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Dummy Drawings

Bizarro is brought to you today by Horse In The Road.

Bizarro 06-28-15 hdrWEB

I’ve been on holiday for a couple weeks (SO rare for me!) and so now that I’m back at headquarters I feel as though I’ve been thrown from a speeding car onto a highway full of emails. Ugh.

Meanwhile, here are the cartoons that published while I was away and that I’ve not posted here yet.Bizarro 06-28-15 WEBBreaking up is never fun, even when one of you is made of wood and plastic. Bizarro 07-05-15 hdrWEB Bizarro 07-05-15 WEbHere’s another in my ongoing series of Sunday Punnies, which are puns that readers send to me and I figure out a funny way to illustrate them. Congrats to Dennis Barley, Kelly Cox, and Ed Saugstad for submitting this batch! Side note: The bunny in the title panel and at the top left of the Sunday Punnies is not the usual Bizarro Bunny, but her boyfriend, Sterphen. (That’s not a typo, that’s how he spells his name.)
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Belated Blog Day

Bizarro 03-29-15 HdrWEBBizarro is brought to you by What Could Go Wrong?

My blog has been wonky for days which is why I’ve been absent from posting last week’s cartoons but now I’m happy to say it’s feeling better.

Bizarro 03-29-15 WEBYes, that’s me in one of my Hitchcock-inspired cameos (click the image for a larger view) engaging with what is one of my pet peeves: people who consume more resources than necessary in an increasingly fragile environment. You readers outside the U.S. may not realize that American families with one or two kids in a giant, condo-sized SUV is the standard in America. It’s fairly unbelievable how many of these behemoth vehicles there are on the road and equally incredible how few people actually need them. Now, you may be saying, “I need mine –– I have two kids and groceries and strollers and sports equipment, and…” but what you actually mean is “A car the size of a school bus is convenient for dragging lots of crap around all the time but I could do with a small stationwagon or hatchback like everyone else in the rest of the civilized world does, and everyone in America did before SUVs became standard.” Just a friendly, preachy reminder that we’re all in this tiny, sinking boat together and putting your own comfort and convenience ahead of the entire species is maybe not the best way to go.
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Prank Blog Breakup Cauliflower

Bizarro 12-28-14 hdr Bizarro 12-28-14 WEB(For a larger view, click any dang image in this post.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Santa Gives Birth.

I hope you all had a happy holiday thing, whatever that might mean for you. As for me, I couldn’t be happier that it’s over. In spite of my affinity for the occasional stage performance, I’m actually an introvert and so the rapid succession of parties and family get-togethers really takes a toll on me. I’m looking forward to a few months without obligatory socializing.
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Love Amputation Kids Computers

bz panel 11-20-14bz strip 11-20-14bz panel 11-21-14bz strip 11-21-14bz panel 11-22-14bz strip 11-22-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Computer Anatomy.

As my regular readers know, I’ve been through two divorces and cannot recommend the experience. All that is in the distant past now but now and then a nice divorce gag occurs to me. When your job is coming up with a fresh gag 365 days a year, anything that goes into your head is likely to come back out later as a cartoon or twelve.
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Holiday Hangover

bz panel 07-28-14bz strip 07-28-14bz panel 07-29-14bz strip 07-29-14bz panel 07-30-14bz strip 07-30-14bz panel 07-31-14bz strip 07-31-14bz panel 08-01-14bz strip 08-01-14bz panel 08-02-14bz strip 08-02-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Attack of the 50 Foot Boy.

The adorable Olive Oyl and I were on vacation last week and though we have been back since Monday, I’ve had no time to post here because this past week has been a hectic whirlwind of chaos, mayhem, and shenanigans of all kinds as I try to get caught up. As anyone who’s ever had a vacation knows, getting back into the rhythm of “real life” after you’ve spent seven days drinking margaritas from noon till midnight is like trying to put a giraffe in a car without a sunroof. Yes, that is a clumsy analogy but I’ve been drinking tequila all day, every day for a week and my brain is soft. For anyone who cares, we had an amazing time and here’s proof. (more…)

Community Tastebuds

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Finger Hostage.

 

 

I could swear I’ve done this gag before but I couldn’t find any evidence of it so here it is either again or for the first time.

I’ve always wondered why people ask a waiter which dish he/she likes better. Few things are as subjective as the way food tastes in one’s mouth. (more…)

Till Attrition Does Us Part

bz panel 06-15-13bz strip 06-15-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Wedding Cake Nightmares.

I would not be surprised if a wedding cake topper like this is actually being marketed somewhere. In researching wedding cake images for this cartoon, I found tons of non-traditional ones. Some are disgustingly cute, others are alarmingly odd. Some are pornographic, while this one is rather admirably surreal. What this one is about, I’m afraid to ask. (more…)

The Ex Factor

bz panel 06-07-13Bizarro is brought to you by The Next Cake.

At my ripe old age, after several decades as an adult and two divorces, I’m pretty cynical about marriage. For years, when I have (reluctantly) attended the wedding of people in their 20s, I cannot help but think to myself, The first marriage is often the most important. I try to keep these thoughts to myself in the reception line, however, and just offer them my congratulations. (more…)

Identity Thieves

bz panel 06-05-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Couples Who Look Alike.

They say that if a couple is together long enough, they begin to look like each other. The couple in this cartoon has taken that to another level.

The truth is that because of a biological phenomenon called “imprinting” (which occurs in most species) we tend to be attracted to people whose faces resemble those we imprinted on when we were infants. That is most often a family member, so we grow up unknowingly being attracted to people with similar coloring and facial organization as ourselves. When people get old, they lose their sexuality to some degree and men and women look more androgynous, at which point, elderly couples can often look like siblings. Now, before people start writing in saying, “Not true. My husband is a 300-pound black man and I am a 79-pound, blonde eskimo,” I’m not talking about every single couple. It’s just a rule of thumb and once you learn it, you’ll begin seeing it in the couples around you, young and old. Maybe even in your own relationships. (more…)

Serious Comedy

bz panel 05-22-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Deep Thoughts.

We all grow up being taught myths about life: our country is always right, God is watching over you, hard work will yield wealth, justice will prevail, the police are your friends, the people inside the TV cannot actually see you, marriage is forever. The list goes on and on. (more…)

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