Grin and Bear It?

Bizarro 06-07-15 hdrWEB Bizarro is brought to you today by Art Supplies In The Wild.

As you regular readers of my work well know, I affectionately call regular readers of my work “Bizarro Jazz Pickles”. I can’t remember why, but that’s what I call you. To show my appreciation, (and to enable me to continue to offer all of my cartoons to you for Bizarro 06-07-15 WEBFREE on this blog!) I have created a series of special designs on T-shirts. Each is limited edition and is only on sale for two weeks. The fourth in this series (and the first one in more than one color!) is available now, for ten more days only. Grab one or more here and show your pride in being a Bizarro Jazz Pickle! 

Now for this week’s cartoons, starting with today, Sunday: Bears are scary. Super smart bears with sign painting capabilities are even scarier.

bz panel 06-01-15 Monday: People rarely go to 3-dimensional banks anymore but if you did and there was a fortune teller behind the counter instead of a bank teller, you might find it bz panel 06-02-15amusing.

 

 

 

Tuesday: I have a neighbor who coaches his son in baseball in their backyard every night after dinner and though he isn’t this kind of dad, it made me think of this gag. My eldest daughter, Krapuzar, played baseball on a boy’s team when she was ten years old (because there were no girl’s teams in our area) and there were dads like this. One of them openly objected to her being allowed on the team because she didn’t have a penis. My original impression of him was that he was a dick but bz panel 06-03-15 after getting to know him, I also thought he was an asshole.

Wednesday: There was a typo on my part in the published version of this gag that appeared in newspapers around the world. I put 193 million miles instead of the correct distance of the sun –– 93 million miles. I misread my map, I guess. So bz panel 06-04-15 embarrassing.

Thursday: If you haven’t heard, there are a LOT of problems with America’s industrialized food system, only one of which is antibiotics in meat. It’s a very bz panel 06-05-15serious health threat to the human species, but in this case it’s a little amusing.

 

 

 

Friday: Don’t you hate it when something is the wrong size and you have to bz panel 06-06-15return it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday: There’s no simple answer why I wrote this gag about a nerd and his girlfriend. I just thought it was funny that he thinks he’s dating someone from another century. That seems like something a certain kind of nerd would find appealing.

That’s it for this week. Please do consider snagging a T-shirt from me, it really does help keep the lights on at Bizarro International Headquarters since most people read my work on the Interwebs for free. :^}

I WANT A BIZARRO T-SHIRT! YES, I DO!

 

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Pooping in the Park

bizarro 03-15-15 hdr eWEB Bizarro 03-15-15aWEBbz panel 03-09-15 bz panel 03-10-15 bz panel 03-11-15 bz panel 03-12-15 bz panel 03-13-15 bz panel 03-14-15(Make this pigeon statue comic swell like a lip after a knuckle sandwich, by clicking George Washington’s boots.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Super Styles For Super Men.

I conceived of this cartoon back in my first year of syndication in 1985 when I was just a child cartoonist, but the drawing was perfectly awful. (OMG, look how ugly it was!) I’d forgotten all about it until I came across it again recently but I liked the concept so much that I decided to draw and publish it again. I hope you enjoy looking upon it as much as I did redrawing it in a less ugly fashion.

Last Monday’s cartoon was this one about a vending machine called The New York Experience. I lived in NYC for almost ten years and can say that I enjoyed it very much for the first four or five, but then it began to really wear on me. There’s lots to do and tons of terrific history, of course, but the vibe of the city is stuck-up, irritable, and aggressive, the weather sucks big time all but a few weeks out of each year, and the bureaucracy that one encounters with even the simplest of tasks is enough to make you shoot yourself. If your wifi or cable TV is out, be prepared to wait a week or more for a service appointment. If you’re going to the DMV to get your driver’s license switched over, be prepared to wait four or five hours in line. Going to a post office is like visiting prison: bullet-proof glass, surly inmates and sadistic guards. I was happy to leave and honestly don’t care if I ever go back.

Tuesday’s cartoon was also about NYC, but in a less realistic way.

Moving to the West Coast, my Wednesday cartoon highlights the attention many Californians put on invisible forces of the universe. No definitive way to tell how much is real or imagined.

Thursday’s gag takes a shot at politicians and their never-ending scandals. The older I get, the less I trust anyone in a position of power.

Friday’s funny explores one woman’s battle with the power of temptation and a store manager’s gracious attempt to humor her.

And my Saturday cartoon is a wildly reckless foray into the world of politically correct language and is therefore fraught with danger. These days, a single slip of the tongue or ill-conceived email can ruin a person’s career. Polite language has a place in society but in my opinion, we’ve gone a bit overboard in the U.S.––far too many people are looking to be the victim of hurt feelings and take someone down.

Thanks for reading this far, Jazz Pickles. I hope you’re enjoying your life wherever you are today (even in NYC!)

 

French Ape Bird Billy

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Versatile Businesses of Yesteryear.

 

 

The first two cartoons shown here are some fun wordplay. The “Miss France” cartoon is reminiscent of some of the gags I’ve heard regarding the “Free Tibet” movement, wherein someone adds “with every purchase” to the end. I love that kind of gag.

 

 

 

 

The Planet of the Apes variation is another gag I really love and it was tons of fun to draw. I love primates and often include them in my oil paintings, as well. So much more like us than not like us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve done a few other bird vomit cartoons over the years. Here’s my favorite. For readers who may not know, birds eat worms, then regurgitate them into the mouths of their young when they’re too young to eat on their own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DEJA VIEW: Today I set the Way Back Machine to 1996 and found this lampoon of a “Family Circus” cartoon which I thought you might find amusing. The creator of “Family Circus,” Bil Keane, enjoyed it, as he did most spoofs of his iconic comic.

Peter’s Price

bz panel 12-06-13bz strip 12-06-13bz panel 12-07-13bz strip 12-07-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Boy Toy.

Good Saturday to you, Jazz Pickles. As I write today from Bizarro International Headquarters in Los Angeles, it is raining and unreasonably cold outside, about 52 degrees F. I may have to move south for a few days until this unbearable weather goes back to the Arctic from which it came.

Until then, however, I will attempt to amuse you with silly drawings.

My joke from yesterday about the price of Manhattans is funnier if you know who Peter Minuit is. I’m not going to insult you by explaining it, since you’re already on a computer and so is Google. As a fairly recent resident of NYC, I can tell you the price alluded to in this cartoon is not far off.

 

 

 

 

 

Today’s cartoon, about the lovely man whose identity was stolen and returned comes to us from my clever and handsome, known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. He speaks as eloquently as a medieval poetry professor at Cambridge about this cartoon beneath these blue words.  He worries that this cartoon is “cruel” because it makes fun of the way the man looks, as opposed to something more substantial. He has a good point but I believe that the fact that he is entirely fictional and contains no actual feelings, we will be able to avoid prosecution on these grounds. But then, I’m known to be a cruel asshole––just ask any of my ex-wives. Read Wayno’s post and race back here for the rest of my amusement attempt, below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

OLD BIZNESS: Here’s a very old Sunday cartoon from the last century that some might also construe as cruel. But since it’s not a real cat, I’m voting no. To fully appreciate the gag, you may want to click on the image and blow it up real good.

Kids: The characters in this cartoon were drawn by a trained professional. DO NOT attempt to throw cats at castles.bizarro 01-18-98 catapult WEB

Grim Twitter Smart Selfie Skeletons

bz panel 09-21-13bz strip 09-21-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Friendly Godzilla.

Okay, I’m still behind so the time has come to post multiple cartoons in a single post. Get ready for a wild ride.

I’ve done tons of Grim Reaper gags (as has every other cartoonist, except Jeff Keane in Family Circus) but this one really gives me a kick. I just love the deadpan nature of it. I’m guessing my pal, Cliff Harris the King of Wordplay got a kick out of it, too. It’s down his alley.

 

 

 

 

 

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Here’s a little cash register/Twitter humor. I really hate drawing store interiors because it’s so tedious filling in all of those products. On the bright side, it gives me a chance to hide some secret symbols and other types of “Easter egg” gags so it’s not all bad. bz strip 09-23-13

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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And now we have a gag from my good buddy, Dan McConnell. He usually discusses these collaborations on his FB page but he hasn’t posted it as of this writing. I guess he’s waiting for me to post this. Anyway, check out his page and his other cartoons which can be found lurking thereon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What’s this? A cartoon collaboration with the gentleman mentioned in the first part of this post, Cliff Harris, the King of Wordplay. This is one of those rare ideas by Cliff that is not about wordplay, however. It’s more bone-play, but don’t take that in the wrong way. Cliff isn’t gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I’m particularly happy with the way the X-ray turned out in this one. Those things are kind of hard to draw very realistically and, unlike most cartoonists (not that there is anything wrong with that), I am sometimes obsessed with realism.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PREBIZTORICALS: Since I’ve been talking a bit lately about the art of cartooning, I thought this old favorite of mine from 2002 might be appropriate. This was SO much fun to draw as I had to imagine what the skeletons of various cartoon characters look like. I’ve seen this done since but I think I might have been the first. I hope so. I’d never seen it before when I did it, so my conscience is clear, at least. The one thing I’m not happy with here is the lighting; I think it is too harsh. If I ever print this one in a book, I might redo it.

Particularly loyal and observant Jazz Pickles will recognize me and my ex-wife, formerly known on this blog as CHNW. She’s not back for good, this is a temporary and incidental appearance, by the way.Bizarro 05-05-02 CartoonAnthropology