so I’m copping to it without hesitation. (more…)

Wayno World

Today’s Bizarro is brought to you by A Guest Caroonist.

A few months ago, I employed my good buddy and favorite collaborator, Wayno, to do a week of cartoons for me as a guest cartoonist. He refused at first but then I showed him the pictures I had a private investigator take of him and Jim Davis frolicking together on a nude beach in the Caribbean, and he relented. This kind of trickery is the only way a cartoonist like myself can get time off. Syndicated folks like me have to provide 365 cartoons each year for decades on end without rest. If I were to submit reruns for a week and take some time off, many of my client editors would run replacement strips instead, thus risking losing my place in that paper permanently. In this economy (and with my meager income) I can’t risk that. (more…)