Reindeer Games and Predators

Bizarro 12-21-14 hdrBizarro 12-21-14 WEBbz panel 12-19-14bz strip 12-19-14bz panel 12-20-14bz strip 12-20-14bz 12-20-07XmasWEB(For embiggenated views of any of these cartoons, tap it with your pointy thing.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Hilarity of Horror.

Can you believe it’s Christmas week again? It’s been about a year since the last one, so yes, I can. But doesn’t it seem that the older you get, the more often Christmas comes around?  I’d like to propose that we change it from once a year to once every 75 years, to coincide with Halley’s Comet. That way plastic nativity scenes on front lawns can benefit from the more realistic “star”.
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Cave Sex Battles

Bizarro 09-28-04 hdrWEBBizarro 09-28-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Grammar.

I’m a self-proclaimed amateur expert on human behavior and anthropology and was pondering one day about how women tend to be more verbal than men. It then occurred to me that it would not surprise me in the least to find that females attained speech long before men, which is the point of this cartoon. It now occurs to me that an alternate interpretation of this cartoon is that both sexes had speech but it was hundreds of years before men actually started using it. That wouldn’t surprise me, either. Though most of my cartoons are not autobiographical, this one almost is. I’m not the traditionally silent type and probably talk far too much for my own good, but I was once married to a woman who could not stop talking if you had sewn her mouth shut. She woke up rambling on and on and it continued until after I fell asleep at night. It was disturbing, and not just to my sleep. (For a color print of this comic, go here.) (more…)

Bizarro Baby Naming Guide 2013

I thought I’d wish all of you Jazz Pickles a prosperous new year with this deadly funny message from someecards. I love that site.

It occurs to me that congratulations are certainly in order for Kim Kardashian now that she is pregnant. Once she reaches about 8 1/2 months of gestation, her baby bump will be sufficiently large enough to balance her out, allowing her to walk fully upright for the first time since she was a small child. Although she may look as though she is carrying triplets: one in front, two in back. (more…)

Egyptian Super Balls

Bizarro is brought to you by Spelling Bees.

I like cartoons about hieroglyphics and have done them before. Here’s one of my faves. This one came from my buddy, Cliff, who is a master of word play. He has a unique way of thinking about language that always really tickles me.

 

 

 

 

In our next panel we see a man getting ready for a massage with a jackhammer. Oh my, that could kill him. But wait, no it can’t, because he’s Superman. Whew! (more…)

Reaper Duck Stupid Rebel Hand Ball

Bizarro is brought to you today by Trojan!

The deadline gods conspired against me this week and I have had no time to post on this blog about my daily cartoons. I hope that next week will be less Sisyphussy. (NEW WORD ALERT!)  I think there are some good cartoons in this batch, but let’s let you be the judge. (more…)

Clown Cat Homework Murder

Bizarro is brought to you today by Cross-Country Move.

I’ve not been blogging the past few days because I was moving to LA. I’m here now, without my stuff, it’s all on a van somewhere between the East and West Coast. Unless the guys who picked it up were frauds and are flying to Rio with my clothes and furniture. If that is the case, I hope they’ll be happy together. (more…)

Pro Tree Field

Bizarro is brought to you today by ghosts.

Thanks to all you readers who left comments about the 9/11 comics project. I’m encouraged to hear that I was not the only one disenchanted by the commercialized sentimentality of last week. It’s been ten years, let’s move on. One nice way to start would be by putting Bush and Cheney in jail where they belong*, but let’s not get overly optimistic. (more…)