Hungry

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(Clicking any articulated joint in any of these images will embiggenate the image.)

Bizarro 08-21-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Strange Olympics. 

There is much fun to be had in this comic featuring a twist on the age-old comedy motif of the kid whose dog ate his homework. Aside from the deep, theological concepts within the dialogue, there are plenty of background jokes and six secret symbols to search for. Embiggenate it for a more complete experience.
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Institutional Solopsism

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(To add embiggenation to these cartoons, click any pinkish color within any image.)Bizarro 01-10-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Precious Moments.

I almost never write cartoons based on actual experiences but this one is an exception. I was sitting in a cafe one day having lunch with my beloved Olive Oyl, and in a booth in the corner was a young millennial couple doing what young lovers that age do: staring into their cell phones and completely ignoring each other. (This is the new look of courting, and wow, is it hot.) Suddenly, the young man said quietly and blandly, “selfie,” and they both came to life like corpses hooked up to a generator. They posed as though they were having the wildest time two humans could muster without being arrested, held it for 2.4 seconds, then went back to their cell phone comas as though it had never happened. I don’t think they spoke another word to each other or moved more than a degree or two in either direction until they left. I whispered “thank you” to the universe for dropping such a perfect cartoon into my lap.
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Ape Creep Athlete Finger

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Bizarro is brought to you today by How Hair Grows.

I’ve been watching the new Cosmos series on Fox television recently and it’s really wonderful. I highly recommend it to anyone of any age with a working brain. They discuss evolution quite a bit, of course, since it is the way the entire universe more-or-less works, so this gag appealed to me. (more…)

Damned If You Do

bz panel 10-12-13bz strip 10-12-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Road Less Traveled.

When I was a teenager, I attended a fundamentalist Bible church for a few years, during which time I fully believed in The Devil, the Antichrist, the mark of the beast–666, the Book of Revelations, the Second Coming, the rapture, and the whole end-of-the-world shebang. In my defense, I was a kid and this kind of delusional thinking was common in places like Tulsa, Oklahoma, where evangelists abound. It is amazing how much influence the people around you can have. When I think of it now, I shudder at my gullibility. But it does make a pretty dandy cartoon all these years later, courtesy of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. You can see his original sketch and read his clever commentary here. If you believe in The Devil and the Second Coming, that’s fine, I hope we can still be friends. Whatever keeps your wig in place, I always say. (more…)

Devil in the Details

bz panel 10-05-13bz strip 10-05-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Devil.

You might not think you’d find the cleanest kitchen in the universe in Hell, but you’d be wrong. If you visit the correct part of Hell, you’ll find this one, kept immaculate by one of Satan’s mop-wielding minions. Of course, anyone who actually believes in Hell likely believes that cockroaches don’t get any kind of afterlife because they are not the chosen, magical, super-cool beings that we humans are, but my cartoons do not discriminate. If one species gets eternal ecstasy or torment, they all do. Good cockroaches––the kind that do good for others, don’t have premarital sex, abstain from intoxicants of all kinds, and pray to the One True God regularly––will live in a filthy kitchen with plenty of rotting snacks available 24/7, while the others go to this place. Makes you think, doesn’t it? (If so, I’d love to know what the hell you’re thinking about.) (more…)

Wayno World

Today’s Bizarro is brought to you by A Guest Caroonist.

A few months ago, I employed my good buddy and favorite collaborator, Wayno, to do a week of cartoons for me as a guest cartoonist. He refused at first but then I showed him the pictures I had a private investigator take of him and Jim Davis frolicking together on a nude beach in the Caribbean, and he relented. This kind of trickery is the only way a cartoonist like myself can get time off. Syndicated folks like me have to provide 365 cartoons each year for decades on end without rest. If I were to submit reruns for a week and take some time off, many of my client editors would run replacement strips instead, thus risking losing my place in that paper permanently. In this economy (and with my meager income) I can’t risk that. (more…)