Food Nightmares

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Why I Became An Artist.

Mr. Potato Head is an almost endless wellspring of cartoon ideas. I’ve done quite a few over the years, including this very racy one from two weeks ago that I still can’t believe didn’t get censored by any of my newspaper clients, and this one, which is one of my favorites from my entirely-too-long cartooning career. I like this one, too, for slapstick reasons and this one because of its absurdity.
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Born Adults

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(A simple click of any illustration here will delightfully embiggenate it.)
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Bizarro is brought to you today by Enduring Myths.

Today’s Sunday cartoon is a soft joke but one that made me smile. The mythical notion of humans just popping up in life as full-grown, modern adults and trying to negotiate the world around them is always amusing to me, but this is a wrinkle I’ve never thought of before. The utterly casual callousness of Adam and Eve as the quintessential “new parents” is devilishly delightful: “Sorry kid. We have no idea what we’re doing, and how could we?” I felt that way with my first daughter, who was born a full decade before I had any business being a parent.
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Flash Fire

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Bizarro is brought to you today by The First Plausible Explanation I’ve Heard.

There’s a raging controversy on social media this morning about the Christmas tree cartoon above and whether or not the symbol count (small number above my signature) matches the number of actual Secret Symbols hidden therein. Okay, perhaps not a “raging” controversy, but a couple of people have written polite notes asking me what’s up. If you go to Bizarro.com and look at the cartoon posted there in the main frame at the top for today, March 6, 2016, you’ll see that the “K2” on the rooftop door of the building in the upper-right corner of the cartoon is missing. I remember when I submitted this cartoon four weeks ago that my editor told me the symbol count didn’t match, and upon inspection I saw that I had somehow deleted the K2 from the door in one of the hundreds of complicated technologically scientific steps it takes to create one of these images. I remember replacing it and sending the corrected one to King Features but somehow it didn’t make it to the online version. I’m not sure if it made it to the newspaper version, perhaps not. So here now is the corrected version with all six symbols. If you want to see where they all are, here’s a version with the symbols circled. 
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Stolen Babies

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(To achieve enbiggenation of any cartoon, squint your eyes and click it.)Bizarro 01-03-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Scary Logic.

I haven’t seen one of these absurd, invented-crises daytime talk shows in years and wasn’t sure they still existed but recently, while watching something sophisticated and intelligent, I happened to see a commercial for The Jerry Springer Show. Apparently, it’s still on the air with recent episode titles like “Played by a Transsexual,” “Wives Battle Mistresses,” “Stripnotized,” “Battle Royal for Cheese,” and “My Father is My Mother.” Only one of those titles is fake, see if you can guess which one. I’ll put the answer at the end of this post. The larger point is that sometimes it scares me to be trapped on the same planet as people who participate in these shows (onscreen or as viewers) and scares me even more that most of them are allowed to vote. I know that makes me sound like an insufferable elitist but I have long condoned requiring people to pass a simple IQ test before being allowed to vote. Nothing complex, maybe just one or two multiple choice questions like––
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Mucous Defense System

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(If you wish to embiggenate any of these images, use your clicky device.)Bizarro 12-27-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by When Parking Lots Have No Lines Painted On Them.

Today’s cartoon is about a world in which the natives cover their nudity with boxes. You and I may think that naked tissue is not worth covering, but they consider it vulgar and who are we to judge? We consider the sight of human nipples to be a crime, but only if they are attached to a female. Doesn’t matter if they are attached to large breasts or ones as flat as sheetrock, if they’re attached to a female: illegal to expose in public. The Tissue People find this concept utterly ridiculous but then they’ve always tended to be a bit “judgy”.
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Genesis Fat Brat Drugs

bz panel 12-04-14bz strip 12-04-14bz panel 12-05-14bz strip 12-05-14bz panel 12-06-14bz strip 12-06-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Man with Huge Wiener.

So I was thinking what would happen if Adam and Eve’s neighbors happened by just as they were standing naked together, talking to a snake and eating a piece of “forbidden” fruit. Now, I know in the classic version there were no neighbors because Adam and Eve were the first humans, but according to the same story, they had a couple of sons, Cain and Able, and one of them grew up and got married. So where did his bride come from? This leads me to believe that either this is a traditional myth used to teach a certain lesson, or incest was okay for a very long time (until there were enough people to find someone to mate with to whom you were not very closely related.)  Ew. I’m going to assume it is a myth.
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Legal Hair Wisdom

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I’m on vacation this week so I’m keeping my blog comments brief.

 

 

 

Thursday’s cartoon: This one is autobiographical. If you live long enough, chances are it will be for you, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday’s cartoon: This one is autobiographical, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday’s cartoon: This has never happened to me.

Snoopy Clog Rock Apple

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There’s been quite a lot about the NSA in the news lately and, even though I have given up the idea that a government or the law can be “fair,” the fact that our own government is spying on us is deplorable. Many great minds have said something like: You have to choose freedom or safety, you can’t have both.  Personally, I’d rather be more free and less safe, but that’s just me. (more…)