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Kick it Good

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I got some questions about this cartoon, which I knew I would. Not least of which were Klamelda and my mother, both of whom were a little puzzled.

From time to time I’ve enjoyed doing strange cartoons that don’t have an obvious meaning. This one somehow relates to the phrase “kicking the bucket,” which means “to die.” Since this guy’s bucket is one of a man half his age, he likely won’t be dieing soon, I guess. I think. I don’t know. You figure it out and let me know.

Party People

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Sorry for the absence, Jazz Pickles. I’ve been out of town for four days at our annual National Cartoonists Society’s convention. This year it was in Pittsburgh and we had a blast.  Here are the two cartoons I missed posting last week after I’d gone, plus a few highlights and pictures from the Reubens (as we call our yearly get-together.) (more…)

Eyes on the Prize

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In detective dramas, a little cash often improves someone’s memory. Some brainy researchers at a famous medical institute decided to test if this same principle would apply to other sorts of human functions and got some interesting results. In a study performed on 627 people with a variety of conditions from poor eyesight to dry skin to arthritis to bullet wounds to the head, they found that virtually every patient who received money claimed to feel better and asked for an ongoing cash-injection treatment program. One patient, a germaphobe, refused to take the “filthy, disease-ridden” cash, but this result was not common and classified as an anomaly. (more…)

Omnibus Bizarro

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I’ve been so busy this week that I have neglected my blog. I have brought shame upon my entire village. I know that I can never adequately compensate my dozen-or-so readers who have searched in vain for a new Bizarro cartoon all week, but I can, at least, rectify the situation by posting the week’s adventures here and now. (more…)

Teeth Pie Cat Marriage Pain Sleep

 

 

 

 

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Previous Pie Perpetration.

As predicted, the second cartoon in this lineup, which appeared in papers on Tuesday, confused a lot of readers. To understand it, you  have to both be a regular reader of Bizarro and connect it to this first cartoon, which appeared in papers on Monday. (more…)

Surviving Magic Alien Harry

(To see the above celebrities in all their TMZ glory, click on Snooki’s butt.)

Bizarro is brought to you by Freak Shows.

I admit I’ve never seen any of the “Survivor” TV shows. I’m not a big fan of that sort of reality game-show stuff, but I get the gist. It was therefore simple (and a LOT of fun) to imagine one in which my favorite celebrities to despise are left on an island to fight it out amongst them selves and never be heard from again. Simon Cowell is one I missed. Can’t stand that guy. I didn’t want to mess with caricatures, but if you click on the image and blow it up, you should be able to spot Paris, Bruce Jenner, Kim Kardashian, Richard Simmons, Donald Trump, and Snooki. The others are just cast members of Jersey Shore or lesser Kardashians. (more…)

Lacto Piggy Rope Horn

(For a larger, more beautiful view of this cartoon, click the left eye of the man wearing the milk ski mask.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Creative Parenting.

Not long ago my tiny friend, Victor the Boy Genius, suggested some alternate milk fashions akin to the famous milk mustache ads everyone in America has seen in the recent years. I added to them and created this hilariously, humorously, hysterically funny comic. Oh my goodness, the laughs just keep coming. To add to his already terrifyingly overblown ego, I used a picture of him as the model for the cartoon boy in this cartoon. Good lard, I would not want to be around Victor the Boy Genius today. His head would be the size of Omaha. (For my foreign readers, that’s a stunningly beautiful city and a MAJOR tourist attraction in the middle of the United States somewhere.) (more…)

Boxer Shorts Latin Gay Bug Beaver

Bizarro is brought to you today by Happy Ass.

 

This week I’ve got a few gags with which I am pleased with the art. I like the gesture of the body of this boxer, as he sits swollen and defeated. Most cartoonists don’t bother with these kinds of details but I really enjoy them and hope you do, too. (more…)

Patch Reptile Flea Crow Funeral Hotel Marriage

(For a largerized version of this cartoon, click on any eye patch.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Organic Hairdo.

Someone has been too busy this week to post on his blog. Someone is sorry. Someone is making up for it by posting all of the cartoons from this week. Someone hopes you enjoy them. (more…)

Death Midget Carrion Comedy

(To view this cartoon larger, click the coxswain’s head.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Four Horsemen of the Legopalypse.

People on championship rowing teams are in great shape. Maybe even better shape than I am from sitting at my computer all day. But it stands to reason that after they retire, most of them get as fat and lazy as any other top notch athlete. Unlike many sports that have Hall of Fame Games, rowing isn’t something that old fat guys can do without a lot of effort. Luckily in this case, the coxswain is still slender enough to fit into the tiny seat at the back. (It’s not often you get use “coxswain” in a sentence. That was fun.) (more…)

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