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Chasing Pants

(To embiggenate the cartoon below, strike it solidly in the middle with your cursor.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Running Apparel. 

If you are a person with at least one eye that works in the usual fashion and you have the average amount of observational skills, you may notice the difference between the cartoon I’ve posted above and the one that appeared in your local newspaper’s funnies today or at the top center spot on today’s Bizarro.com homepage. The one in newspapers and on Bizarro.com’s homepage is the one I submitted for publication four weeks ago––the one in this blog is one I took from my computer and posted here moments before I typed this sentence. Sometimes when I look at a cartoon four weeks later as I prepare to post it, I see a way to improve the gag in some small way and so I change it. That’s the reason for today’s change. I think this version sells the gag a little better than the original one. (I’ll tell you the difference at the end of this blog post in case you can’t spot it.)*
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Dogs Who Drive

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(For readers who wish to embiggenate these images, click any blue-colored thing.)Bizarro 06-05-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Perhaps The Best Option.

Here’s a fun take on distracted driving, which has always been a major public safety issue and is getting worse all the time. It is estimated that over 600% of all accidents caused by teenaged drivers are the result of cell phone use. No, that math does not make sense, but teenagers aren’t any good at math, either, which is another big problem with this country. How are they going to repair the desolate wasteland we are leaving them if they are too busy texting to do the math? See what I’m saying?
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The Week in Wackadoodle

bizarro 01-11-15 hdr WEBBizarro 01-11-15 WEBbz panel 01-05-15bz strip 01-05-15bz panel 01-06-15bz strip 01-06-15bz panel 01-07-15bz strip 01-07-15bz panel 01-08-15bz strip 01-08-15bz panel 01-09-15bz strip 01-09-15bz panel 01-10-15bz strip 01-10-15Bizarro is brought to you today by My Favorite Kind of Drum Music.

My big Sunday cartoon today (click it to make it bigger) is about a topic that has been on my mind a bit lately. I ride motorcycles and a bicycle through the streets of Los Angeles and cannot tell you the number of times I’ve almost been mowed down by someone messing with their smartphone while they are supposed to be driving. Seriously, people, is your Facebook status or that text that just came in worth spending time in prison for manslaughter? But, like all dark clouds, there is a silver lining: I never wait in traffic lines anymore when I need to get over into a crowded lane. I just go past the traffic, then slowly and calmly move into the desired lane at the last minute in any one of several huge gaps left by people who are looking at their smartphones instead of moving when it’s their turn. Most of them don’t even notice I’m cutting in line because to do that, they’d have to be paying attention to what can be seen through the windshield of their car.
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Butts, Knock-Offs, Cosplay

bz panel 11-13-14bz strip 11-13-14bz panel 11-14-14bz strip 11-14-14bz panel 11-15-14bz strip 11-15-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Useful Government Institutions.

I thought this “Rear Admiral” gag was a harmless bit of slapstick fun but at least one reader who left a comment thought it was “absolutely classless especially around  veterans day.” (That person must REALLY hate Beetle Baily.)  I generally tend to think that no one is above having a bit of fun poked at them, especially those in authority. What do you think? Should military personnel be held sacred when it comes to cartoons?
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Cats Tongues Dogs

Bizarro 09-14-14 hdrWEB Bizarro 09-14-14 WEB(Get your FREE larger view of any of these images RIGHT NOW by clicking them!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Australian Parking Lot.

People often say they prefer cats over dogs because they are cleaner. I suppose that’s true if you consider an animal covered in spit to be clean. I like cats and dogs, but when it comes to cleaning, I prefer dogs. With a dog, you can drop food on the floor and it gets cleaned up instantly. Even if a cat does eat the food you drop, they are just as likely to hop up on the couch and vomit it back up, so it’s much more of a moving service than a cleaning service. (Purchase a print of this cartoon.) (more…)

Camper Bite Godzilla God

bz panel 09-11-14bz strip 09-11-14bz panel 09-12-14bz strip 09-12-14bz panel 09-13-14bz strip 09-13-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Cartoons Inspiring Sculpture.

In creating this first cartoon, I was well aware of the fact that there are plenty of women (and men) out there who really dig this kind of guy. To those folks I’d like to say that the point of this was not to say that this guy is wrong for everyone, just wrong for the gal at the bar. I have a lot of friends who are political, environmental, and/or animal rights activists and some of them have the habit of plastering their vehicles with tons of stickers about their beliefs, as well. I’m not sure how many people actually change their belief system based on the bumper stickers they read while at a red light, but I’m guessing it’s a fairly small percentage. Still, somehow we all like to tell the world what we believe or cherish in one way or another. I, for instance, enjoy wearing a T-shirt that says, “ONE OF MY CHILDREN HAS NEVER BEEN ARRESTED.” (Purchase a print of this cartoon.) (more…)

Flying Dead Geezer Brain

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Bizarro is brought to you today by But What If I Have One?

 

 

As funny cartoons about dogs go, I think this one holds its own. What’s funnier than a dog trying to fly? As I write this, I’m pondering whether I’d rather have a dog that can fly or one that just stands up and flaps his arms. I think the latter would be more fun, although the former would be more lucrative. (more…)

Paint Sniff Click Sneak

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Master Race.

 

Time to play catch up again. I was out all day yesterday and met one of my comedy idols completely accidentally, which was a huge thrill! My next post will be about that.

 

For now, let us examine this handful of cartoons from this week. All of them are pretty self-explanatory, so I won’t go into a big story here except to say that the one about telephone tech support reminds me of another connection I made once while in a cab in NYC. (more…)

Three to Five Smiles

bz panel 01-20-14 bz panel 01-21-14 bz panel 01-22-14Bizarro is brought to you today by The Power of Three.

Since it is Wednesday and I have not yet posted any cartoons this week, you get three. Hooray, wunderbar, groovy.

 

 

1. If your cholesterol and weight are high your doctor may say he’d like to “get your numbers down.” But this patient is an ancient Roman so he uses the word “numerals” instead. That is supposed to be the joke. What happens next is the doctor is cleaved in half by a sword and his head is displayed on a pike in the town square. I didn’t include that in the gag because it’s gross. (more…)

Pyro Pussy

bz panel 01-15-14bz strip 01-15-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Middle Children Taste Best.

My favorite thing about this cartoon is the way the characters are drawn. The hipster girl and her trendy, hipster, nerd boyfriend/husband have a certain look that I recognize and that’s always gratifying as an artist. I often have no particular kind of person in mind when I begin to draw a character but somehow it begins to head in a certain direction and I follow it. (more…)

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