Psychic Longneck Cat Worship

bz panel 12-01-14bz strip 12-01-14bz panel 12-02-14bz strip 12-02-14bz panel 12-03-14bz strip 12-03-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Gun Lingo.

Does anyone out there have a modern solution to the password thing? You’re supposed to use different passwords for all your sites to reduce the possibility of having your identity stolen, but how do you remember them all? If you write them on a list, someone will steal the list and steal your life. I’ve taken to keeping a list but writing it in code. But sometimes I can’t remember what the code is. Gosh, life in the future can suck sometimes.
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Hen Nose Poop Motel

bizarro 05-04-14 hedrWEB Bizarro 05-04-14 WEB(You want some bigger cartoonage, Mr. Coolpants? Click any green spot on any image below.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Jazz Pickle or Zucchini Fanatic?

It’s no secret that the overwhelming majority of psychics are charlatans, but it has been my experience that a desperate chicken will go to any lengths to understand it’s road-crossing behavior. Unfortunately, that particular enduring question of the ages is still unresolved. (more…)

Fortuitous

bz panel 08-19-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Multi-personality Mustache.

bz strip 08-19-13As people who follow science news know, bees are on the decline at an alarming rate (because of us–SURPRISE!) and if we don’t figure out how to reverse it, it will be cataclysmic for the entire planet. I know that sounds drastic, but think about it. The most common way plants spread their goodness is through the whole pollination/bee thing. No bees, no plants. No plants, nothing to eat (or to feed the critters that you eat if you’re a meat eater.) It’s a bummer but I did my part last week to alleviate the problem. I went outside early one morning and saw a live bee caught in a spider’s web. I’ve no idea why it hadn’t been eaten yet and the spider was nowhere to be found. Probably popped out for a latte. So I (carefully!) extracted the bee and used tweezers to pull the (INSANELY) sticky web off of him. Then I placed him in a flower pot outside. He disappeared later so either he recovered and flew away to save the world or another critter ate him. I’m hoping for the best. (more…)

Numbers Game

bz panel 07-29-13bz strip 07-29-13Bizarro is brought to you today by ASD (Abdominal Strings Disorder)

My annual checkup is coming up soon and I’m dreading it. Not because I’m afraid they’ll find something wrong with me or I don’t enjoy paying a relative stranger to insert a rubber-clad finger into my butt, but because the process will take a couple of hours out of my day and cost me money to get bad news or no news at all. My doctor will also chastise me for not following his instructions last year to get up at the ass-crack of dawn (two anal references in the first paragraph; a new record for me!) and wait in line at a clinic to have my blood taken for routine testing. Blech! (more…)

Secrets of the Trade

bz panel 05-27-13Bizarro is brought to you today by A LOT of Tie Dye.

Here’s how cartooning works:

1. I draw and submit the best cartoon I can, then forget about it.

2. Weeks later when it publishes, I grab it for this blog. At this time I often think of things that would have made the cartoon better. In this case, the caption should have been, “I see a small, green stranger in your future,” which would, of course, refer to the next cycle of the crossing light. Here, I regret having gone with the cliche palm reader line seen here. (more…)

Cavalcade of Comedy Carnage

(To see a much big version of these cartoons, click them why don’t you?)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Where Have I Been?

Good gravy, Jazz Pickles, it has been a long time since I posted on my blog. I’ve been running around the Non-East Coast on a small comedy tour and that stuff is time-consuming, brain-eating, and deadline-threatening. But I’m almost caught up on life so I’m back to posting. Here now are a jilliondyfive cartoons to get you caught up on everything that has published since I last posted. Whew! (more…)