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Crime 11 Awareness Geriatric

bz panel 06-26-14bz strip 06-26-14bz panel 06-27-14bz strip 06-27-14bz panel 06-28-14bz strip 06-28-14Bizarro is brought to you today by House Pets.

What I like most about this armed robbery cartoon is imagining the robber saying all of this very matter-of-factly, the way someone might end a sentence with “yada, yada, yada”. Tons of people have real-life excuses for bad behavior but there is growing evidence that we don’t have nearly as much free choice as we think we do. Many scientists are beginning to suspect that given our specific DNA wiring, we are compelled to make the decisions we make––good, bad, and indifferent––and there is little we can do about it. Our brains simply tell us that this is the best course of action at the moment and we do it, thinking we made a “choice”. This notion is radical and counterintuitive, to say the least, but it might well be true. Oops…there goes another tenet of traditional human religions. (more…)

Hedgehog Wink Angry Naked

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Bizarro is brought to you today by For Injured Pickles.

 

It is Wednesday and that means that we can no longer do things on Tuesday of this week. I say that because I planned to get some gardening done on Tuesday, but now I can’t. Still, here’s a gardening cartoon that may make the edges of your mouth move upward a fraction of an inch. (more…)

Vowel Whoa Blow Text Stumps

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Bizarro is brought to you today by WHAT?

 

This first cartoon is perhaps a bit of a “groaner” to some, but I still think it’s a clever gag so I went with it. I’m glad I did because I really love the woman’s face. Something about it makes me happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Old West’s version of the four-way stop is a recent favorite of mine. I love doing cartoons about the Old West and this is something I’d not seen before. I’m also driven crazy by other drivers who can’t figure out how four-way stops work. Or, it’s their turn and they wave everyone else by because they’re too timid to enter an intersection with others watching. (more…)

Aging Bones Spinning Bags

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Memorable Library Books From My Childhood.

Somewhere on the Interwebs is a deal where a guy did a time-lapse video of his daughter from birth to much later. That inspired this cartoon about Lisa Simpson, who is 24 years old this year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I go to the doctor as infrequently as possible. I think it is a key to good health. Once every few years I pay him to stick his finger into my anus, though, not because I’m worried about my health but because I think it builds character. (more…)

Archer Troglodytes Chasing Download Destruction

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Appetizing Image.

My first offering this week is a collaboration with my good friend and colleague, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I like this gag a lot. For the sake of accuracy, I have William reading the fourth line, in case you’re wondering which colors coincide with the names of the apples he is identifying. (more…)

Beiber Dogs Dog

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Real Men Sleep in a Suit.

 

I’m not a big fan of Justin Bieber but that may be because I’m a cranky, old geezer. Or, it could be that  I need more substantive music. Or, it may be that I hate anyone who is rich, famous, and has a full head of hair. Or, it could just be that I am petty and resent him because he did what I could not––become a wealthy, teen-age sex symbol by the age of 15. Such is human nature. (more…)

Flying Dead Geezer Brain

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Bizarro is brought to you today by But What If I Have One?

 

 

As funny cartoons about dogs go, I think this one holds its own. What’s funnier than a dog trying to fly? As I write this, I’m pondering whether I’d rather have a dog that can fly or one that just stands up and flaps his arms. I think the latter would be more fun, although the former would be more lucrative. (more…)

Falling Depth Arm Philosophy

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Happy early April, Jazz Pickles. I’ve been as busy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs lately as I plan to escape Bizarro International Headquarters next week for a bit of time off. Yes, even super-human cartoonists need time off from comedy from time to time, so I’ll be going where nothing is ever funny: Oklahoma. (more…)

Where The Heart Is

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Yes. Obviously. Duh.

 

 

Here’s one of those rare cartoons that came from my own personal experience. It documents how I lost my medical license, which is why I became a cartoonist. I’ve yet to fully replace my income as a surgeon, however.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you heard any of my music? I have four original songs on this EP and I’d love it if you gave them a listen and enjoyed them thoroughly. It’s not a money-making project, for sure, but the songs cost 99 cents each. SO CHEAP compared to all the laughs I’ve given you over the years! Find it on Amazon, iTunes, or any of those streaming things like Spotify. They aren’t comedy songs, but some of the lyrics are perhaps a bit amusing. Here’s one from a song on this album called “Brooklyn”–– (more…)

Tattoo Find Funny Age Gumby

bz panel 03-08-14bz strip 03-08-14Bizarro is brought to you today by a Prison For Bearded Children.

We start this post with last Saturday’s cartoon, which I have not posted yet because I was on a secret CIA mission to the moon. It was lovely up there but I was almost killed by secret agents from somewhere in the Andromeda galazy. Damn, it’s exciting being a cartoonist. (more…)

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